Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
JAXON/JAX
Then
Trembling Hands & Pretty Promises I break.
My tie is too tight…and now lines are blurred.
Hold it together, Jaxon. You’ve done this before.
I adjust my tie for the fourth time in two minutes. My heart is pounding even though I’m trying to steady it.
And Livianna… She’s not acting like herself, which is making this worse. She’s quiet in a way that isn’t her. I’m not sure who this version of her is, and it’s fucking with my head…big time.
I knew giving in to my temptation would wreck me. And here I am, living it out for the entire restaurant to witness. Anyone with eyes can see how strained we are.
The guests here probably think she’s my sister and I’m giving her a hard time about something she’s done. I growl and turn my head away.
The problem is she’s wearing the red dress I picked out specifically for her and looks downright sexy as sin. I’m magnetized to her. I try to play it cool, reclining in my chair. I gaze at her.
Livianna’s eyes flit around the room. Her hands go under the table. It’s a dead giveaway she’s either scratching at her skin or thinking about it. She has that look about her.
I angle my head toward her. “Livianna?”
She doesn’t say anything. She faces toward the entrance and shifts to the side like she’s a jaguar about to flee.
“I’m sorry, Jax.” She stands and grabs her purse off the table.
“I thought I could do this, but I can’t.
I wish it could be different because I really want to explore our relationship.
You’ve been thoughtful and generous, and you’ve told me what I need to do to be with you.
But I was wrong about everything. I need to go. ”
What?
She wants to leave? I’m still processing her words as she takes off. I’ve never had a woman bolt from our arrangement.
But Livianna’s always been a fucking wild card. I should’ve known something like this would play out. If she were manipulating me like she does others, I’d see it. But this isn’t that.
No, she’s terrified…of me. She’s halfway to the front door before I get my head on straight and follow her.
What the fuck did I do that triggered her?
I close the distance in ten hard strides. “Livianna, stop.”
“No, I need some air.” Her voice is thin. Her gaze, fixed somewhere far beyond me.
This situation is worse than I thought. I think she might be headed straight for a panic attack. It’s the exact opposite of what I was trying to have her experience tonight. I pushed too hard, too fast.
Fuck me!
I follow her out in silence despite wanting to demand her discipline, the words clawing at the back of my throat. Whatever she’s dealing with, I don’t want to set that off in front of a place full of people.
Once we get outside, the Paris air blankets me in warmth. Maybe it will calm Livianna. I don’t dare touch her since it seems I’m the one who created this reaction from her.
She paces along the side of the building, messing with her phone. She’s shaking so much, it’s about to fall out of her hands.
It takes a couple of seconds for me to steady myself before approaching her. She doesn’t look up from staring at her screen. I place my hand over the top, careful not to touch her since I'm the one she seems to be afraid of.
“Can we talk about this?” My tone is gentle but firm.
She raises her head, eyes wide like she’s being pulled under the surface of the ocean by a shark.
“Jax, I’m not what you want. I don’t know how to be in a box. You’ve been right all this time. Jax, I can’t… I mean… I don’t know what I should do. Just saying this to you is probably wrong.”
“Wait a minute. Take a breath, and when you’re ready, let me hold you because you leaving is the last thing I want. You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“Yes, I have. I kissed you without you telling me I could. I’m talking right now and I know that’s against the rules. And the wine… You didn’t like me drinking. Jesus, Jaxon. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be the person you want. You want—”
“You.” I place my hands on her shoulders and give her a sincere stare. “Tell me what you need and we can fix this. You have the power…the control, Livianna. Everything that happens between us…”
Fuck. How do I explain this without breaking her more? I need the authority, but she holds the stop switch. Ultimately, it’s she who ends anything she’s uncomfortable with.
I have to remember she’s new to this concept. It’s a goddamn maze I have to work through. If I could get her out of my head, my visions, and my dreams… She’s fucking everywhere I turn.
I huff out my frustration with myself. “Livianna, please don’t go.”
“I have to.” Her head lowers. “I don’t want this. Not the way you have it set up. It feels too…harsh. I feel like I’m suffocating.”
“How so? Tell me and maybe we can work around those issues.”
She raises her gaze, something hopeful and terrified flickering through it. “Do you think you could compromise with me?”
The dominant in me wants to put everything in its perfect place and say hell no, but that’s not what she needs. And for some crazy reason, that’s more important to me.
“Livianna, tonight was meant to be a night where you let yourself go and let me take care of you while sharing a new kind of pleasure. Your enjoyment in the experience…being with me has always been about give and take.”
“I don’t know what that means. You’re talking in riddles.”
“I’m not, but clearly you’re not understanding me. Explain what’s going on in your head.”
She steps away from me. “You think I need boundaries, but I don’t know how to move like that. I’m used to knowing how to work someone to get what I want. And with you, I’m so fucking lost. I don’t know how to be around you. You couldn’t possibly want that.”
“You’re right. I don’t want to be manipulated or in a relationship with you where you’re playing games with me. I won’t do it, but that doesn’t mean I won’t fantasize about being with you.”
“Where does that leave us?” She shrugs and shakes her head. “You want someone I can’t be, Jax. I need to talk when I want. I want to be able to kiss and touch you when I feel like it.”
My shoulders tighten. Just thinking about her running from me puts me on edge.
I have to find a way to make this work. “Then maybe…”
“I can’t, Jax. You want a puppet, and I can’t be that. When I was an actress, people always made me do things I didn’t want, but I did it to make my mom accept…”
Ah, now I see how Livianna got to this point.
“Okay…” I suck in a breath, knowing I’m about to go against anything and everything I demand when I’m involved with a woman. “If you desire freedom to talk, to touch when you want, and that’s what you need, then it’s yours. Like I said, you have the power. Just tell me where the lines are for you.”
“Really?” Her smile hits me like a spotlight.
And damn if that doesn’t make me feel like a fucking god.
“Jax, you’re serious about that? This isn’t some test I’m supposed to pass? You’re not setting me—”
“Livianna, when I say something to you, it’s my word. And I don’t give that to just anyone. You matter more than you realize. I’ll work with you so you’re comfortable while we explore all there is to discover about each other.”
She lunges into my arms. On instinct I take her in a tight embrace. Her perfume whispers to me all the promise of the night. I bring her closer until a soft gasp catches in her throat.
I let up. “Do you still want to leave?”
She leans back and stares at me. Her fingers still clutch my lapel.
Her sparkling gaze hypnotizes me, but she stays in my arms. “Yes, Jax. I want to go now.”
My face screws up. “What?”
“You heard me. I’m done waiting. Take me somewhere we can finally let go.” She presses into me, all breasts and breath and a scent that has me second-guessing myself.
All I can do is nod.
My plans for tonight are shot to hell. And it’s at this exact moment I realize she’s way more in control than I ever was.
Worse yet, I’m one hundred percent looking forward to whatever the fuck she has planned for us. She’s obviously way better at this game than I anticipated.
I laugh to myself. In this scenario, I may as well be the sub and she the dom. Fuck me all to hell. She’s out of my league, and I didn’t even suspect it.
I place my hands on her hips, needing to touch her and keep her with me. “Would you like to skip dinner and join me at my place?”
“Very much.” She throws her arms around my neck and angles her face toward me. “Now kiss me.”
If I thought she had almost slipped out of my grasp tonight because she was manipulating me, I wouldn’t even be tempted to give in to her…but she was truly disturbed by my rules. For that reason, I lean down and bring my mouth to hers.
Her lips are soft, yielding to mine with a gentle pressure that sends shivers down my spine. I can taste the faint hint of wine on her tongue as it tentatively explores my mouth.
I wrap my arms around her waist, pull her closer, and feel the curve of her body against mine. The kiss deepens, our tongues dancing in a rhythm that’s exhilaratingly new.
Every sensation is heightened. The touch of her skin, the sound of her soft moans, and the intoxicating scent of her perfume. I lose myself in the moment, my thoughts consumed by the overwhelming need to be with her and to feel more of her.
Her hands weave in my hair, pulling me into the kiss, as if she’s trying to absorb every ounce of me. Her heartbeat, pounding in sync with mine, is a connection that transcends words.
In this moment, time stands still, and there’s only us. We’re lost in the intensity of our kiss, a promise of what’s to come, a dance of passion and desire.
This alone should warn me of the fire I’m playing with, but I’m willing to burn if it means I get to feel this way.
I break away, wanting to get her back to my penthouse. “Shall we go?”
“Absolutely.” Her eyes sparkle into mine. “If I had known how good a kisser you were, I would’ve tried a lot sooner and harder than I did.”
“Timing is everything.”