Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
JAXON/JAX
Then
Broken Fighters & Terrifying Firebombs
The one who falls apart in your arms doesn’t save you. She’s the one who makes you need what you swore you’d never want.
“Fuck, Livianna. Why did I let you in?” The words leave me on a breath she can’t hear.
She’s on my chest, sleeping. Not like a woman who’s tired, but like someone who finally stopped running from whatever terror has her by the throat. A ghost that haunts her day in and day out.
And God help me, a dark, twisted part of me wishes that ghost would chase her right back to the States.
Because if it does...maybe she won’t become the person I ruin by holding too near. I can’t have anyone that close to me. It could never work. And then there’s her father.
Damn, I’m in one of the worst binds I’ve ever found myself in. I should run and never look back, but that’s not my nature.
I’m a fighter…a winner, but something deep inside me tells me I won’t win this battle. My insides knot at that thought.
I glance down at her and draw her closer, holding her like she’s something fragile I have no right to touch. A realization hits me.
I’ve destroyed empires more gently than I’m embracing her now. Yet, I don’t want to let her out of my arms, so I bring her in tighter.
Maybe I lied to myself thinking she needed comfort. Maybe I was the one who needed to be held.
As she told her story, flashes of my parents’ clinic being firebombed when I was twelve tore through me. Trauma. It’s nothing but irreversible trauma.
The overwhelming fear of believing I was alone from that point on seemed to be what Livianna experienced. I lost those I loved the most in that tragedy. But what she lost cuts in a way I can barely imagine.
She carries a belief that she’s somehow responsible for losing a twin, a loved one her parents don’t talk about. I know I wasn’t at fault for what happened to my family, and that’s the major difference.
I run my fingers through her hair, not to soothe her, but to convince myself she’s real. That this moment—this sanctum of breath and bones and heartbreak—isn’t another hallucination I engineered to hold myself together.
If we weren’t in this space and I were reliving what Livianna did, I’d be just as much of a mess as Livianna was when I carried her in. I know that kind of panic, and I don’t wish it on anyone.
I replay everything that took place in the last few hours, shocked that I allowed it to occur. Hell, I brought her here. What did I think would happen?
After her disclosure, she sighed once. A little broken thing that nearly took me with it.
She gutted me. Overhearing her mother’s horrific resentment is the ultimate betrayal. I can’t even imagine how deep that cuts.
I huff a humourless laugh at the thought. It wounds viciously just as Livianna digs and scratches into her skin. She’s been defiant, provocative, and pushed every limit out of desperation.
Who Livianna is finally clicks into place, and I see her in a way I never have. Her defiance isn’t defiance at all.
It’s a lifeline that keeps her safe and gives her a sense of power. And needing control is something I understand to my soul. Especially when everything in my life was chaos for so long.
I’ve always seen Lorna Hemings as the beautiful model who runs the family while Greg builds his empire. She keeps them in a pristine, meticulously constructed bubble. She manages everything to perfection and designs it to fit the narrative she wants the world to see.
Do I blame her? No. I understand her reason, but I admit I hate it for Livianna’s sake as she’s the victim in Lorna’s grief.
In this moment, I realize that Lorna’s nicely kept image of her family and how society sees them is how she keeps her destructive and hurtful thoughts together and tucked away so no one can see. And Livianna is the one who pays the price.
My heart aches for her. I take another glance down at her. She’s tucked in around me, looking like a peaceful angel.
I still hold her tight, trying to steady a heartbeat I’ve spent years training not to react. But it does…for her.
And I hate how much I like the way that feels.
She stirs and lifts her head. “What time is it?”
I glance at the display embedded in the wall near the panel that runs the biometric-syncing lights. “Late. Or early. Depends on how you measure the day.”
She blinks, still half-tangled in sleep. “What?”
“It’s past business hours, close to dinnertime. Meaning it’s late for work but early for the evening.”
She pushes upright fast, alarm sparking in her eyes. “You’re telling me I’ve been asleep for…how long?”
I sit up. “It doesn’t matter. Your body needed to recover, and I gave you the space and time to do that.”
“What made you bring me up here?”
“You were having a panic attack. I knew this area could put you at ease in a way I couldn’t.”
“Do you use it for that reason?”
“What reason would that be?”
“You told me once you suffered from panic attacks, but you made it sound like that was in the past.” She studies my expression. “Do you still have them?”
My jaw locks hard. Not because I’m upset with her, but because I don’t want to let her see that side of me. It’s too much.
She reaches toward me, hesitant. “Jax, it’s okay if you do.”
“Livianna, stop pushing me. I already told you this room recalibrates my nervous system after high-risk decisions I make. It was built to calm, relax, and reset everything. That’s it. Don’t make it out to be anything more than that.”
“Sorry.” Her cheeks turn red, and she pulls back her arm. “You must think I’m a terri—”
“What I think is you’re brave.”
“I can’t believe I poured my soul out to you.” She glances at the elevator door, then back at me. “What about the rest of the interview?”
“I have all the information I need.” I keep my voice steady, even though nothing inside me is. “There are a few things we still need to discuss, but you’re in the program if you want to be.”
“Very much.” A smile breaks from her lips. “Thank you, Jax. I know your guidance will take me to the next level.”
“Only if you make changes.” I give her a serious stare. “If you want a fashion house that dominates one entire market sector, you have to be honest about what you want it to look like.”
She nods, and the warm golden light that casts over us changes to a soft purple. She must be escalating again.
I can’t help myself. I reach over and rub her knee. “You don’t have to do anything at this moment, but you need to answer me at some point.”
There’s a beat of stillness as she seems to consider what I said. After a second, she places her palm on the top of my hand.
“I want to name my company after her,” she whispers.
“Lehlani Rose Designs. It has a beautiful ring to it.” I let the words settle between us like an invocation.
I nod, just once. “If that’s true, then say it. Say it out loud in your mother’s house, and to her face. Speak it until your sister’s name no longer burns your tongue and causes you enormous pain.”
Livianna goes still, and the lights glow a deeper hue of violet. Her breathing kicks up.
I lean forward, slowly and deadly calm. “You need to look your mother in the eyes and say it out loud. Because if you can’t claim your sister’s name in the house that buried her, you’ll never believe the masses when they celebrate you.”
Her gaze fills with something ancient. A knowing truth. It’s something she realized long before this moment.
Her business is stalling because deep down she doesn’t want Livianna Grace Designs to succeed. She wants Lehlani Rose Designs to take the world by storm in its place. And for that to happen, she has to confront her parents.
I stare deep into Livianna’s eyes. “Your brand idea is possible. But not without a cost. Not without rebirthing it like a phoenix rising from the ashes.”
“Jax, I don’t know how.”
“You’ll feel the fire when you do. You have to stand up to your parents and let them know you heard their secret. Unfortunately, it will feel thousands of times worse than how you felt when you told me.”
“I know.” It comes out soft and hushed. “Having that conversation with my parents will be hard, but it needs to be done. Thank you for helping me and holding the space for me to settle into what I know must take place.”
She shifts closer instead of away. Her soft perfume swirls around us, and my heartbeat accelerates. She’s absolutely gorgeous and all feminine beauty now.
Facing her biggest fear makes her even more breathtaking. Her vulnerability seduces more than any intention could, unraveling me in ways I never planned for.
My body tightens with the force of the realization—I want her. I want to touch her, praise her. I want to claim her and make her mine.
But not like this. This is wrong. Every reason it’s not right to feel this way about her races through my thoughts.
I’m too old for her. She’s young, and we’ll be working together. I can’t have anyone breach the borders of my existence, and her father would never accept how I’m feeling. My life is too dangerous for his daughter and I have to agree.
“How will I ever repay you, Jaxon Crowne?” Her hand settles on my chest, over my heart.
I almost lose control.
She’s not trying to seduce me. It’s like she’s offering me a kind of salvation I promised myself I’d never want.
Damn if that doesn’t terrify me, because I’m not afraid of her darkness. I’m scared of the light she’s putting inside mine. And that makes me crave her even more.
Fuck, I want her.
But the desire for her doesn’t feel physical. It’s cardinal. Soul-deep. Like if I touch her now, it won’t stop at my skin. It’ll reach the part of me I buried a long time ago.
I search deep into her eyes. What’s going on between us right now, and how can I get it to stop?
She gets even closer until her lips are inches from mine. She doesn’t lean in or push for a connection. She just stares up at me, silent, waiting for me to make the first move.
I lower my head slightly. Too far to be innocent, not far enough to cross the line.
Our breaths tangle, and every part of me wants to go in for more. At the same time, I want to leave this situation, but the moment takes hold.
She glances at my lips. My stomach spins and my pulse races.
I could kiss her right now and she’d let me. She’s already given me permission.
But I stop myself because if I taste her, I’ll take her. I’ll want to own every cell of her. And once I do, there’s no turning back.
I pull away.
“Why won’t you answer me?” Her tone with me is gentle. “It’s your turn. Tell me what you want from me, Jax?”
Thoughts of her in my bed, unable to hold back as I take control, keep running through my head. This has to stop before I do something foolish.
My voice drops to gravel. “I don’t know what to do with this.”
She tilts her head. “With what?”
“This.” I gesture with my hand between us. “You and me. If I do anything, I’m making a vow I’m not sure I can commit to.”
She sucks in a breath through her parted lips. Her tongue slides over them, and I’m magnetized.
What does she taste like when she moans my name like it’s the only thing keeping her alive?
We let the moment stretch, neither of us willing to break the unspoken rule.
We shouldn’t be doing this. We shouldn’t want one another, but the electricity between us is undeniable.
Like a loaded gun to my temple, she presses for more. “Jax, you’ve spent our time together telling me I need to ask for what I want. When will I get the same in return?”
“Livianna…”
“No, Jax. Something shifted between us at some point today. You can try to deny it, but it’s here, and it’s not going away. If anything, it’s growing.”
I swallow the lump of truth. “You’re in a vulnerable state. Anything you’re feeling is likely part of the release from reliving your trauma.”
She shakes her head. “It’s more than that. You know what I’m talking about. I know you do because I can see it in your eyes.”
“What you see is compassion, empathy, and a desire to help you get the success you deserve. Anything else you think is going on isn’t what you think it is.”
I rise to my feet and retrieve our shoes. “Let me take you to dinner, and we can explore how you want to go forward.”
“You already know what I want. I’ve never kept my attraction to you a secret.” She huffs a resigned sigh. “If anything, I’ve made a fool of myself showing you exactly what I want.”
I place her heels next to her. “You know what I mean, Livianna. We can talk about your company and devise a plan. We don’t have to discuss anything that could be triggering. We can focus on the first steps and develop a next-level business plan.”
“You don’t get to brush this off.” She rises to my level. “If you don’t admit what this is, I’m going to move on and never give this another shot. I’m done putting myself out there just so you can coil into yourself and keep a safe distance.”
The air leaves my lungs. Not like a man losing his breath. It’s more like a king losing a war he didn’t prepare for.
Our gazes stay hooked, but the connection is too intense to face. I lower my head and try to figure out how to avoid this.
How did I let this happen? How did she work her way into my heart?
She grabs her shoes and takes a step toward the elevator. Before she can flee, I catch her wrist. It’s not a harsh grasp. It’s more of a desperate hold on her.
What am I doing? Let her go, Jaxon.
She drops her gaze to my hand. She stares at it for a few beats, then looks up at me.
Her eyes beg for the truth. “Say it.”
I can’t, because if I do…I’m afraid I’ll never want to let her go. And that might be the most dangerous thing of all.
So instead, I whisper the only thing I can offer. “Don’t go. Not yet.”
“Why? And don’t skirt around the issue. Spit it out and tell me why you want me to stay.”
I open my mouth to answer, but it snaps shut before words form.
And for the first time in my life, I’m not sure if my silence is saving me or destroying everything I’m trying not to need.