Chapter 35
Chapter Thirty-Five
B urning in her lungs, the desperate need to breathe, eyes stinging and head pounding. Esme was herself, in her own body, but she didn’t much like it. Everything hurt. And then she broke through to the surface. She took a breath and then another, dragging oxygen into her body.
‘You’re all right.’ That was Tobias’s voice. She opened her eyes, blinking through the salt water, and realised that the mayor was holding her upright and patting her back.
They were on the sand. She didn’t have a clear memory of coming out of the water. Perhaps she had blacked out? Her mind was stuttering, but there was Tobias. He was back. He was right there, smiling in a kindly way.
Before she could say anything, a violent cramping overtook her body. She doubled over, feeling as if she was turning herself inside out. A stream of water came up, the salt burning her nose and throat. She coughed and coughed and wiped at her face.
‘You’re alive,’ Lucy said from somewhere to her right.
She sounded slightly disappointed, which, improbably, made Esme laugh. It sounded slightly hysterical, but it felt good. A release. Once she could speak and had wiped the tears from her eyes, she smiled warmly at Lucy. ‘You can’t drown a witch. Everyone knows that.’
Luke could not believe that Esme was making jokes. His head was spinning and he felt sick with relief. He dragged one of the blankets from underneath his sleeping brother and wrapped it around Esme. Then, because it felt so good to be holding her, he wrapped his arms around her too.
‘Is it gone?’ Esme asked Tobias.
‘It has,’ he said, his eyes crinkling.
‘The wards…’ Esme began and then her voice cracked. ‘I failed. The wards are broken…’
Tobias stepped close and put a hand onto the witch’s shoulder. ‘You didn’t fail. We are all needed to keep the balance. I wasn’t on the island and that meant it was only a matter of time before the protection dissolved.’
‘Bee said it’s my job,’ Esme said. ‘I am supposed to—’
‘It is your job,’ Tobias said gently. ‘And it’s my job to be the mayor, and it’s Luke’s to be The Book Keeper. We’re all needed. The roles must be filled to keep the wards strong.’
Luke hugged Esme close, wiping tears from her face. ‘It’s not your fault,’ he said. ‘None of this is your fault. You’ve saved everyone.’
‘Your blood was in the water,’ Tobias said. ‘It helped to guide me home.’
His words seemed to cut through her distress and she took a deep breath, looking more her usual self.
Lewis made a small sound in his sleep, as if he was dreaming.
‘Is he all right?’ Esme turned to Lewis. She crouched down, one hand knotted in the corners of her blanket cloak and one reaching to check Lewis’s forehead, his pulse.
Luke had already checked on his brother, but he guessed Esme had been too distracted to notice. She had been busy being possessed. A wave of nausea threatened to engulf him, and his limbs suddenly felt watery. The danger of what she had done, the risk she had taken. All to avoid harming Lewis.
The couple that had been making their way steadily across the bay had arrived at their little group. The man had a black eye and scratches down one cheek. The woman didn’t have visible injuries, but her face was drawn with exhaustion. Neither of them looked as though they had slept or eaten in a long time. They weren’t moving toward Lewis anymore, and were looking around in confusion. It was as if they were waking up from a nightmare.
Esme moved as if to speak to them, but Tobias put a hand on her shoulder. ‘You should go home, get into some dry clothes.’
Lucy was scowling at the people, probably frustrated that the need for violence had passed. For a moment, Esme wondered if she would attack somebody anyway. There was always the feeling she might spring at any moment and this was a particularly tense time.
‘Go on home,’ Tobias said to Lucy, noticing the same risk.
She stared at the mayor for a moment, black eyes wide and red lips stretched to reveal white teeth. Then she shrugged and skipped away across the sand.
Luke spoke quietly to Tobias. ‘Is that thing really gone?’
‘It will be unable to hold itself together in the vastness of the sea, or it will be pulled back to àite Marbh and the gateway to its home. Now that I am back, there is no longer a space for it to occupy. It simply cannot stay.’
Luke stared out at the waves, wondering what they concealed. ‘What if it survives in the water and someone goes swimming?’
Tobias smiled gently, as if reassuring a small child. ‘I do not believe that is possible.’
Luke was going to argue that believing something wasn’t possible wasn’t enough, that Tobias ought to be certain, but then he had second thoughts. Tobias was The Island God. If he believed something, maybe that was better than certainty.
Over the next two days, the visitors that had clogged the streets and footpaths of the island quickly dispersed. Esme’s guest house went from full to empty in one blessed afternoon and she sat on her back step with a mug of tea, enjoying the sun on her face and the enchanting sound of birds and insects, the breeze ruffling the leaves, and not a single human voice.
Seren put a closed sign on the door of the pub, which was pretty much unheard of, and took to her bed. She slept for thirteen hours and spent the rest of the day lying in bed and watching The Walking Dead and reruns of Hell’s Kitchen. Once she felt sufficiently recovered, she visited Fiona to apologise. Trying to put into words how awful she felt about taking Hamish and the extent to which she hadn’t been in control of her actions. ‘Can you ever forgive me?’
‘Already done,’ Fiona said warmly.
Back at the pub, it occurred to Seren that Fiona hadn’t invited her into the house. She knew, in her heart, that Fiona would need a little more time to truly forgive her actions, but for the first time since she had regained her senses, she felt hopeful.
Matteo opened the shop as usual, but was extremely relieved to have no customers. He tidied up the shelves, reordered the dated goods, and gave everything a thorough clean. Restoring the shop to order gave him a sense of deep peace. He swept up the mess that had been trampled underfoot when there had been more people than physically sensible moving around the small space, and then wiped down the edges of the shelves. He was alone in the shop until closing time, without a single interruption, and it was bliss. Although he was now looking forward to dinner and he hoped Seren had reopened The Rising Moon. He wondered if Fiona would be there.
Lewis got out of the car. He stretched until his spine cracked and looked at the suburban street where Luke had parked. They were on the outskirts of Alnwick, which wasn’t very far away from the town centre. But there was a bus station and it was on the A1 which led to cities down south.
‘I can take you further. You don't have to take the bus.’
‘That’s all right. You’ve done enough.’
Luke wasn’t sure if that was meant to sound reassuring or like an accusation. He wondered whether the awkwardness between them would ever completely dissipate. It was, he reflected, a little better than it had been. They had overlaid their shared childhood and the subsequent chaos of their teenage and young adult years with new experiences. Those experiences included Lewis being possessed by an apocalypse-capable spirit from another reality, and Luke's future wife almost killing him in order to save mankind, but at least they were adult memories. And not rooted in old patterns. These were, Luke thought, entirely new patterns. And, yes, he had just thought of Esme as his future wife. He just hoped she agreed.
‘I’ll stay in touch,’ Lewis said, a little self-consciously. They didn’t do polite or sincere.
‘You better had. You know I’ll come looking.’
‘I do.’ Lewis’s shoulders hunched and he looked away, south and toward whatever adventures were calling him next. ‘Thanks.’
‘Sorry?’ Luke wasn’t being a dick, he was genuinely unsure he had heard Lewis properly and the word slipped out.
Lewis darted a look at his face. ‘For looking out for me.’
‘Of course,’ Luke said.
Lewis took a step closer and Luke did the same. They hugged. Quickly and awkwardly, but it didn’t end in a wrestling match, so that was a win.
Tobias sat with his old friend and waited. The window was open and the curtains moved in the fresh sea air. Presently, Bee began to stir. Her breathing became shallower and her right foot twitched. She was waking up. But first, Tobias knew, she had to sleep. Normal, restorative sleep. Bee was not quite human, but she was alive and would need to rest after her long journey. He was grateful to her for meeting him in the forest, for reminding him of himself. He did not like to consider how long he might have languished in Elsewhere, half-asleep and stumbling. He squeezed her shoulder gently, and she moved in her sleep, curling over onto her side.
Back at his house, newly cleaned with help from the islanders, Tobias settled into his favourite chair. All had been put back as it ought to be. The sofa was unsalvageable, but Fiona had helped him to order a replacement on the internet. It would be delivered in a couple of weeks’ time.
But right now, he had a tea tray with a proper china cup and saucer and a small milk jug. He poured the amber liquid and inhaled the familiar scent, added a dash of milk and stirred with the spoon.
Winter lifted his head and checked that Tobias was still sitting in the same place. He was doing this with decreasing frequency as his canine brain began to accept that Tobias was back and not about to disappear. He yawned widely, tongue lolling, and then laid his head back on his paws and went back to sleep. Tobias added another log onto the fire and looked deeply into the flames. He took another sip of the tea and contemplated a piece of shortbread. It was good to be home.
All was peaceful at Fiona’s house. Euan and Matteo were sitting on the sofa in companionable silence. Not complete silence, as Euan was playing a video game and would occasionally make a comment or explain what was happening to Matteo.
Hamish had taken a little longer than usual to settle for the night, clinging to her and crying when she tried to say ‘night-night’ and leave the room. Fiona had allowed an extra story and had stayed sitting on the floor by the door to the room until he had drifted off. She knew it was probably setting a bad precedent and that he might demand it in the future, but she still felt raw from the worry of losing him and needed the reassurance of his presence just as much. He would be all right. She made the vow as she leaned against the wall and watched his sleepy eyelids lose the battle to stay open. She would never let anything scary happen to him ever again. No sooner had she finished the thought than she knew it was pointless and impossible and, probably, undesirable. To never feel fear was to never take a risk. To never feel sadness was to never feel happy. To never lose was to never love. Her throat was suddenly tight and her eyes hot with tears. Fiona wasn’t a crier, as a rule. She was practical and she carried on. She got on with things.
So, she would get on with this, she decided. She would give Hamish love and stability so that the knowledge that his birth mother had given him away would be a mere detail in the story of his life, overshadowed by his loving family and happy childhood on the island. She would fill his days with memories of laughter and games and books and cuddles and nourishing food and swimming in the dark and beautiful waves, so that the memory of being taken and held by a maddened stranger, was overwhelmed by the goodness of his young life. She couldn’t protect him from all the bad, but she could make sure it was heavily diluted, to the point of safety. Like a single drop of poison in all the oceans of the world.
Having crept out of Hamish’s bedroom and softly closed the door, Fiona wiped under each eye with a finger and went to find her older child. Standing in the doorway, she was caught by Euan’s relaxed position. He was usually hunched in on himself, shoulders tense, face closed. But now he was laughing at something on the screen and then telling Matteo about it in a burst of chatter that reminded her of when he was a small boy and full of guileless enthusiasm.
Matteo wrote something and nudged Euan. He read it and laughed again. ‘Right. All the time.’ Catching sight of Fiona, he added, ‘come and see this, mum.’
Matteo turned, too, and she saw the uncertainty in his handsome, dear face.
‘You stay put,’ she said to him. ‘I’ll sit on the floor.’
And she did. With Euan on her left and Matteo on her right, her back against the sofa and something incomprehensible on the screen.
Esme was holding Hamish’s hand as he lurched from one part of the bookshop to another. He seemed to know instinctively that these books were not for hauling off shelves and, while he occasionally collided with a book-laden wall, he didn’t deliberately put hands onto anything. ‘He’s got clean fingers,’ Esme said out loud.
‘Sorry?’ Luke called from the front of the shop. ‘Did you ask me something?’
‘Nothing,’ Esme called back. ‘Just letting the shop know that I wiped Mr Sticky here before letting him anywhere near the books.’
As if in reward, Esme caught sight of some brightly coloured shelves low to the ground. She guided Hamish to the alcove, which also had a thick soft rug and a large comfy-looking floor cushion. It definitely hadn’t been there the last time she had been in this part of the shop. ‘Thank you,’ she said, as Hamish moved delightedly to the row of picture books that were placed at Hamish-height. He held a hand out and hesitated, just momentarily, his head lifted as if listening. Then he grabbed a book about friendly skeletons going on holiday to the seaside and held it out to Esme.
‘Would you like me to read it?’
Enthusiastic nodding. Esme sat cross-legged on the cushion and Hamish plonked himself into the nest made by her legs. The simple trust made her eyes prickle with tears.
She had read the book from cover to cover, twice, and then one about a pigeon and was halfway through The Enormous Crocodile when she realised that Luke was standing opposite the alcove, watching.
‘What time did Fiona say?’
‘Twelve,’ Esme replied and carried on reading.
At the appointed time, Fiona arrived at the shop. Her hair was damp from the sea and she had a pink glow. She thanked Esme and Luke and accepted Hamish’s bag, which Esme had packed with all his things. He had a book clutched in one hand.
‘You need to put that back,’ Fiona said. ‘It belongs to the shop.’
‘He could borrow it, if you like?’ Luke said. ‘I’ll put it in the ledger.’
‘Doesn’t it need to be a swap?’ Fiona asked.
‘Not for the under-fives,’ Luke said. He looked around at the shop. ‘New rule.’
The shop didn’t seem to object.
Once they were alone, Luke offered Esme a coffee or tea.
‘I’m fine, thanks. I was thinking we could go for lunch soon?’ Her stomach was just beginning to let her know it was time to eat.
Luke flipped the closed sign. ‘How hungry are you?’
‘Middling,’ Esme said.
‘I was thinking,’ he said, sliding his hands around her waist and dipping his head to kiss her, ‘that we could go upstairs for a little while first.’
‘Upstairs?’ Esme felt breathless from the kiss, which had been excellent. ‘Yes, please.’
After, as they got dressed, Luke caught Esme and kissed her again. So thoroughly that she wondered whether they might just skip the food portion of their lunch break and climb back into bed. Luke’s stomach took that moment to growl loudly, and they both laughed.
‘I’ve been thinking about something,’ Luke said, his voice uncertain.
Esme was wearing her skirt and tights and finished pulling her cotton jumper over her head.
‘I want us to stay together.’
For a wild moment, she thought he was going to propose. That would be too soon, though. And surely not? She was getting ahead of herself. ‘I want to stay together, too,’ she said. Her voice was quiet and she reached for him, for the comfort of his body.
They kissed and, when they had stopped, their heads stayed close and they smiled at each other. Luke was holding her as if she were precious and, at the same time, as if she were unbreakable. Esme felt strong and cared for and, while she knew that there were still a great many things she did not understand and many more that would frighten her, in this moment she felt safe and whole and very, very happy.
Luke’s eyes were warm, watching her, and she felt suddenly emboldened. She had faced scarier things than speaking the truth of her heart. ‘I think I might love you.’
‘That’s a relief because I definitely love you, Esme Gray.’
‘Oh.’ Esme wasn’t sure she had ever felt a happiness like this. Her insides were warm and she felt as if she were expanding, as if the joyful feeling could not possibly be contained in the vessel of her body. It was her spirit, she realised. It had unfurled all around her, finally free.
‘And I know it’s too early to propose, but I want you to know that I want to marry you. I want us to be a family.’
Esme’s breath caught in her chest.
‘And I would like to have children with you. If that’s what you want. But neither of those things if you don’t want, although I really hope you do.’
‘I do,’ Esme said. ‘Although maybe not quite yet on the children thing.’
‘No, of course.’ Luke was smiling and his eyes were shining and all she could see was happiness and love and a little relief. And, maybe, just hovering around Luke like a haze, his beautiful spirit that, like hers, had broken the confines of his body from the sheer and complete joy of the moment.
‘I’d like a bit more practice at the thing you have to do to get children,’ Esme said, feeling her smile stretching wider than it had ever done before.
‘Now that,’ Luke said, ‘is a very wise suggestion.’
‘I’m a very wise woman,’ Esme said, and she stepped into his arms with no hesitation at all.
THE END