Chapter 28 #2
He sits beside me and pulls a silver case out of the back pocket of his jeans. He presses a button and it flips open.
“In that case, let’s share this.” He pulls out a joint and lights it up.
“Shit, I haven’t smoked in a long time.”
“Not thinking for a few hours can’t hurt.” He takes a hit and keeps it trapped in his lungs.
He holds it out for me. I hesitate, but fuck it. My life is insane right now and I could really use the disconnect. I take it from him and inhale deeply, holding the smoke in my lungs until it burns.
I exhale. “If I’m going to make poor decisions, at least I won’t be making them alone.”
He takes another drag, then passes it back while waves crash against the shore. The marijuana works its slow magic, numbing the ragged edges of Bren’s admission until it’s manageable.
“So what’s the real story with this man you’re seeing?” Bren leans back against the wood. “And don’t give me more bullshit.”
“He’s just a guy I get together with from time to time. You know, like the one I was seeing in Paris.”
“Another boy-toy?” His laugh is simple and relaxed. “Makes sense. You never have time for anything more than casual.”
I take another hit, letting the smoke carry me away. “I’m too busy building my brand to get serious about anyone.”
“What’s he like?”
“Mysterious. He’s older and rich enough to own houses he doesn’t live in.” I gesture toward the divine structure behind us. “There’s something about him that captivates me.”
“Sounds like trouble.”
“The best kind.”
Bren studies my face. “Damn. You’re falling for him.”
“I’m having fun with him.” I turn away to hide my eyes. “There’s a difference.”
“If you say so.” He buries the blunt into the sand. “Just...be careful, okay? You’ve got a habit of loving people who hurt you.”
The next few days pass in a haze of guilt because I broke my word to Jax about using drugs and avoidance because I’m still upset about his date with Cindy.
I stay focused on work and moving into Jax’s mansion on the beach. I don’t have much, so it only takes two days to get everything I want over to the Malibu place.
He tries to make up for the wedding disaster by sending flowers to welcome me to my new chapter.
Along with those, he sends texts filled with apologies I don’t respond to and calls I don’t answer. Every gesture of care feels like salt in a wound.
I stare at his latest message.
My King: I understand you’re angry with me, but I promise I didn’t want to be with Cindy. Please talk to me about this so we can work it out.
“Maybe another time, Jax. I’m too stuck in my head to make this situation better.” I continue unpacking boxes.
Working things out with Jax will have to wait. I try not to think about what Bren told me about Callum, or how getting high made everything both better and worse.
The guilt sits in my stomach like spoiled food, a constant reminder that I’m sliding backward into habits I swore I’d left behind. Maybe I can’t handle the pressure.
It’s Thursday afternoon and I’m resting on the back deck when I notice Jax strolling up from the private beach. His dark hair catches the sunlight with hues of gold and chocolate.
God, this man takes my breath away.
He moves with a confident grace that suggests he owns whatever space he occupies. And right now, that includes the stretch of sand I’ve been claiming as mine.
He opens the security gate and marches up a stone path that leads to the patio exactly where I’m sitting.
“Tell me what’s wrong with you, Livianna. It’s been days since you’ve had any contact with me.” He doesn’t bother with pleasantries.
“Nothing.” I straighten my shoulders, trying to project composure. “I’ve been swamped with life.”
“It’s not that, and you know it.” He climbs the wooden steps, his eyes cataloging every detail of my appearance. “You look like you haven’t slept in days.”
“Thanks for the compliment.”
“Livianna…” The gentle authority in his tone stops me cold. “Talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to say.”
He settles beside me on a lounge chair, close enough that I can smell his cologne mixed with salt air. “You were with Brendan again, weren’t you?”
Dammit! How does he know?
“Why would you think that?”
“Because you said you were meeting an old friend, and your mother thought it was strange you referred to him as that. Every time you speak to him or see him, you have a negative reaction that falls back on me.” Jax’s fingers find mine and he intertwines them. “What happened this time?”
I want to lie, deflect, and build walls high enough that he can’t see how thoroughly his question has wrecked me. Instead, I find myself telling him the truth.
“It’s not about him.” My words come out small. “It’s what I did.”
“And what would that be?”
I bite my lip and gaze at my lap. “I smoked with him.”
“You got high?”
“Just that day. Just to stop hurting for a few hours.” Tears spill over, hot against my cheeks. “I’m so fucking tired of pain, Jax. I’m tired of carrying all this weight and pretending it doesn’t matter. I should be able to deal with life like you do, but I’m not nearly as strong as you.”
He pulls me against his chest, his arms wrapping around me like armor against the world. “What did Brendan and you talk about?”
“Something that changes everything and nothing at the same time.” I press my face into Jax’s shirt, breathing in the calming scent of him. “Something I can’t undo, fix, or make right.”
There’s a moment where he seems to take it in. He gives me a squeeze and pulls away.
“I’m sorry, Jax. I just needed some time to get my head on straight.”
“There’s nothing to apologize for. We all slide backward sometimes, especially when we’re overwhelmed. The important thing is that you recognize it and don’t let it become a pattern.”
“So you’re not angry with me?”
“No. You told me the truth, didn’t lie, and didn’t try to manipulate me. And I’m sure seeing me with Cindy didn’t help much. In some ways, I’m responsible for this situation just as much as you are.”
“How are you so understanding about everything?”
“Because I care for you. And that means I accept all the pieces, even the broken ones.” He tilts my chin up, forcing me to meet his eyes. “Come inside with me.”
“Jax—”
“Shh. Just follow my directive, Livianna. There are other ways I can soothe you.”
Oh. This isn’t how I expected him to react to my admission.
He takes my hand and leads me inside. With him here, it seems more intimate. More like home.
“You’re beautiful when you’re vulnerable,” he murmurs against my neck, his hands finding the hem of my sundress. “Beautiful, terrifying, and mine.”
“Am I still…?” The question comes out in a breathless rush as his fingers trace patterns on my skin. “Yours?”
“You’ve been mine since Paris.” His mouth finds the sensitive spot behind my ear.
I sink into his touch and sigh as the weight of the world fades away. Clothes disappear with practiced efficiency until we’re both naked.
Our hands explore each other’s bodies with pent-up desire. He lifts me onto the kitchen counter, and I wrap my legs around his waist. I lose myself in being wanted by the man who always knows how to steady me.
“I need you,” I whisper against his lips. “I need to know I’m not failing.”
“You’re not, mon trésor.” He pulls me to the edge of the counter and finds my swollen bud. “You’re healing.”
He enters me slowly and carefully, like I’m made of something precious.
“Jax… God, I needed this.”
“We both do.”
We move together in a synchronicity born of understanding each other’s needs without words. Every touch, kiss, and whispered endearment is like a promise being written on my skin.
We stare into each other’s eyes as we have sex on the quartz surface. The compassion he radiates my way has me falling for him even more than I already have.
He helps me erase the last few days with his presence. He’s good to me and everything I want in a man.
He thrusts into me and groans. “I love being with you like this.”
“Me too.” Pressure builds in my core.
His cock slides in and out of me. With every move he makes, my walls tighten around him. The friction is perfect.
I’m wet and near my climax. He must sense it because he stills for a moment.
“Livianna, I want to come deep inside you. Are we safe, or should I pull out?”
I want to say safe, but I’m close to ovulating. “Come on my chest.”
He nods and helps me to my knees. “Play with yourself until you come. When you’re ready, I’ll shoot my cum all over you.”
I do as instructed. The sight of him stroking his length and girth is sexy as every sin I want to make.
My legs shake and my stomach tightens. My climax coils low and unleashes inside me.
“Fuck, Jax. I’m coming,” I grunt out.
“That’s my good girl.” He cums all over my chest. Ropes of thick, white pleasure slide over my heated skin, proof of what I did to him.
Afterward, we lie tangled together on the living room sofa with me wrapped in his arms in a tight embrace. His fingers trace lazy patterns on my bare shoulder.
“I have something to tell you.” He breaks the comfortable silence.
“What?”
“I’m moving in here with you.”
I lift my head, studying his face for signs that he’s joking. “What do you mean, moving in?”
“I’m going to live here until your new house is ready.” His expression is serious, determined. “We’re going to do this right.”
“And just how do you expect that to work?”