Chapter 22
THEN
Late July
Ryan’s jaw was set; his gaze fixed straight ahead as the road twisted.
I wrung my hands together in my lap.
‘You didn’t need to come,’ Ryan said, his tone stiff.
I turned to him. ‘I wasn’t going to leave you to come here alone.’
‘It’s fine, Kirsty. I’m just going to see my parents.’
I swallowed. It wasn’t just his parents though; that was the problem. It was them, and her.
‘Will Charlotte be there?’
Ryan glanced at me, something unreadable flickering in his expression before his focus snapped back to the road. ‘Probably.’
The word settled heavily between us.
I exhaled slowly, forcing my shoulders to relax.
‘Don’t forget what Mum said,’ Ryan reminded me. ‘About not saying anything to Dad,’ he added, as though I needed further clarification.
I didn’t.
Don’t tell your dad. You’ll kill him.
Denise’s words were impossible to forget. No matter how much I wanted to.
‘I know,’ I replied, sharper than I intended.
‘Kirsty…’ Ryan glanced at me again, studying me with uncertainty as though he didn’t fully trust me.
‘I won’t say anything,’ I assured him. ‘For you,’ I added softly.
He nodded at that. Seemingly satisfied.
‘Don’t forget to take your ring off,’ he said, glancing at my left hand.
I hesitated. ‘It doesn’t look like a wedding ring, or even an engagement ring really.’
‘Best not to draw attention, though. It could still raise questions,’ Ryan said gently.
Reluctantly, I tugged the ring off and slipped it into my handbag.
‘Maybe it’s better to leave it off for now,’ Ryan said. ‘Just until things settle.’
I swallowed. We’d had the commitment ceremony in Malta because we hadn’t wanted it to feel the same as it had last time. Leaving without anything to hold on to.
This time I had a ring.
I zipped the bag closed. Not that it felt like it now.
The tyres crunched as we turned onto the gravel driveway.
My gaze drifted to the farmhouse. It looked the same as I remembered. Old. Rustic. Full of warmth and charm. At least from the outside.
My thoughts drifted back to the first time I came here…
Two Years Ago – Mid July
‘The hospital visiting hours aren’t until 2 p.m.,’ Denise said as she cleared the breakfast table. ‘Maybe you could check on things at the stables before then?’
Ryan nodded. ‘Yeah, of course. What needs handling first?’
‘The vet’s due to come and check on the pregnant mare, there’s a few repairs that need attention and the invoices are piling up too.’
‘That’s not like Dad,’ Ryan said, a deep frown creasing his brow. ‘He’s only been in hospital a couple of days, how are things so behind?’
Denise didn’t respond.
‘Mum?’ Ryan pushed back his chair and stood, his gaze fixed on his mother.
‘Your dad hasn’t been himself for a while,’ she said, shaking her head wearily. ‘He’d been feeling more and more exhausted and nauseous. And then he started forgetting things.’ She shrugged helplessly.
The colour drained from Ryan’s face. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘We thought it was just a bug at first, we didn’t want to worry you with that. But it persisted…’
‘You should have told me then.’
‘You were busy,’ Denise said bluntly. ‘You made it clear you had other priorities than here. Than us.’
Ryan’s face contorted, sadness and pain reflecting the grief and guilt that had descended on him in an instant. ‘If I’d known…’
‘At least you’re here now,’ Denise said, her tone brittle.
‘I’ll take care of things, don’t worry,’ Ryan said resolutely.
‘I can help too,’ I offered, standing to join them.
Denise’s gaze shifted to me, her expression dubious as she assessed me. ‘You’ve worked with horses before?’
I shook my head. ‘No, but I can help with the admin. I’ve lots of experience.’
‘In a hotel. In another country,’ Denise said dismissively.
‘Not just in Malta. I worked at a hotel by the NEC in Birmingham during university too.’
‘Another hotel.’ Denise gave a thin smile. ‘It’s hardly the same. You wouldn’t understand the intricacies of an equestrian business.’
‘True. But there’s an element of hospitality to it, right? Your guests are horses instead of people,’ I joked, trying to lighten the atmosphere.
Denise’s smile fell and she grimaced as though my attempt at humour left a bad taste.
Heat crept into my cheeks. ‘I can learn,’ I added sincerely.
‘We don’t have time to train you right now,’ she replied. ‘Ryan’s got enough to deal with already without you slowing him down with endless questions.’
‘Mum, Kirsty’s really clever,’ Ryan said. ‘I’m sure she’d pick things up quickly.’
Denise looked unconvinced.
‘I came to help,’ I said, lifting my chin. Ryan believed in me. Maybe I should too. ‘Let me at least try.’
I let out a deep breath, trying to let go of the past, as Ryan pulled the handbrake on. The front door opened and his parents emerged immediately. Clearly, they’d been waiting for us.
For Ryan, I corrected myself, as their expressions clouded over when they saw me step out of the car.
My presence here was the last thing any of us wanted.
The familiar smell of manure hit me instantly, thick in the warm air. I remembered it. The way it clung to my clothes and hair no matter how many times I tried to wash it away.
I lingered beside the car, waiting for Ryan to join me, my hand instantly reaching for his. I wasn’t sure whose benefit it was for. His, or mine. I might have come here to support him. But I wasn’t looking forward to being the unwelcome outsider. Again.
Ryan dropped my hand as we reached his parents. He was grinning at them as though he was happy to be here.
‘We’re so glad you made it,’ Denise said, beaming at him, before casting a pointed glance at me, as though she’d feared I would prevent him from coming.
Martin clapped Ryan on the back. ‘How was the holiday, son? Looks like the rest did you good.’
Ryan nodded enthusiastically. ‘It was great, thanks, Dad. Just what I needed.’ He turned back to me, almost as an afterthought. ‘You remember Kirsty, don’t you?’
‘Of course,’ Martin said as he turned to me. ‘It’s good to see you again, Kirsty.’ He sounded sincere. At least one of them did.
‘You too, Mr Blackwater,’ I returned, matching his tone.
Perhaps we were all just getting better at pretending.
‘Tea?’ Denise asked, already turning back towards the house without waiting for an answer.
We followed her inside, me bringing up the rear, as usual.
The kitchen looked the same. Everything had its place here. Except me.
I lowered myself into a chair at the kitchen table, beside Ryan.
‘How are the stables?’ he asked.
‘Good,’ Martin replied. ‘But busy.’
Ryan flinched. I knew what that comment had done to him. The guilt it would have brought with it. The stables were busy and Ryan hadn’t been here to help.
Denise set cups of tea down in front of us.
‘I could do with your opinion on one of the mares,’ Martin said casually. ‘If you have time?’
‘Yeah, I’ll come now,’ Ryan said, and they both stood.
Ryan hesitated, casting an uncertain look at me, as though suddenly remembering I was here. ‘I’ll be a couple of minutes,’ he said.
I nodded, mustering a smile as though it was fine. I was fine.
I swallowed. Even if it was far from the truth. Denise barely maintained the appearance of civility when there were people around. But alone…
Two Years Ago – Mid July
‘I’ll put my boots on and get started then,’ Ryan said as he slipped out of the kitchen.
‘I’ll be right with you,’ I said, picking up my cereal bowl and carrying it to the sink.
Denise held out her hand to take it from me. ‘Ryan has a lot to deal with at the moment,’ she said her voice low. ‘Things that require his focus.’
I nodded. ‘I understand that.’
Her gaze narrowed. ‘Do you?’ She tipped her head. ‘I’m curious why you would come here now. It’s not really the appropriate time for us to be hosting guests.’
‘I came to help,’ I repeated my early assurance.
‘We don’t need any more help. We already have Charlotte.’ Denise smiled. ‘She’s like the daughter we never had.’
‘Are you ready?’ Ryan asked, poking his head round the kitchen door.
I nodded firmly. ‘Yes, definitely.’
We crossed the yard in silence, my encounter with Denise replaying in my mind.
Part of me wanted to tell Ryan. To repeat everything his mum had said.
To explain how uncomfortable I already felt here.
But I couldn’t. She hadn’t explicitly come out and said I wasn’t welcome, had she?
It had been more the way she said it than the words themselves.
How could I explain that to Ryan without sounding oversensitive? Besides, it was his mother…
‘Well, this is it,’ Ryan said as he guided me into the building. ‘The centre of everything at Blackwater Stables.’
I stepped inside slowly, my gaze sweeping over the large space.
And that smell, even stronger in here.
‘You’ll get used to it,’ Ryan said, and I realised I must have been grimacing.
I smiled, trying to pretend that it didn’t bother me. But it did. And not just the smell – the whole place.
I’d never been an animal person. They made me nervous. So unpredictable. I wiped my sweaty palms down my jeans. And horses were huge.
‘This is the tack room,’ he said, pointing to a small room off to the right. Leather bridles and polished saddles hung neatly along one wall, while sacks of feed were piled high in the corner. Everything felt organised and completely alien.
He turned back to the main aisle. ‘We’ve got room for forty-two horses,’ he continued, indicating the wooden stalls that lined either side. Each one was occupied, the horses shifting and snorting softly as we passed. ‘About fifteen are liveries. We offer DIY, part and full livery.’
I frowned. ‘DIY?’