Chapter Seven #2
The box was basically what it sounded like, a small stone room that was perfectly square, only two by two, barely big enough for him to stretch out.
The ceiling was low too. He could barely manage to do press-ups, though if they caught him they’d add time.
He was supposed to reflect on what he’d done wrong, not exercise.
During his stint in solitary, they only gave enough water to keep him alive, no food.
And the last time he was here, he started hallucinating toward the end.
He’d rather have Pru yell at him than see his dead mother because Ma always came looking as she had at the moment of her death, so torn up from the bombs that the mortician had to piece her back together.
Fuck. Stop thinking about it.
But it was impossible to stem the tide of bitterness.
After the bombs went off and his mom died, Pru and Dom didn’t check in with him.
Not even once. Mags did, but she was busy.
Hell, everyone was, but people who cared made time, right?
Slay didn’t even know if Dom and Pru could still be considered his friends, all things considered.
It seemed like seeing him made them feel guilty, and fuck, they should .
Nothing about it had been right from his point of view, but he could also see why Pru thought the way she did.
To be fair, he had rejected her. They hadn’t been together in the same way since that day.
He just hadn’t realized their relationship was broken past the point of fixing until she came back smelling like his best friend.
It would make Slay feel better if Dom and Pru didn’t fit so fucking well together, like Slay had been the obstacle who didn’t realize he should step aside years ago.
Grim thoughts took him, pulled him under. He lost all sense of time for a while because it was dark and maybe he slept. When he opened his eyes, it was completely disorienting since the box looked the same as the back of his eyelids.
Am I asleep? Awake? Who fucking knows?
Slay could hear dripping water and the sound of his own heartbeat in his ears.
And then Pru spoke right beside him. He could even smell her soft, familiar scent. “When will you let me go?”
“I did a long time ago,” he lied.
“That’s not true or I wouldn’t be here now. You know that I’m right.”
He scowled. Even in a hallucination, he couldn’t win an argument with this woman. “What am I supposed to do? I loved you my whole life. How can I just…stop?”
“Did you, though? Or did we become a habit that was hard to break? It can be tough knowing when to give up, but there’s no shame in realizing that something can’t work no matter how much you want it to.
You and me, we didn’t fit. I wanted it. You wanted it.
But we had an expiration date. Please stop blaming yourself.
I wasn’t brave enough when I needed to be.
Neither were you. And we both made choices that led us here. ”
“I miss you,” he whispered. “And I miss Dom. That’s what sucks most of all. I don’t even know if you care anymore.”
“We do,” she assured him. “And we want you to come home. You’re part of our family. Dom feels sick about what we did to you, and it won’t get better until you tell him personally that we can get past this.”
This was the realest talk he’d ever had with Pru. Maybe, just maybe, he was ready to believe her. That relationship failed and it wasn’t entirely his fault, not all hers either. Together, we fucked it up. And now it’s done.
A sliver dislodged from his heart in that moment, and as if it meant something, the door swung wide, letting in a crack of light. “Crawl out, no sudden moves.”
“Has it been two days already? I was just getting cozy,” he joked.
The guard slammed his weapon against the floor. “Trying to be funny, asshole?”
“Sorry, I won’t do it again.” This time. He complied with all instructions, shaky as fuck from the long stretch without food.
Slay had to keep a lid on his temper and his mouth, as he skirted perilously close to the point where he wouldn’t be able to shift.
The idea of being forcibly separated from his jaguar aspect filled him with anguish.
In this head, the big cat paced, already beyond distress at the current situation.
But they’d already tried biting and clawing their way out.
This time he didn’t say a word as the guards marched him through the undercity. And when they shoved him into the shared dorm, Rowena caught him, bracing him when he had trouble staying on his feet.
Just like I did for her on the day we met.
She didn’t ask if he was okay. Still steadying him, she drew him out to the private niche where they’d talked before.
Silently, she handed him food she’d somehow stockpiled in his absence, heels of bread, dry fish, and hard cheese.
These rations weren’t normally provided to the prisoners, and if he hadn’t been starving he would’ve asked what she had to do to get them. But that seemed ungrateful.
So he ate and kept his curiosity and concern to himself, focusing on the fact that she cared enough to look after him. In a place like this, kindness didn’t come lightly.
As he ate, his energy levels stabilized and Slay let out a soft sigh. “Thanks. And sorry. Next time I’ll do what I’m told.”
“It’s harder for you,” she said softly. “I understand that.”
“Huh?”
“Because you were born believing that you matter, that you’re as good as anyone else. Here it’s the opposite. We’re conditioned to think that we’re trash, worthless and disposable.”
His heart ached until he couldn’t breathe. “You know that’s not true, right?”
“I’m trying to internalize it. Some days I do better than others.”
Fuck, I want to hold her.
But Rowena might not find it comforting.
Maybe his touch would even catapult her into some horrific memory—because he’d snuggled her once, it didn’t mean he could always do that—so he didn’t reach out but he did luxuriate in the way she’d helped him outside when he was shaky.
Casual contact seemed to be getting easier for her, at least with him.
“I’ll keep saying it until you hear my voice in your head, not anybody else’s.”
To his astonishment, she raised her gaze to meet his and whispered, “I already do. I missed you.”
Shit, why can’t I hug her? For once his brain came up with a solution before his mouth caused problems. Silently he opened his arms. “I’m hugging you so hard right now.”
Rowena opened hers too. She didn’t step close but her eyes gleamed so bright in the gloom that she must be fighting tears. “I’m hugging you back.”
“I’ll wait until you can do it for real,” Slay said.
“What if I never can? What if our first night together was a fluke? Lucan said the same thing in the beginning—he said he just wanted to love me and he didn’t care if I ever loved him back. And look where we are now.”
“Lucan is an asshole. You never made any promises. I’m not asking for any either, but I believe one day you’ll be able to hug me.”
Rowena smiled. “Really? That’s your ambition? Because my goal is to have you properly, not just cuddle you.”
Slay’s whole body went white hot.