Chapter Nine Fairfax, 1978
Chapter Nine
James had taken his tiny newborn daughter home to a cold and lonely house that echoed with Marge’s absence.
Moving slowly, he started a fire and boiled a kettle.
The health visitor who had come with him had given him a stock of nappies and formula with instructions on how to feed the little baby girl who had barely made a sound since she was born a week before.
Amelia rarely cried and didn’t seem all that interested in the bottle, but after a while she managed a small amount of formula and fell asleep, whimpering a little.
Feeling increasingly anxious, James placed her in a borrowed cot, also brought along by the brisk, efficient health visitor who informed him she would look in every morning and evening until James had sorted out childcare.
James knew he should be grateful for all the help given, but he felt terrified at the thought of being a father and enraged and in despair at the loss of his wife.
Marge had made his home comfortable in an old-fashioned and slightly fussy way, with lots of heavy, dark wooden furniture and cabinets filled with her collection of cut crystal.
The sofas and chairs were well used and sagged a little and were covered in Marge’s handmade crotchet blankets and cushions with fringes and tassels.
Marge had polished the coffee table until it shone and her kitchen was spotlessly clean with something usually bubbling on the stove or baking in the oven.
She had only been dead a week and already everything looked dusty and neglected. James had been living out of tin cans while his daughter was in hospital. The kitchen smelt of unwashed dish cloths and food gone bad.
Left alone, James had no idea how he was going to do this by himself and felt overwhelmed by the responsibility of taking care of a vulnerable little baby.
He was in over his head. He sent up a silent prayer – James had never been one for religion, but in this most stressful moment, he found himself murmuring for help to a god he wasn’t even sure he believed in.
He heard a loud knock at the door and glanced up to see if it would waken Amelia. She merely stirred a little in her sleep. He looked at her intently. She was such a tiny scrap of a thing but she had become his whole world.
He didn’t recognise the woman at the front door who was holding a delicious-smelling meat and potato pie in a massive Pyrex dish, still warm from the oven.
She was around sixty, plain and plump with greyish hair in a bun on top of her head and wearing a floral apron over a red dress straining at the hips.
She smiled hesitantly. “I hope I’m not disturbing you,” she said softly.
“I wanted to come before but I didn’t want to intrude.
I live nearby and Marge and I used to say hello and pass the time of day.
I heard what happened, and I am so very sorry for your loss.
I just wanted to give you this as I’m sure you haven’t eaten a decent square meal since, well, since she was taken from you. ”
James felt tears well up. He coughed and said, “That’s mighty kind of you.”
“I’m Eloise. Eloise Parker and I’m number 48. You just turn left and there I am. Come round anytime you need help. And try and eat that pie. You need to keep your strength up if you are looking after that little one all by yourself.”
James took the dish from her and said he would try and thanked her again. He was about to close the door when the baby began to cry. He looked so panicked that Eloise asked if she could have a look at her.
“I don’t want to trouble you after you’ve been so kind,” said James. His daughter’s howls grew louder and more insistent.
Eloise smiled at him. “It’s no trouble. I’d sure like to meet her if we are going to be neighbours.”
Eloise peeked at the furious-looking baby who was screaming at the top of her lungs. She had finally found her voice and it was a piercingly loud one.
“Oh, she’s beautiful and so tiny,” exclaimed Eloise. “I think she might need her nappy changed and she also could be hungry.”
James said humbly, “I’ve never actually changed a nappy. They showed me in the hospital, but I don’t think I took it in.”
Eloise tutted, “Well of course you didn’t, you poor man. You’ve had a terrible shock with the loss of your Marge. Look, I’ve had five kids of my own. All grown up now and I’m going to be a grandma soon. I’ve changed thousands of nappies. Let me show you.”
Eloise expertly cleaned and changed the baby, wrapping her in a clean terry towelling nappy fastened with a pink safety pin. She found a bucket and told James to pop the dirty nappy in boiling water, telling him she would wash it for him and hang it up.
Amelia was wrapped in a shawl and tucked under Eloise’s arm while she made up her bottle. She helped James hold it properly to feed his daughter who sucked hungrily.
“They showed me this at the hospital too, but you make it a whole lot easier to follow.”
“You are doing fine. It just takes practice that’s all. Now James, I’m going to pop that pie in the oven to heat it up a bit more while you sit with your daughter. Then you can get her winded, and I will get her to sleep while you have something to eat.”
Eloise bustled into the kitchen and turned on the oven. She nodded with satisfaction at Marge’s organised cupboard under the sink and quickly cleaned up the sticky surfaces and gave the whole place a going over.
She glanced back at James who was giving his daughter her bottle with a look of fear and wonder on his face. ‘The poor man,’ she thought. ‘Life has dealt him a hard hand and he needs all the help he can get.’
She showed James how to hold the little baby to burp her and she gently took her and rocked the little one to sleep before popping her into her cot. She brought him a tray with the pie piled high on the plate and told him firmly to eat up.
The baby hadn’t settled so she picked her up and sat in Marge’s chair opposite James and began singing a lullaby. Feeling calmer with Eloise’s help, James found he was starving and scoffed down the homecooked food. It was delicious and he devoured every crumb while Eloise looked on fondly.
Despite being grateful to her, he knew Eloise would have to go back to her own home soon and he just didn’t know if he was going to be able to get through this. The whole world had shifted beneath his feet.
James had been looking forward to a quiet life, reading, listening to his records, smoking his pipe, enjoying Marge’s cooking and watching TV with her beside him quietly knitting or crocheting.
Then just a week ago, he had found out she was pregnant and the baby had arrived into the world before he had time to properly take in the news.
He had been so proud and happy, and then his Marge had died.
She had been his strength and stay, and although he never told her how much he loved her, he felt sure she had known.
If he was honest, James had always thought he would go first and had never imagined a world where he would have to live without Marge.
They didn’t even get a chance to say a proper goodbye.
He hadn’t wanted to think about her death, but now the memories of that terrible day came rushing back.
He had been unceremoniously pushed out of the room while they worked to save her life.
He remembered calling her name and then a kind nurse taking the baby from him, vaguely recalled the doctor coming to say how sorry he was, and that they had done all they possibly could and did he want them to call anyone.
He was told they would look after his daughter for now and that he should go home. James had stumbled out into the fresh air, sank to his knees in the snow and sobbed like a child. He felt old, worn out and terrified.
When he got back to his front door, he’d called out to Marge just like he always did and then remembered she couldn’t hear him anymore. She would never hear him again.
His usual way of coping with any crisis was to disappear into a bottle of whisky. That night, he had gazed at the half-open bottle on the sideboard, got up, opened it and then threw it down the sink. ‘I’m not going down that road,’ he thought. ‘That little one needs me and I can’t let her down.’
He had already abandoned one daughter, but not this time. He would do right by this one. He just needed a plan. He hadn’t touched a drop that whole week and intended never to drink again.
Blinking back to the present, James finished his meal, scraped his plate and thanked Eloise for being so kind.
“That’s what neighbours do, James. We look out for each other.” She hesitated and then said, “Look, I know it’s early days and you might have made different plans with your friends or family when it comes to looking after little Amelia, but if you need me I would love to help out.”
James mumbled that he didn’t have any family, nor did Marge really, so he was pretty much on his lonesome.
“Well,” said Eloise. “We might just be able to help each other if you don’t mind hearing me out.” The baby had fallen into a contented sleep and was snuffling happily.
She looked at this tiny scrap in her arms and smiled.
“I married young and my husband left me years ago. I brought up my kids on my own. They have all left home now and are doing well. My daughter is about to have her first baby, but she’s in New Zealand.
” Eloise sighed and said quietly, “She might as well be on the moon.”
She went on, “Well darn it, James. I like to take care of people, especially babies and I’m good at it. The truth is I want to be useful, and I really love kids. So why don’t I help you?”
James was silent.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, James. It’s too soon, isn’t it? I’ve put my big foot in it.” She was flustered and embarrassed. “I’d better go.”
James stuttered, “No. Eloise, I’m just trying to take in the fact that you have appeared at my door like a fairy godmother and you are the answer to my prayers.”
Eloise smiled at him in relief.
James told her that it had to all be done properly.
He would hire her as a nanny and pay her a proper wage.
When Eloise waved him away, he stood firm.
This was the way it had to be or it was a no go.
They would work out a proper contract and Eloise would begin first thing tomorrow. She was given a key and a handshake.
In fact, she never did start the next morning. Around 1am she heard the baby wailing from next door and popped in to see James struggling with a dirty nappy. She elbowed him aside and took over.
James gratefully staggered to his bed and fell into the first deep sleep he’d had in seven days, and he thought that maybe, just maybe, it was going to be alright.