Chapter 3
Chapter Three
CALLUM/CASH
Then
Crowned In Ruin & Wreckage
If pain were power, I’d be a king…and she’d still be the girl who crowned me with her goodbye.
Idrag myself to the living room of Bren’s and my suite. We got in late last night, and I drank myself to sleep.
What’s new, Cash?
I never thought making my dreams come true would mean losing myself completely. I wrestle with that and make a screwdriver. Something’s gotta numb me. It may as well be more alcohol.
Bren’s sitting out on the patio, facing away from me with the sliding glass door open, talking to Livianna on the phone.
I swear her voice is what pulled me out of my drunken slumber. I seem to have a sixth sense for her.
He stands and grabs the back of his chair. “Livianna, it’s your turn to think. Be real and consider what could go wrong. Besides, why do you need to go to a sex club? How are you gonna find what you’re looking for when all anyone who’s there wants is sex?”
She’s going to a sex club?
Oh, fucking hell no! Not if I can stop her.
I pick up my glass and slam it against the wall. It shatters, just like my life has since the day Leon fucking Baker burrowed his way into it.
I hate him and see red, rage boiling inside. It’s only a matter of time before I kill him.
My chest heaves as I stomp across the floor and glare at Bren, warning him to tell her she can’t go to any goddamn sex club.
It’s already hell knowing she’s had sex with other guys. I won’t make it knowing she’s out there doing…whatever the fuck they do at those places.
Bren makes some smart-ass comment to Livianna and hangs up. He slides his phone into his sweatpants pocket.
“Cash, don’t look at me like that.” He comes inside and closes the door. “You do crazy shit with hookups all the time. Livianna can do whatever she wants.”
“Fuck off, Guns. You know I don’t give two shits about them. It’s Lily I’m thinking about.”
“I’m sure it would comfort Livianna to know that when you’re fucking someone else, you’re thinking about her.”
I ignore his dig. “She’s the only one I want.”
His shoulder clips mine as he marches by. “You have a funny way of showing it.”
I spin toward him. “You know if she were my girlfriend, I’d never do any of that.”
“So you say.”
“Fuck! She’s too good of a person to… She’s pure. At least she used to be.” I rake my hands through my hair, knowing I can’t judge her for any shit she does. “I just want my old life back.”
“Then quit once our deal is up. Go back to how it used to be and stop making everyone else pay for whatever shitty situation you got yourself into.”
I growl out a low scream. “And then what would you do? Go off on your own?”
Bren stares fire at me across the room. We’ve had this fight so many times over the last four months. I’m sure he’s sick of me and my antics, just like Livianna is.
She told me when she left Uncle John’s funeral she was done, and I think she really means it this time. Why else would she move halfway across the world?
I knew it would be hard to get through these last years of our contract while trying to keep all my remaining relationships together, but I never thought it would be this difficult.
I’m about to lose everyone who matters to me. Fury unleashes within me. I flip the coffee table over. The marble top smashes against the tiled floor, shattering into chunks.
The hotel’s gonna charge us for that. Oh well. Just add the bill to whatever else is being taken from me.
“I can’t fucking take it, Guns. I’m going fucking crazy!”
“Then tell me how to help because every time I try to step in, you threaten me.” He shoves his forceful palms into my chest and pushes me back. “Maybe I’m the crazy one because I’m still standing by your side, trying to get you to open up. For fuck’s sake, Cash. What’s it gonna take?”
“There’s nothing to tell.” I stalk toward my room, forcing my hostility down. “Forget this shit. We’ve got a podcast to do.”
I slam my door shut.
He yells from the other room. “That’s right, Cash. Run away like you always do. It fixes everything.”
I flip him off even though he can’t see me and storm into the bathroom. I tear off my clothes and step into a scalding-hot shower. Anything feels better than the deep sting of betrayal burning me alive.
All the long nights when Floating V ran rampant in my veins still haunt me. Blackouts, flashes of Leon’s hands, the feeling of being puppeted. I’m still not free, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be.
Leon and the sexual abuse creeps into my brain inch by inch, day by day. I can’t escape it. It’s costing me everything. If I don’t do something soon, it’s gonna bury me.
Knowing Livianna is going to a sex club might be just what it takes to get me to realize I need to make a drastic change. But how and what exactly can I do?
She may be my ex, but she’s the only person who’s ever seen me—just Callum. I vow to find my way back to her. One way or another, she will be mine again one day. Otherwise, I might just die of heartache.
I toss the butt of my joint into the toilet, leave the bathroom, and meet the guys in the greenroom where we’re to wait for the podcast host to come and get us.
My gaze lands on Hawke as I stride into the room. He’s dyed the tips of his brown hair bright red again.
I gesture to it. “If that doesn’t remind me of the good old days.”
He crinkles up his nose. “What?”
“Your hair, mate. The last time you had it like that was when we were just forming the band.” I slouch in a chair next to him.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He runs his fingers through it. “Makes sense. I was feeling nostalgic when I went to get it done.”
“That makes two of us, mate.” I glance at Bren. “You guys left without me.”
“Thought you could use some space.” He does something on the screen of his phone and doesn’t look up.
His tone has leveled off, so I’ll take that as a sign he’s letting my tantrum slide. Cooper lounges back.
He places his foot on the coffee table and crosses the other over his ankle. “So, what’s the agenda for today? Cash is baked, so which one of us is taking the lead?”
Bren lifts his head and stares over at me. “Let Cash.”
Cooper’s eyes narrow on Bren. “Guns, the last time we let him take the reins while he was high, he changed the name of our album. You really want to go through something like that again?”
He shrugs with a hateful gleam cutting my way. “Maybe for once, Cash will make the right decision and not pull us into his destruction.”
Yeah, I was off on my assessment that he’s let me off the hook from my tirade. Whatever.
Internally, I flip him off and turn my focus to Cooper. “Why don’t you run the show, Cooper? You’re in the right headspace. I can’t say the same for Guns, and Hawke despises being the lead.”
“You boys having another lovers’ spat?” Cooper motions between Bren and me.
Neither of us says anything. The room falls into a tense hush.
Hawke pushes out of his chair and stands. “It’s all you, Coop. I’m not about to get involved. I’m only here because of my pretty face.”
Cooper rolls his eyes right as the host, Amanda, comes in and welcomes us. She takes us to the sound booth and gets us set up.
They have a couch that seats two of us with chairs on either side. Bren and I sit in those. Hawke and Cooper take the spotlight on the couch. It’s a nice change.
In the middle, a studio table with microphones and cameras faces us. She sits on the other side and gestures for us to put on our headphones. We all do and settle in for what should be an easy one-hour interview.
Amanda signals we’re recording and starts the interview.
“This is Amped Frequency: Backstage with Amanda Steele—Behind the chords, chaos, and charisma of rock… Amanda takes you where the noise gets real. Today we’re here with the members of the breakout rock sensation Mayhem. Welcome, guys.”
We all offer a quick wave or mumbled hello.
Amanda jumps right in. “I have so much I want to cover, but first I need to say how attractive you all are in person. From your physical appearance to your clothes, you’re all mouth-watering.”
We laugh while Guns tips his chin and flashes a lopsided grin. “Thanks, Amanda, but tell us who the best-looking one of us is.”
“Oh, no. I’m not getting caught in that trap.” She shakes her head, though her heated gaze stays right on Guns.
He smirks. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say it. We all know it’s me.”
“Well, you certainly dress well.” She motions to his outfit. “Is that a Livianna Grace Design original?”
“It is.” Bren runs his hands down his leather pants. “I wear quality, nothing less. And Livianna Grace Designs fits my style hard.”
Amanda addresses Cooper and Hawke. “How about you two? Are you wearing Livianna Grace Design originals?”
They both answer yes, and my pulse kicks into overdrive. Why the fuck is Amanda focused on clothes when this is a show about rock bands? She’s up to something.
I shift and drop my gaze to the floor. Do not ask me anything about Livianna.
“That only leaves you, Cash.”
I raise my head, trying to look composed even as my hands shake and my muscles tighten.
Amanda brings her mischievous, twinkling stare my way. “Are you sporting one of her designs?”
“No, Amanda.” I drag my teeth over my bottom lip. “I’m just wearing some jeans and a T-shirt.”
She doesn’t let up. “Why is that? Do you not like her clothes?”
Bren clears his throat while Cooper leans forward, eyes fixed on her.
I glance their way with an expression that says, let me handle this. “I respect the brand. Doesn’t mean I wear it.”
“It seems it’s the band’s favorite fashion line.” Amanda splays her hand out to the guys. “What’s the deal with not wearing it?”
Now my blood pressure shoots through the roof. “Look back in the history books and you’ll have your answer.”
Cooper broadens his shoulders. “What’s with the fashion questions, Amanda? We’re here to talk about music. Let’s get on with it.”