Chapter 10
THEN
Mid July
‘I’ve missed you.’
I shook my head. ‘You don’t get to say that any more.’
I should have stood up. Walked away. Left him sitting there on the sand alone. Left everything in the past where it belonged.
But I didn’t move.
The truth was, the past never really had been left behind. Not for me. And now it seemed not for him either.
I wasn’t sure what that meant for either of us, though.
‘Maybe not,’ Ryan acknowledged. ‘But it doesn’t mean it’s not the truth.’
I turned and studied Ryan’s profile in the softening light.
Truth.
The word gnawed at me.
How much of our relationship had ever really been based on the truth?
Even just being in Malta had been a carefully constructed plan that I manoeuvred him into.
‘I lied.’ My admission surprised me almost as much as it did Ryan.
His head jolted towards me and he stared at me, stunned. ‘About what?’
‘I’d applied for the job here long before I ever mentioned it to you. I only told you once I’d already got it.’
‘Okay…’ Ryan said slowly. ‘That makes sense. You didn’t want to get our hopes up if nothing came of it.’
My gaze dropped to the sand. He was being too kind. Letting me off too easily.
I let out a deep sigh. ‘But, even then, I only told you part of it.’
He arched an eyebrow but said nothing, just waited for me to continue.
‘My contract was for a year,’ I said quietly. ‘Not a month. Not a break between exams and graduation. A plan. My plan.’
I turned away and stared at the sea, unable to bear to see his expression. Was he hurt? Angry? Both?
‘I knew you wouldn’t come if I told you the truth.
’ He had too much waiting for him back home.
Too many people who mattered. ‘So, I’d dressed it up as an adventure.
A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. It wasn’t as though we’d get the chance to just drop everything and run off to another country for weeks on end once we had jobs and responsibilities. ’
‘I remember you saying all that. It surprised me hearing it coming from you. You’d always been so practical. So careful. Hearing you talking about once-in-a-lifetime opportunities, taking risks and seizing the moment, felt different.’ A small smile tugged at his lips. ‘I liked it.’
‘You did?’
‘Yeah.’ His gaze held mine. ‘You were so passionate about the idea.’
My chest tightened. ‘But if I’d told you the truth, if you’d known I wanted to come for a year—’
Ryan chuckled. ‘I’d have probably booked the ticket even faster.’
Two Years Ago – Early June
‘Did you find a flight?’ I couldn’t bear it any longer. I had to know.
The water lapped gently around our ankles as we walked hand in hand along the shore. How many more sunset walks like this did we have left? The two of us; together.
‘I haven’t got round to it yet.’
Haven’t got round to it.
The words repeated. He said it like it didn’t matter. Like it wasn’t everything.
I tried not to sigh. It was typical Ryan. He put everything off for as long as possible: coursework, revision, grocery shopping, cleaning the apartment. It didn’t matter what it was, he always tried to avoid it.
We were opposites in that regard. I couldn’t leave anything unfinished. I had to deal with it straight away. Otherwise, it tormented me. Circling in my head, preventing me from thinking of anything else.
Like this was.
I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to tell him I wasn’t going back.
But the words still wouldn’t come. The truth was, I wasn’t sure I could stay here.
Not without him.
Silence stretched between us, filled only by the soft breaking of the waves.
‘What if we didn’t go?’ Ryan said suddenly.
I froze. My feet sinking slightly into the damp sand. I couldn’t have heard him right. I must have imagined it. Projected my own desire. My hope…
‘What if we just… stayed?’ Ryan’s words were hesitant and uncertain. ‘What if we stayed in Malta?’ he added, his voice gaining strength as though the idea was solidifying in his mind.
Confusion scattered my thoughts. ‘But graduation? Your parents?’
‘They’ll be angry, I know.’ He dragged a hand through his hair. ‘But it’s just one day, right? They’ll get over it.’
‘Really?’ Hope fluttered in my chest, but I fought to contain it. I couldn’t allow myself to get my hopes up. Just because he was considering skipping graduation, it didn’t mean he actually would. Not once he’d really thought it through. Not once he’d spoken to his parents.
‘Besides—’ Ryan hesitated ‘—it’s not like you really want to go anyway, do you?’
I blinked. ‘How did you know?’
A slow smile tugged at his lips. ‘I’m your boyfriend. It’s my job to know.’
My jaw dropped. ‘But I never said—’
‘You didn’t have to. I can hear it in the things you don’t say. The way you never call home. The way you never talk about them. The way you looked at me when I asked what your dad had said about graduation.’ He shook his head slightly. ‘Would he or your stepmum even be there if we go back?’
I nibbled my lower lip. ‘I doubt it.’
‘Then it’s settled.’
‘But your parents would be there. You said your mum was really excited. She wants photos—’
‘It’s not as though she hasn’t got enough photos already,’ Ryan cut in sharply. ‘She’ll get over her disappointment,’ he added more softly.
He made it sound so simple. But it was bigger than graduation. Bigger than just one day.
‘Weren’t you planning on going back home with them afterwards, though?
To work in the business? To…’ My words trailed away.
We’d talked about Blackwater Stables before, of course.
About the horses, the land and the generations of Blackwaters who’d run the stables before his parents.
But, whenever I mentioned his future there, he’d always gone quiet and withdrawn.
I’d been too afraid to ask what that meant. Did he not see me as part of it?
‘Yeah, I guess everyone just sort of assumed I would,’ he said slowly. ‘Me included.’ He turned and stared out at the water but his gaze seemed to drift to somewhere beyond the sunset. ‘I don’t think I really chose it, though.’
His words felt heavy and pained. I’d always been so jealous of him. Having a family who missed him. Who wanted him to return. To be part of the business. Part of their lives.
It never occurred to me to ask if he wanted that.
‘So, you could stay in Malta a bit longer?’
Ryan smiled. ‘We could stay.’
My heart soared.
‘How long for?’ I edged forwards, reaching for his hand. ‘The whole summer? Maybe even a little longer…?’
Ryan’s smile grew. ‘How about, as long as we want?’
My eyes widened. ‘Seriously? How could we even do that, though? Your family will expect you back at some point. Real life will always intervene eventually.’
‘What if we make this our real life?’
I shook my head. ‘What do you mean?’ Malta was an escape. Blissful. Wonderful. But temporary.
He stepped closer to me. ‘What if we make our own plans?’ he said. ‘For us. Not for our parents. Not for anyone else’s expectations. Just you and me.’
My heart pounded so loudly I could barely even hear the waves lapping at my feet.
‘What if we get married?’
My mouth opened and closed but no sound came out. He couldn’t really mean that.
Could he?
‘No one could separate us then. No one could expect us to just slot back into our old lives as though nothing’s changed. We could stay here. Together. You and me.’
He was choosing us.
Choosing me.
‘Really?’ I whispered breathlessly. ‘You really mean that?’ My voice faltered. It was everything I’d ever wanted. Someone who believed in me. Loved me. Wanted me.
But that wasn’t possible. Was it?
‘The idea of going back…’ His voice cracked. ‘To that life. Everything that’s waiting for me there.’ He grabbed my hands and pulled them close to his chest. ‘Giving this up. This place. You.’ He shook his head. ‘It’s terrifying.’
I clung to him, trying to stop my hands from shaking.
‘When I’m with you, it feels like I can finally be myself,’ Ryan said quietly.
I closed my eyes, letting his words sink in.
I felt that way too, with him.
He shifted and I opened my eyes, meeting his gaze. ‘Are you sure?’ I asked, my voice barely audible.
Ryan dropped to one knee. The waves splashed up against his shorts, but he didn’t even seem to notice.
‘Will you marry me, Kirsty?’
Tears welled in my eyes and I blinked them away.
The idea of it was crazy. Completely crazy.
We were too young. We’d only just finished university. We hadn’t talked about the future beyond graduation. It didn’t make sense to suddenly make a choice that would determine the rest of our lives.
And yet, somehow it made perfect sense.
Everything I’d ever wanted was right there in front of me.
‘Yes,’ I whispered.