Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
LIVIANNA/LILY
Then
Strange Worlds & Terrible Memories
Some people heal you just by holding the pieces while you fall apart. But the ones who stay after? They’re the ones who break you in all the right ways.
The panic that hijacked my chest only minutes ago quiets, tucked away beneath the hush of this place. This…sanctuary.
Sanctuary? No, this is something else. It’s a temple, a place of worship, maybe? Perhaps a confessional of some sort.
The lights change to a beautiful greenish-blue tint, and a blanket of warmth rolls from the ceiling, covering me. I almost feel like I’m being hugged in a blissful dream. Maybe I passed out and I’m stuck in a strange reality.
“Jax…” My voice sounds foreign to me. Fragile. Drenched in awe, confusion, a touch of fear, and a million questions. “What is this place?”
His jaw ticks, and he’s tense. It seems like he wants to answer when he opens his mouth, but he closes it just as fast. It’s as if, if he speaks, he’ll expose something I’m not allowed to know.
An intense wave of gratitude hits—that he brought me here at all when it’s clearly something he’s struggling with now. It fills me to my core. I’m beyond grateful.
“Jax, thank you for bringing me up here while I was having my panic attack. It helped.” I place my hand on his knee. “But if you don’t want me in this space, we can go back to your office.”
His gaze travels to where my hand is resting. He takes a breath, and his body relaxes. He shifts, sitting back with his knees drawn up. He circles his arms around them and peers at me.
“No, Livianna. Let’s finish the interview here. I have a feeling you’ll be more open with me in this environment.” He starts taking off his Italian leather shoes and gestures to my heels. “I’ve never had anyone up here, but the rule is no shoes in this area.”
“I wouldn’t dare break one of your rules.”
Something like fire flares in his mysterious brown eyes, but he averts his gaze to my feet.
Was he turned on by me somehow? My heart skips a beat.
Not the appropriate time, Livianna.
“Let me help.” He reaches for my foot and unlatches the thin buckled strap that’s around my ankle. “While I’m doing this, tell me what set you off downstairs.”
I scoot back against the plush pillows, not knowing if I can say what I need to say. The lights change to lavender, and the same scent that filtered into the elevator fills the air. My defenses vanish.
Jax moves to my other shoe and begins to remove it. “This is a safe space. You can share anything that’s on your mind. It won’t leave this room.”
“Why do I feel like I could tell you anything right now and I wouldn’t need to…” I wrap my hands around my bloody wrists.
He finishes getting me comfortable and takes our shoes to a rug near the elevator. When he turns to come back to the area, a kind understanding softens his face.
He tugs off his black designer suit jacket, loosens his tie, and unbuttons the top two buttons of his crisp white shirt.
“This is a biometric blackout suite designed to recalibrate the nervous system after high-risk decisions I make. It was developed to calm, relax, and reset my emotions.”
“Wow, so it’s super high-tech.” It’s now I realize just how brilliant Jaxon Crowne is, and I’m more than impressed. “How does it work?”
“That’s not what we’re here to discuss.” He strides to a cabinet and takes out a rolled towel. “This is soft enough that it shouldn’t aggravate your wounds. It’s infused with chamomile and coconut oil, which should help with healing.”
He rejoins me in the cocoon-like space and hands me the towel. I take it from him. It’s warm and as soft as a baby’s skin.
“Thank you.” I run the material over my cuts.
Just like he said, the oils soothe and calm the damage I’ve done to myself. I keep my gaze on the cabinet. Why would he have this hidden room in his office? His work can’t be that—
He cuts through my spiraling thoughts. “Are you doing better?”
“Yes, but why would you build something like this?”
“Again, not what we’re here to talk about.” He runs his palm over his beard, adjusts a few pillows, sits across from me, and rests back while still radiating power and control. “I’d like it if you told me what happened in my office.”
I glance down.
Just be honest, Livianna. He said it wouldn’t leave this room.
Thinking about Lehlani Rose has my heart pounding and my pulse racing. The lights adjust to a deeper lavender, and the air fills with the newly familiar scent that’s disarming.
Somehow, the room is reacting to my emotions. It’s fascinating.
I raise my gaze to a patient Jaxon. “My business… It shouldn’t be called Livianna Grace Designs.”
“Then what should it be?”
“I want it to reflect…” I check in with myself and trust I’m safe. “My company is a lie.”
He studies me for a brief moment. “It’s not a lie. It’s just not aligned.”
“Yes! That’s exactly how I should’ve articulated what I’ve been trying to say.”
He nods as if he’s known all along. “Who is she?”
“What?”
“Earlier, you said, ‘She deserves to be seen.’ Who were you talking about?”
Panic strikes me, but Jaxon reads it as fast as it hits. He lifts a gray blanket and places it over my legs. It’s heavy and grounding.
“Livianna, the longer you keep this deep-seated secret to yourself, the longer you’ll live with your self-induced suffering.”
Self-induced? What the ever-living…?
My eyes round. “You think I want to feel like this?”
“No, but I believe you’re terrified of not feeling like you do. It’s part of you.”
“What? That doesn’t even make sense.”
“Then why not tell me what you’re hiding and let yourself be free of it? There’s a reason, a payoff you’re getting by dealing with this thing all on your own.”
His words make a bit of sense. What am I getting by keeping this in? The truth comes as fast as the question leaves my mind.
My insides empty. “I can’t tell anyone because I shouldn’t be here. I don’t deserve to live, not after what I did.”
“What did you do that makes you believe you don’t deserve to be alive?” He rubs my leg and shoots me a sincere look of wonder.
My chest heats. I want to tell him everything, but my world tips and adrenaline snakes up my spine.
Oh, no. I’m not falling for this mindfuckery. I stand and get ready to run the hell out of this chamber of…?
Fuck if I know what this place is. It’s a mind game. I take one exaggerated step away.
Jax stays where he is. “If you leave now, you’re choosing to let your dreams die. I won’t chase you, Livianna. I’ll let you go, but don’t expect anything more from me.”
I growl, knowing I’m out of my league trying to beat him at this…
Fuck!
“Now you’re manipulating me.” I spin toward him, and the stupid lights turn blue. “Great. You brought me into a space that tells you every goddamn emotion I’m having. It’s like some billionaire superhero superpower, isn’t it? Is this how you interview everyone?”
The room turns pink, yellow, green, then back to blue. Citrus, cedar, and vanilla fuse in the air. A cool ocean breeze floats over me, then the room heats again.
“I have nothing to do with what’s going on right now.” Jax tips his head up to meet my frightened but armed gaze.
“Then how does it work?”
“The system picks up breath and heart rate from the floor sensors. It’s mirroring us, not reading minds.”
“That’s reassuring,” I say dryly.
His lips quirk into a hidden smile. “The biometric detectors are picking up on both of our feelings. That’s why there’s a weird kaleidoscope of effects we’re dealing with.”
I huff and shake my head, but release a small laugh.
My shoulders relax. “You said no one else has ever been in here. Are you saying we’re breaking your elite designer program?”
“Two people have never been in here together, so it’s possible.” He gestures to the space where I had been sitting.
“Livianna, I’m not trying to scare you. I’m trying to help. But I can’t do that without knowing what you truly want. If you can’t get there, then maybe you don’t want your business to succeed as much as you think you do.”
His words hit hard.
I sink right before him, inches away. “I really want it, but don’t know how to get there without hurting people.”
“It’s simple, Livianna. Not easy, but it’s straightforward. Just admit what you see when you close your eyes.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“What would it take for you to get to a place where you would trust me and let me in?”
“It’s not you I’m worried about knowing. I think if you knew, you could lead me in the right direction. I just need to know if I can create my business the way I want without the most important people in my life figuring out what it stands for.”
“So what if they do? If you’re successful with it, wouldn’t they be happy for you?”
My nerves prick at my skin. It feels like bugs are crawling underneath the surface. I scratch at my wrist, but stop as soon as Jax places his hand over mine.
“Jax, that’s the problem. I’m not sure how they would feel about me. They might hate me even more than they do.”
The lights and the aroma continue to glitch, switching between different colors and scents. Jax doesn’t seem bothered by it. He’s focused on me and me alone.
“Make me understand.” His brows come together. “Explain what you’re struggling with. You have my word. Whatever you tell me will stay between us.”
I stare at him for a moment. It would be a relief to let someone know what I do. Maybe he could help me find a way around it. He’s brilliant, so there’s a chance.
“Jax… I think it’ll be easier to start at the beginning, but I don’t want to have your eyes on me when I tell you. It makes me feel too…exposed.”
“Okay. Get comfortable and speak freely. I’ll stay quiet and just listen.” He gestures to a place in the cocoon area where I can recline. “You go over there and I’ll sit here with an open mind.”
“That sounds like something that could work.” I rest back on the pillows and close my eyes as I replay the day I was made aware of Lehlani Rose.