Chapter 23
twenty-three
. . .
BLAKE
“You look like you’re at a funeral, not my wedding,” Hudson said, leaning over with a grin held on his face for the rows of people staring at us.
We were waiting for Kelly and the bridesmaids to arrive at the antique beachside chapel my brother and his bride had chosen for their ceremony.
“Not at all, happy to be here,” I said, giving him a tight-lipped smile in return.
It was the best I could muster, given my every thought was consumed by Honor and the multitude of ways I’d hurt her.
Where was she right now? On a plane or already back home? Was she thinking about me? Would she speak to me if I tried to call her after the ceremony was done?
Hudson rolled his eyes and returned to his position at the head of the altar. “Yeah, that was believable, bro.”
“Give him a break,” Spencer murmured from my other side so the guests in the front row couldn’t hear. “He’s fucked up probably the best thing that was ever going to happen to him. I’d be stewing in my own misery, too.”
Hudson snorted a laugh, both of us turning to our cousin.
“Thanks for the support,” I cut back, tugging uncomfortably on the collar of my shirt.
Hudson grinned. “Uh oh, Blake’s being forced to talk about his feelings and he’s not coping.”
My jaw tightened. “I can talk about my damn feelings.”
He let out another laugh. “Okay, how do you feel about Honor?”
A muscle ticked in my jaw, and I remained silent, staring straight ahead at our aunt who had just arrived and slipped in through the double doors at the back.
I'd talk about my feelings to Honor. Not these two clowns who saw my current misery as entertainment.
Spencer and Hudson snickered in unison, and my brother clapped me on the shoulder. “You’re going to end up sad and alone if you keep this up.”
Spencer grunted. “Just like Honor when I saw her earlier. Sad and alone.”
My head snapped in his direction, eyes wide, and I studied his face for the lie.
He’d seen her? Did that mean she was still on the island?
I opened my mouth to grill him, but the string quartet started up and music filled the chapel. The doors down the end of the aisle opened, spilling in sunlight.
God damn it. That was the worst fucking timing.
Spencer gave me a victorious smile, like my reaction had confirmed something he’d already known. He turned his focus to Kelly’s goddaughter who was stepping down the aisle in a fluffy pink dress, dropping rose petals as she went. The crowd “awww’d” in unison at the grinning little girl, who was clearly relishing her flower girl role.
But my thoughts were trained firmly on Honor.
She’d stayed. Why?
Did this mean she wasn’t totally closed off to the idea of seeing me? Was there still a chance that if I tried to talk to her—tried to make this right—that she’d hear me out?
Once the ceremony wrapped up, I might have time to sneak away to find Honor and get her to listen long enough that I could apologize. Then make it back in time to give my best man speech at the reception.
I was so lost in my head, I missed April walking down the aisle. She was already in front of us, smiling at Hudson as she took her place across from us on the altar.
Ignoring the procession given my viper of an ex was due to come next, I focused on what really mattered—how I was going to get Honor to forgive me.
She wasn’t the materialistic type, so flowers or room service being sent to her suite wasn’t going to cut it. I’d fall on my knees and beg if that’s what it took. It had been years since I’d felt the way I did about Honor. I was a fucking fool for blowing up whatever had been starting to develop between us.
Hudson cleared his throat. “Uh, Blake…”
I glanced at him, and he tilted his head in the direction of the aisle.
Following his gaze, my heart stuttered in my chest.
Honor was walking down the aisle.
A heavy ache spread through my body as I stared at her. How was she here right now? Was she real or had my desperate mind conjured her?
She looked incredible in the blush-colored dresses Kelly had chosen for her friends. Her blonde hair was swept back off her flawless face. And her blue eyes shone as she smiled at the guests as she passed them.
That was until she made it to the altar, and they landed on me.
Watching the light wink out of them when she looked at me was like a punch to the gut. She only glanced at me for a second before her gaze moved to Spencer. She gave him a wink and a half-smile, and I wanted to punch him in the stomach.
The way he smiled back at her had me rethinking. I wanted to sink my fist into his face.
He clocked my expression, fighting back a laugh.
Make it two punches to his face.
When I turned back to Honor, she squeezed Hudson’s hand with genuine happiness, and I had to hold myself back from reaching for her. From begging her for any scrap of attention she was willing to give me.
I’d never hated my brother and cousin the way I did in this fucking moment.
Jesus, what the fuck had I become? I was acting like a man possessed, but I didn’t couldn’t make myself care one fucking bit. I’d settle for whatever Honor was willing to give me. Right now that was barely a glance, and it was killing me.
Kelly made her way down the aisle on her father’s arm looking like the gorgeous doll that she was, but my mind and gaze kept straying back to Honor. Her eyes were watery as she watched Kelly make her way into my brother’s arms.
The guests took their seats, and the bridal party turned to face the officiant, and still my focus was on Honor.
What was she thinking? Did she really hate me that much that she couldn’t even look at me? I’d hurt her worse than I’d thought. Spencer said she’d been sad and alone when he’d seen her earlier today. Had she been crying? The thought that I was the one who’d caused her to cry was like a throat-check.
“Blake?” my brother said loudly, like it hadn’t been the first time he’d said my name.
I startled, frowning at him.
“The rings?” Hudson asked.
I patted my suit jacket, searching for the ring box I knew I’d put in there. Finding it in my pants pocket, I handed it over.
“Someone stealing your attention there, Blakey?” Spencer chuckled from behind me.
I blew out a long breath, refusing to rise to the bait.
It was easy for guys like Spencer and Hudson. They were open and friendly and women flocked to them, they always had. Even when we were teens. I’d never been the type to wear my heart on my sleeve or make friends easily. That wasn’t to say I didn’t have any, I did. I just took more time to open up to people.
As I got older and my wealth built, I was forced to become more discerning about the connections I made. But I’d made one hell of a connection with Honor. One I wasn’t willing to give up on, no matter how much of an asshole I’d been.
I just had to get her to look at me again.