Chapter 26
THEN
Early August
Ryan leaned over the hob, peering into the saucepan as he stirred the bolognese sauce.
‘Thanks for taking care of dinner,’ I said, lingering in the doorway. Not quite in the kitchen. Not quite out of it either. ‘That’s the downside of working in a hotel. Irregular hours. Especially in the summer.’
‘I’ve not been in long either,’ Ryan said, a hint of irritation in his voice. ‘It’s tourist season for us too. Rides on the beach and through the forest have got really popular in the last couple of years.’
‘Hey, that’s great. The social media campaign paid off, then.’ I smiled, glad to know that I’d at least made one successful contribution to the business. Even if it was a small one.
‘Word of mouth has been the key,’ Ryan said.
My shoulders dipped slightly.
‘We just had to get a few people signed up initially and then the rest just snowballed from there.’
I nodded. ‘Right. That makes sense.’
‘Once people discover how much fun it is, they can’t wait to get back on a horse.’ He glanced at me over his shoulder. ‘Well, most people.’
I stiffened at the reminder of my one and only failed attempt at riding. With Charlotte.
I pursed my lips. ‘She came to the hotel today. Charlotte,’ I added quickly, seeing Ryan’s brow crease with confusion. Horse riding might forever be linked to her in my mind, but that didn’t mean it was in his.
‘Oh,’ he said, his attention shifting back to the hob.
‘She was asking lots of questions,’ I said stiffly. ‘About why I’d stayed in Dorset. About how we reconnected…’
Ryan shrugged, his back still to me. ‘Sounds like she’s just being friendly.’
‘Charlotte? Friendly?’
That caught his attention.
He turned and stared at me. ‘Don’t start that again.’
‘Start what?’ Irritation seeped into my voice.
‘I’ve never understood this hostility you have towards her.’
‘That’s because you’ve never acknowledged the hostility she has towards me.’
He rolled his eyes and turned back to check the spaghetti.
‘I didn’t imagine it,’ I said quietly.
‘I never said you did. I just think the two of you got off on the wrong foot. Maybe this is her attempt to change that.’
Ryan reached for the pasta bowls and started spooning spaghetti from the other saucepan.
I glanced across at the loaf of fresh bread on the breadboard. I started to step towards it, my hand raised, ready to reach for the knife and slice it. But I stopped and drew back to my position in the doorway.
Ryan hated it when I crowded him. I might think of it as helping. But to him it was interfering. Getting in the way.
‘It couldn’t have been easy for you,’ he said, ‘seeing the connection she and I had. The history. The shared interest in the stables. The horses.’
‘You think I was jealous?’
‘I think you always assume the worst about her.’
His words settled heavily.
You always read too much into things.
I shook away Janice’s ever-present voice.
I knew Charlotte had it in for me. She always had.
Even if Ryan refused to see it now, just as he had then…
Two Years Ago – Mid July
‘The saddle was moving,’ I said, watching as Ryan tipped a scoop of feed into Atlas’s bucket.
He didn’t look up. ‘You were sitting on a horse, Kirsty. It’s not going to be fixed to the spot.’
‘I didn’t expect it would be, but I didn’t think it would—’
‘It was your first attempt. Of course you were nervous.’
Heat crept into my face. ‘It wasn’t just nerves.’
Ryan stepped closer, reaching past me for a container on the shelf.
‘It’ll be easier next time,’ he assured me, as he unscrewed the lid and measured the powder into a scoop before tipping it into Atlas’s feed.
‘Next time?’ My eyes widened. ‘You’re kidding, right? You don’t seriously think I’m going to get back on a horse after that, do you?’
‘There’s nothing to be afraid of. I keep telling you it’s perfectly safe.’
‘It didn’t feel safe.’
Ryan sighed, finally looking at me. ‘Charlotte’s been around horses all her life. She knows what she’s doing. And she certainly knows how to tighten a saddle.’
‘But it wasn’t tight.’
He rolled his eyes. ‘Well, obviously it can’t be too tight, you have to think about the comfort and safety of the horse too.’
‘Right,’ I muttered. ‘We wouldn’t want Spook to be uncomfortable.’
‘Spook?’ Ryan frowned.
I nodded. ‘Yes, the horse I was on.’
Ryan chuckled. ‘Charlotte wouldn’t put you on Spook. He has that name for a reason. He’s too twitchy.’
I swallowed. ‘Well, she did.’
‘He’s not a beginner horse,’ Ryan added. ‘He has his own way of doing things.’
‘I know. He was trying to untie himself.’
‘You’re still getting to know the horses,’ Ryan said, shaking his head. ‘It’s natural that you’d get their names mixed up.’
‘But I haven’t—’
‘Charlotte knows these horses,’ he cut in. ‘You don’t.’
I flinched.
‘Look,’ he said, softer now. ‘I know this isn’t easy for you. Being out here in the countryside. Around all the horses. It’s a different way of life than what you’re used to. A different world. But it will get easier. You just have to give it time. You’ll learn how things work here.’
I nodded reluctantly.
‘You’ll get used to the horses too,’ he added, pulling me into a hug. ‘I promise. It’ll all be okay.’
I didn’t respond. I didn’t share his optimism.
‘Right, I’ve got to get back to it,’ he said, stepping away. ‘Are you going to be okay?’
I nodded again, suddenly feeling small and feeble.
‘Good. I’ll see you later, then.’
I watched as he slipped out of the stable, the door swinging closed behind him.
I turned back to Atlas, watching him as he buried his nose in his feed bucket. I edged closer, peering into his bucket.
‘How come you get special treatment?’ I asked, glancing across at the other feed buckets. Ryan had filled them all but only added something extra to this one.
‘Gotta look after him.’
I jumped and swung round.
Ben stood in the doorway. ‘Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.’
I shook my head. ‘That’s okay, I was just—’
‘Making a friend?’ Ben asked, jerking his head towards Atlas.
I smiled. ‘Not sure me and horses are ever destined to be friends.’
Ben studied me for a moment. ‘You look like you’ve had a rough day.’
I let out a rueful laugh. ‘Is it that obvious?’
‘A bit.’ Ben tipped his head to the left. ‘Want to talk about it?’
I hesitated. ‘Charlotte tried to give me a riding lesson this morning.’
His expression shifted into something unreadable. ‘Charlotte?’
‘Yep.’
Ben winced. ‘Let me guess, it didn’t go well?’
I puffed out my cheeks and exhaled slowly. ‘It was a disaster. I completely freaked out. The saddle was moving. Spook was trying to untie himself. The gate was open, and I just had visions of him riding me off goodness knows where—’
‘Wait.’ Ben waved his hands, breaking my rant. ‘The saddle moved?’
I nodded. ‘Side to side.’
‘How much?’
‘A lot.’ I scrunched my nose. ‘At least it felt like a lot to me, but…’ I shrugged. ‘I’ll admit, I might not be the best judge.’
Ben looked lost deep in thought. ‘A saddle shouldn’t slip like that. Not if it’s fitted properly.’
‘Ryan said saddles move.’
‘They do – a bit.’
I frowned. ‘Maybe I exaggerated it. I was nervous.’
His gaze narrowed as he studied me. ‘Maybe.’ But he didn’t sound convinced. ‘And Spook?’
‘Yeah, I know, I’ve probably got his name mixed up.’
‘What did he look like?’
‘Grey.’ I shrugged. ‘Big. Spooky.’
Ben chuckled before jerking his head to a stall further down. ‘Like him?’
I took a few steps forward and peered at the horse nuzzling his food bucket. ‘Yeah, that looks like him.’
‘Thought so,’ Ben said, joining me. ‘He’s the only grey horse we have here at the moment.’
I turned my head. ‘Let me guess, Spook?’
Ben nodded. ‘Yep.’
‘But Ryan said he’s not a beginner horse.’
‘He’s not.’
‘And Charlotte would know that.’
He nodded.
‘And she knows how to saddle a horse properly.’
Ben nodded again. ‘Yeah, she does.’
Silence stretched between us.
I hadn’t imagined it.
‘Kirsty?’ Ryan’s voice pulled me back. ‘How many slices do you want?’ he asked, tapping the loaf with the tip of the knife in his hand.
‘Oh, just one, thanks.’
He started to turn back to cut the bread but paused. ‘Are you okay?’
I hesitated.
Ben had believed me about Charlotte without question.
Ryan hadn’t. Ever.
‘I’m fine,’ I said finally, trying to sound convincing.
Ryan nodded, his attention already back on the task at hand.
I watched him move about my kitchen preparing our meal. Maybe it didn’t matter. I’d never fitted into his world at Blackwater. But this wasn’t his world, it was mine. And he seemed to fit perfectly here, with me.
The stables. Charlotte. It was all temporary. Ryan had decided to step back from it all. He’d moved out of the farmhouse and moved in here. A few weeks and the summer tourists would leave, things at the stables would be calmer, he’d find someone to take over from him.
And he’d be free.
We’d be free.
Ryan handed me a bowl of spaghetti bolognese, but his hand lingered for a moment before letting go. ‘You’re a bit quiet tonight.’
I smiled, warmth spreading through my body.
‘Just tired, I guess,’ I said with a shrug.
He studied me for a moment longer.
‘Things are going to get easier, you know.’ He lifted his hand and brushed his thumb across my cheek. ‘Simpler.’
I nodded.
Just us again.