Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
JAXON/JAX
Then
Leather Cuffs & Soft Cracks
Not being ready is the entire problem.
“Livianna, tell me what you feel.” My voice rakes low and steady, though the pulse in my throat hammers faster.
Her body quivers beneath my touch, wrists suspended and breath shaky. The blindfold keeps her from seeing the war in my jaw and the hesitation I can’t let her know I’m having.
“Vulnerable.” Her word trembles.
“Good. You’re meant to be. Anything else?”
A pause stretches, weighted with her heartbeat thudding against my chest. “Safe.”
Even though that’s the word I was looking for, the answer steals something out of me I wasn’t ready to give.
My thumb drags across the rapid beat in her neck. “Then you’re exactly where I want you.”
She swallows, shifting against the restraints, testing her own suspension. “And where’s that?”
“Right here with me buried inside you. Bound yet still trusting me when every nerve in you screams to fight.”
Her mouth parts. “It feels strange to like this as much as I do.”
“It’s not.” My lips press against her temple, words pressed into her skin like an oath. “It’s real. And you don’t need to carry it alone tonight.”
She moans as she adjusts to me. “Then give me more.”
“You’re taking all of me,” I murmur as my body holds her closer to me.
“That’s not what I mean, sir.”
“Tell me what you want and don’t be shy.”
“I’m not shy.” A smile quirks at her lips. “I want it harder.”
Her words hit me like a spark to dry tinder.
Harder.
The demand sends a rush of heat through me, a mix of desire and something deeper, something I’m not ready to name. A wildfire ignites within me. She’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of.
That thought trips me up. I tighten my fingers on her neck, not enough to hurt but enough to remind her who’s in control.
But even as I hold her, cuffed and open for me, the cracks in my own armor start to take shape. I’m not ready for the emotion that’s creeping in.
“Harder.” My voice low, almost a growl. “You’re sure?”
“Yes, sir.”
The title, the way she says it like she’s giving me a gift, makes my chest tighten. I’ve always been in power, always the one to set the rules and enforce them.
But with her, it’s different. With her, it’s not just about submission. It’s about trust. It’s about the way she lets me see her, all of her, even the parts she’s afraid of, like those terrible scars on her wrists.
I lean in, my lips brushing her ear. “Then you’ll get it.”
My movements are calculated, but inside, I’m anything but grounded. Every thrust, every sound she makes—it’s undoing me.
I’ve always been good at compartmentalizing, at keeping my emotions locked away. But with Livianna, she’s breaking through every barrier I’ve built.
I pull back slightly, my eyes tracing the curve of her body, the way her skin flushes under my gaze even though she’s blindfolded. She’s beautiful like this, raw and unfiltered, and it’s all I can do to keep my heart intact.
“Tell me again, Livianna. Tell me what you want.”
For a moment, she hesitates. Then she whispers, “You, sir. Harder.”
It’s not just the words. It’s the way she says them, like she’s giving me permission to take what I need, even as I’m giving her what she wants.
It’s the way she trusts me, even when I’m not sure I trust my growing attachment to her. I focus on the scene and I oblige, my movements sharper now, more intense.
Her breath catches, and she arches against me. Her body responds in ways that make my head spin. But even as I push her, as I give her what she’s asked for, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m the one being unraveled.
Her moans fill the room, each one a reminder of the power I hold but also of the vulnerability I feel. I’ve never been this emotionally close to anyone, never let anyone in like this. And yet, with her, it’s natural. It’s right.
“Jax,” she breathes, my name a plea as she begins to shatter.
It hits me like a punch to the gut because I love my name on her luscious lips. My hands falter for a moment, and I have to brace myself.
My thrusts come in harder now. I’ve got to keep my feelings out of this.
“I’m here, Livianna.” My voice, softer than I intend. “I’ve got you.”
Her body tenses, and she falls apart in my arms. Her cries are muffled against me.
I hold her through it with my own release following close behind. But even as the physical intensity fades, the emotional weight of it lingers.
I stay in place for a moment with my forehead pressed to hers and our breaths mingling. My heart is still racing, but it’s not just from the physical exertion. I
t’s from the realization that’s been creeping up on me, the one I’ve been trying to ignore.
I’m falling for her.
The thought is terrifying and exhilarating. I’ve spent so long building walls, keeping people at arm’s length. But with Livianna, it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced. With her, I don’t want to hide.
I pull back slightly, my hands cupping her face. “Are you okay?”
She nods as her breathing returns to normal. “Yeah. More than okay.”
I brush a strand of hair from her face. “Good.”
There’s so much I want to say, so much I’m feeling, but the words stick in my throat. Instead, I press a soft kiss to her lips, a silent promise that I’ll be here and that I’ll keep her safe.
When I finally remove the blindfold and release the cuffs, she collapses against me, weak from the scene.
I wrap my arms around her. “You’re mine, Livianna. And now you know exactly what that means.”
A few beats pass. But my touch hasn’t stopped. It’s slow and gentle, tracing her arms as if reintroducing her to her own skin.
She trembles, likely from the intensity of what we’ve just shared. And maybe, just maybe, from the way I’m staring at her. She’s even more beautiful in a satiated state.
“Let’s sit.” My voice softens to velvet, every ounce of command replaced with something calming.
I guide her to the couch, my palm a constant anchor at her back until she’s settled. She’s still shaking, her breath uneven, and a surge of protectiveness blankets me.
I disappear for only a moment, returning with some water and a small folded towel. Kneeling in front of her, I press the glass to her hands, taking her in as she drinks.
The liquid is cool and will help bring her back into the room, but my presence seems to ground her even more.
“Thank you, Jax.” She places the glass on the table near the side of the couch.
“Breathe with me.” I match her pace until her shoulders relax.
The towel is warm, and I use it to wipe the sweat from her temple, then down her throat with reverence.
“You did more than I asked tonight.” I gaze warmly into her eyes. “You gave me your trust. That’s worth more than anything else you could’ve given me.”
Her gaze, full of fear, meets mine, searching.
“You weren’t disappointed?” Her voice is small, almost fragile. “I didn’t mess it up somehow?”
“No.” I slide my palm over hers, fingers threading through until they’re locked. “There’s nothing you could do in my hands that would disappoint me, Livianna. This isn’t about control for me anymore. Not the way I thought.”
Red floods her face, and it’s not from the scene we just left. “Then what’s it about?”
“It’s about you and what you need.”
“I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”
My thumb strokes over her knuckles, a small, loving gesture. “Next time, we’ll move at your pace. We’ll build on what we started. We won’t go anywhere you’re not ready to go.”
“I loved the experience, Jax. It exceeded my expectations.
“Still, we’ll take it slow. I won’t pressure you in any way.” I’m not sure if I’m still holding her hand because she needs it or because I do.
There’s a part of me that’s still grappling with what’s happening here. I’ve always been the one in control, the one who sets the rules and enforces them. But again, with her, she takes me off guard.
She’s changing me, and I’m not sure I’m ready for it, but it’s here and not going away. And with Livianna, I want to give her that hidden side of me.
“You’re safe with me.” My heart squeezes, and heat warms my chest. “Always.”
She nods, her eyes still connected to mine. They fill with trust because she’s letting me in. It’s a gift I’m not sure I deserve, but one I’ll do everything in my power to protect.
For her, I’ll tear down the walls.
For her, I’ll risk it all.
“Jax, I’m keeping my phone turned off until I get home.” Livianna eyes me as if she’s asking me to do the same, but I can’t. My life doesn’t allow me to take breaks.
The September morning air carries that crisp bite Paris saves for early risers. She sits curled on the balcony chair beside me with a blanket over her bare legs and hair tangled from a night that refused to let either of us sleep.
I dig for the small velvet box I have hidden in the pocket of my sweatpants and take it out in silence before sliding it into her lap.
Her brow furrows. “Jax… What’s this?”
“Open it.”
She peels the lid back and gasps, her delight cutting through me sharper than I expect. The earrings catch the sunlight, dangling diamonds with a subtle shimmer engineered to look like ordinary indulgence, even though they’re anything but.
Her hand flies to her mouth. “They’re… God, Jax, they’re incredible.”
“They’re yours.” My gaze doesn’t leave her face. “Happy birthday, firecracker.”
She stiffens, eyes snapping to mine. “You… How did you know?”
“You think I wouldn’t take the time to figure that out?” A faint smile ghosts over my lips. “You didn’t tell me because you didn’t have to.”
Shock gives way to something wilder. She doesn’t thank me. She launches into my lap, straddling me before I can catch my breath. Her laughter collides with my chest, warm and alive.
“God, I love yo—” She freezes, panic flashing in her eyes. She hurries through her words. “I mean them. I love them. And I love that you’re so thoughtful. They’re beautiful.”
Her cover is clumsy, but I don’t call her out on it. Not when the words I want to give back scrape the back of my throat like broken glass. I’m not reckless enough to let them slip.
Instead, I cradle her hips, steadying her. “You deserve them.”
Her fingers trace my jaw as if she’s searching for what I won’t say. Her touch lingers, gentle but demanding. I can’t look away because I want her to know how I feel through what my eyes are trying to say.
What I don’t tell her, what I can’t tell her, is that those diamonds aren’t just meant to shine. Embedded within them is tech I trust with my life. A frequency scrambler, threaded into the setting so discreetly that no one could guess.
She’ll think they’re just jewels. But if anyone tries to photograph her with me, her image will blur. Her identity will fracture in the lens the same way mine does.
The world can stalk me all it wants, but it won’t touch her. She said the media has always hated her, and now they won’t be able to get a glimpse of her.
I wear that tech every time I step outside, every time I step into the fire of cameras and hands that don’t deserve to reach me. And now, she’ll have the same shield.
Diamonds, yes. But armor too.
Her smile softens into something that feels like worship. “I can’t believe you did this for me.”
“You’ll believe it,” I murmur, planting a kiss on her forehead. “Every time you wear them.”
The three words I’m holding back tighten in my chest until they’re like chains wrapping around my heart.
I let the unsaid words stay there because giving her the gift is dangerous enough. And because once I speak those words, there’s no taking them back.
She presses her lips to mine, then she pulls away. “I’m going to wear them every day I’m with you.”
Perfect.
“In that case, let me take you out tonight. Dinner, then dancing. You pick the venues, and I’ll take care of the rest.”
She glances away and bites down on her lip. I know that hesitation. I reach for her chin, but she angles it away.
“What’s going on, Livianna?”
“Nothing.” A beat passes, then she gives me a worried grin. “I just forgot to tell you my parents are in Paris. I need to leave to meet them at their hotel at one o’clock.”
Her admission hits colder than it should. “You just forgot?”
“I wasn’t hiding it, Jax. I just…didn’t want to spoil our time together.”
My stomach hardens. Not only am I disappointed I can’t spend the day with her, but there’s a reason she didn’t mention this to me until now.
I guess she needs my confrontation. “I hope that means you’re ready to talk to them about Lehlani Rose.”
She shakes her head. “Please don’t do this, Jax. They’re only here for a few days. I don’t want to…”
“It’s your birthday. Do what you want.” I gently slide her off my lap, and my walls go up in her place.
Even as I say it, I know the wrongness of my tone. It tastes like distance, not care given to someone on their birthday.
She moves over to her chair with her present cupped in her palm. “Jax… Please don’t be like this.”
“Like what?”
“You’re shutting down on me. Please don’t.”
“Then next time, consider giving me more than scraps of your honesty.”
Her shoulders tense. “That’s not fair.”
I push out a short laugh. “One thing I’ve learned in life is that it’s anything but fair.”
The silence cuts between us, heavy and criminal. She blinks down at the earrings as though they’ll explain away the tension.
She whispers, “I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine, Livianna. We can talk about Lehlani Rose another time. But you know it has to happen soon, otherwise—”
“Why do you always do this?”
“What?”
“You switch to business as soon as things start to feel too intimate.”
She has a point, but…
“Livianna, you need to speak to your parents if you want your business to succeed.”
Her face reddens. “I’m not talking about Lehlani Rose and what I need to do around that topic. I’m trying to say I’m sorry for hurting you.”
“There’s nothing to apologize for.” I stand and retreat inside my penthouse, leaving her on the balcony with diamonds in her hands and stillness between us.
But the truth follows me in, harsh and unrelenting. I let my own pain bleed into her birthday. A day that should’ve been only light and only hers.
Instead, I make her carry the weight of my guards. And the worst part is knowing I don’t know how to fix it.