Retreat Lecture 2 - The Way of the Infinite Light
RETREAT
THE WAY OF THE INFINITE LIGHT
lecture two of seven delivered by the one Mother Nova of the Northern Temple of the Starlit Order to the newly ordained Vessel apprentices
You’ve been searching for it all your life, haven’t you?
You’ve been peeking around corners and digging up wells.
You’ve climbed mountain peaks and threaded through forests.
You’ve learned to pray and to meditate. You’ve relinquished your possessions and cast aside your attachments.
Your knees are calloused and your hands raw. All in vain. All of it, in vain.
Now, you stand at the edge, questioning everything you’ve learned. Questioning every single word you’ve ever uttered.
Do not despair. Do not weep, for the Infinite Light is with you.
The Infinite Light is you.
Close your eyes and feel the world around you disappear, or keep your eyes open and gaze upon its beauty.
It matters not. Notice your emotions as they swell in your belly, your thoughts as they race across your mind.
Where do these come from? The delight and the pain.
The anger and shame. Who gives rise to these?
Could it be the squishy organ in your skull, creating a vibrant tapestry of your personality?
Very well.
But you will agree that the you in question is much more than the culmination of neural impulses coursing through that squishy brain. After all, we all have fairly identical brains, yet we are all unique. What is you then?
Take one more step back. Yes, further still. What is the very thing that gave rise to you? What is the very thing that ran and played and learned and cried before you were even aware that there was a you?
Feel the walls of your mind expand into the infinite.
Fall into the vast nothingness.
It had always been there, this bottomless chasm.
It had always been the very thing that gave rise to you.
To everything. It is the Infinite Light.
In it, you will find every living thing and many that you mistake for nonliving.
In it, you will find everyone you’ve ever known and everyone you will ever meet.
And in it, you will find yourself. And in yourself, you will find it.
So, you understand now when I say that we do not return anyone to the One Beginning in the literal sense. We do not rejoin anyone with the Infinite Light, for no one has ever left it, and no one is ever lost from it.
There is room for tradition. There is room for ritual and practice, for it gives everyone a peace of mind, both at temple and the rest of the galaxy.
Even you, dedicated to the Order, educated in our ways.
Even you will find solace in the sutras and the mantras.
Even you will benefit from sunrise and sunset prayers.
For these build routines, these build community, and these bring the awareness of the Infinite Light to the forefront.
And you can agree that this awareness is a wonderful feeling.
But always remember, this awareness changes nothing, for nothing can be changed.
There will be birth, and there will be death, and both are illusions; you know this already.
But what happens in between isn’t. The life that happens in between these is the one thing you will have control over.
You will meet people, and some of them will be kind, and some of them will not be.
You can’t control that, but you can control how you respond.
You can control how you respond to everything.
You can control the decisions you make and the chances you take. You can decide to be kind and helpful.
Remember, the Infinite Light flows through every living thing: every animal, every plant, every person.
Yes, even the not-so-nice ones. Go out there and make decisions knowing that you are never separate from the Whole.
You are never just an individual. Sometimes you may experience the illusion that you are, and that’s OK, but don’t cling to it.
Let it pass. Everything passes. Don’t take it too seriously.
Even your jobs. Always choose kindness over precision.
Remember that your vocation and your spiritual pursuits do not supersede another person’s suffering.
There is a saying that a good Vessel can perform their duties without ever dirtying their robes.
I don’t dislike the saying, but it’s also misleading.
It makes you think you are all to be rigid and prim and proper.
It makes you think that a good Vessel keeps their distance.
Don’t fall into that trap. You will never be able to maintain distance.
There is no distance. How can there be when we are all parts of the Whole?
Where is the distance between the drops of water in an ocean?
[Mother Nova laughs.] Where is the distance between the rays of the sun?
I dare you to try and find it. Or don’t—it doesn’t seem like a good use of your time. [Mother Nova laughs again.]
I think I’m rambling now. This is a good place to end our little talk. Go, have some lunch, please.
[End of recording]