Chapter 9 #2
“You deserve better than what you got,” he said after a while, not looking at her. “Before all this, long ago and in recent memory. You deserved an easier life than the one you had.”
It was Aurelia’s turn to shake her head, smiling sadly. “I had a fine life.”
“I will not change your mind if that is how you want to see things. But know that you can make it whatever you want from here,” he said.
“That’s not true. There are still rules and limitations, things…” Her throat went dry, and she swallowed. “Things we can never get back.”
He leaned forward then, forearms on his knees.
She only knew because the chair creaked beneath him.
The fire between them was low enough now that the room felt smaller than it had an hour ago.
He was looking at her in the way he had in the stable yard when he had touched her wrist, like he hated her but wanted to grab her at the same time rather than push her away.
He tilted forward just slightly, just enough that she understood what was happening.
She had been here before. But never like this, never when she wanted the moment to extend so much.
And then he stopped. He had been so close she could smell the brandy on his breath and feel the warmth on it on her cheek.
He sat back and picked up his book, not looking at her for a long moment until he said, “Write to your aunt,” he said. “And Miss Penrose. You should have people around you, even here.”
She looked at him for a moment. Then she picked up her book too and rose from her chair. “Yes,” she said. “All right.” And then she excused herself from the room and retired to bed.
If she hadn’t come down the next morning to find the decanter of brandy still on the library table, she might have thought the moment had never happened at all.
She had asked to come. That was what stayed with him as they rode north toward the Leeder farm.
Not that she'd come – he'd thought that might happen out of her own boredom – but that she'd asked.
She had been in the entrance hall when the butler arrived with his morning report, standing quietly near the door.
And forty minutes later she was at his elbow at the stables saying, “I ought to understand the estate,” as though it were entirely obvious and he was a fool for thinking otherwise.
He'd said yes before he thought it through fully, primarily… because her company seemed like a good thing.
The track was soft from yesterday's rain. The horses picked their way carefully. He knew they were approaching the Leeder farm before he saw it. Woodsmoke, the damp of the low field. And he was thinking about his schedule for the rest of the day when Aurelia said, “We’re here now. Stop.”
She was already dismounting Pearl. He watched her hand him her reins without asking and hurry toward the two children at the cottage gate, who had been staring at them.
She crouched down to their level. He couldn't hear what she said.
The younger one, a girl of about four, took a step back. Then, after a moment, a step forward.
He squinted up and looked at the cottage roof.
The north-facing side had lost several tiles over the winter.
The repair that had been made would only hold until autumn when the rain came, which wouldn't be enough for another winter.
He made a note and looked back at Aurelia, who was now sitting on the low stone wall next to the older child, listening to something with complete attention.
She looked at the house, likely wondering where the parents were.
He could smell bread in the air. The wife must have been inside.
“We’ll have to get this roof repaired. Remind me to tell Poole,” he cried to Aurelia. She waved and leaned back down to the children.
Sighing, he tied the horses and went to talk to Joseph Leeder, who'd come around from the back field to greet them. He took Evander around to discuss the north pasture fence, which they could see from a distance. It was a practical and familiar requirement. An entirely usual moment.
Except that underneath all of it was the fact that he had almost kissed Aurelia last night.
He had woken with the realization of what he had done.
He'd leaned toward her in the firelight and stopped himself only because they had an agreement and she was three weeks out of a ruined engagement.
And because he was not going to become another man in her life who made decisions for Aurelia without asking her first.
He had redirected the conversation to her aunt. He was fairly certain this had not been subtle. But another presence in the house would do them good. The more time he spent with Aurelia, the more he feared what he was becoming.
As if reading his mind, Aurelia came back to the gate with the girl on her hip, the child settled there and turned a strand of Aurelia’s hair round her finger. Eventually, Aurelia handed her back to Leeder’s wife and said something that made the woman laugh.
He looked away. He was thinking about children and the agreement, and their separate rooms, and the various things that hadn't been discussed yet and probably needed to be in time.