31. Chapter 31 #2
“You might think I’m overreacting,” he murmured, tracing a slow circle at my hip with the rough pad of his thumb, “but I can’t afford mistakes. I want to keep you safe from any motherfucker who might think to harm you just to get to me. I need you to be safe.”
I let my fingers ghost over his shoulder. “You’re making it sound like I’m some fragile antique.”
“You’re … precious,” he corrected. “And I do not gamble with precious things.”
I rolled my eyes, even though the heat in my chest betrayed me. “That’s a bit dramatic, don’t you think?”
“Not really.” Sasha leaned in, his lips tracing a line from my temple to my cheek. “You being mine puts you in a dangerous position.”
My breath hitched. There was a violent edge to his words. It was evident in his gaze and his touch, and in the way he dominated the space around us — everything felt combustible.
“I’m asking you to trust me,” he rasped, his breath ghosting over my heated skin.
I sighed. “I do trust you, but do you have any idea how frustrating it is to not know anything? Fuck, you won’t even actually let me in or tell me shit about yourself, so what the hell am I even doing here?
Being a convenient hole? A little fucktoy happily sitting on the shelf, waiting for you to come back home? ”
Sasha reared back. “What’s that supposed to mean? I’ve told you shit I haven’t ever told anyone else.”
“And yet you still haven’t told me about why you even were in prison in the first place!”
“Wait, what?!” His eyebrows shot up to his hairline and a look of disbelief spread across his face. “Hold on. Do you … you don’t … You never fucking Googled me?!”
“No, jackass! At first, I didn’t want to invade your privacy and get to know you without your crimes overshadowing things. Then I was scared to look, well, mainly because I didn’t want to know what you looked like—”
“Why?”
“I was scared I’d like what I’d find, and I definitely wasn’t ready to face being attracted to you at the time. Don’t judge me!” I glared at him.
Sasha snorted. “That worked out well for you, huh?”
“… And then you fucking kidnapped me and I was giving you time, hoping you’d want to tell me because you actually wanted to tell me.
” I crossed my arms, ignoring his mumbled Didn’t kidnap you.
“Which, clearly, you didn’t. My fucking bad for hoping the whole ‘You’re mine’ thing actually involved some sort of connection. ”
Sasha slow-blinked, then he broke out into wild laughter. He braced a hand on the ground as he almost lost his balance, and I could have sworn I saw a tear escape the corner of his eye.
What a dick.
“Thanks,” I deadpanned. “Glad my feelings are so hilarious to you.”
“Christ. Fuck, I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry!” He took a deep breath in an effort to calm himself down and shook his head slightly. “I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing at the situation.”
“Sure you are.” I scoffed. I should get up and leave, but his hand was back on my hip again, and I was still craving his touch like crazy — fucking sue me.
“You’re literally one of the nosiest people I’ve ever met. How was I supposed to know you never actually Googled me? I even dared you to in one of my letters. I had no doubt you’d Googled me and read about what I’ve done.”
Sasha’s thumb continued brushing gently over my hip and I felt a flutter in my stomach.
Not now, butterflies. Read the fucking room.
“Well, I haven’t,” I said primly. “The only thing I actually know is what they broadcasted when you escaped. They said … Well, they said you’re a murderer and the victim was some businessman—”
“My mom’s husband,” Sasha growled, his long fingers flexing on my hip.
“So … your stepfather?”
“Nah. That man wasn’t any kind of father to anyone. He was my mother’s husband, nothing more.” There was venom in his voice; I couldn’t remember his words ever being tinged with such a dark edge.
“O-kay?” I raised my brows and waited for him to elaborate.
“Are you sure you want to hear this, baby? It’s not a pretty story.”
I nodded. “I’m sure.”
I’d been dying to find out what had landed him in prison, and I wasn’t about to back down now just because the tale might be gruesome.
Sasha sighed, rose to his feet and picked my legs up in one hand.
The lounge chair creaked slightly as he straddled it and faced me, spreading my legs and arranging them over his.
My position left me on display for him, and as he raked his gaze over my scantily clad body, my bikini bottoms were growing damp.
“Stop trying to distract me,” I grumbled.
He shot me a smirk. “That’s not me trying to distract you. I was just getting comfortable. No. If I wanted to distract you, this,” he reached behind him, grasped his shirt and tugged it over his head, “is what I’d do.”
My mind came to a standstill as I took in his utter perfection. The ink covering every square inch of skin, the glint of the silver chain around his neck in the sun, and the wayward strand of hair falling into his forehead.
Fuck me. This was just unfair.
Thankfully, though, I was still wearing my sunglasses, so my ogling shouldn’t have been painfully obvious. I swallowed audibly and cleared my throat.
“Nice try.”
“Had to give it a try.” Sasha shrugged, his hands coming to rest on my thighs and kneading them softly. I bit back a moan, narrowing my eyes at him.
“You’re not going to distract me, so might as well get it over with. It can’t be that bad, right?” I laughed nervously. “I mean, I already know you’re a murderer. Is this going to make it worse?”
“Could go either way,” he replied dryly.
I couldn’t tell whether he was joking or not. Cool, cool, cool, cool.
“You want me to trust you? Stop stalling, then.”
“Alright,” he conceded, though his hands kept caressing me. Taking a deep breath, he launched into a seemingly well-rehearsed story.
He told me about how his mom always chose the wrong guys. About meeting his stepbrother, Hunter, for the first time and discovering his aversion to being touched. About how Hunter’s own mother had died in an accident in the very house they were still living in.
And finally, about the day all his suspicions were confirmed, and he faced the monster known as Steven Rhodes.
“I saw red. When I found him putting his hands on my mother, I lost it. Pounded his face with my bare hands until there was no trace of humanity left in it. It was a bloody fucking mess and I would’ve carried on if my mom hadn’t been screaming her head off.
” He didn’t have to continue. We both knew he hadn’t survived.
“He deserved it,” I hissed, surprising both of us with the venom dripping from my words.
The corner of his mouth twitched. “Damn. I had no idea you could be so vicious, Little Devil.” Sasha paused, looking off into the distance thoughtfully. “I think Mom was always scared I would turn out this way … but in the end it saved her life.”
“And condemned yours,” I added quietly.
Sasha chuckled. “Nah. I don’t see it this way. I’m not built for a normal life. As much as I hated being locked up, it opened a lot of doors for me. This isn’t just a career choice. It’s in my fucking blood.”
“What do you mean?” I furrowed my brows.
He gave me a wry grin. “I might be the boss here, but I’m not the boss.
My uncle, my father’s brother, is the pakhan.
He runs the entire Bratva, and we all answer to him.
I might just be his brother’s illegitimate son, but when I ended up in prison, he gave me a choice: Either join the Bratva ranks in there, work my way up and prove myself to him, or try to survive on my own. ”
I felt a multitude of emotions swirling inside me: pity, because no eighteen-year-old dreams of ending up in prison; anger; and also a confusing surge of pride that he had managed to assert himself and work his way up.
His fingers drew lazy patterns on my skin.
“Guess I don’t have to explain which option I went with.
And I haven’t regretted it, not even a second …
especially not since I somehow ended up right here.
I could never regret that.” He squeezed my thigh, and my core tightened. “This is what I am. Second thoughts?”
I took a minute to really think it through, to sort through my feelings. Sasha wasn’t a good man by conventional standards, but as fucked up as it was, it had never actually bothered me. I knew the truth, knew where his heart lay — in protecting those he loved.
We had some sort of crazy connection sparking even when we were just exchanging letters. Life had never felt easy or right until he came along and filled a void inside me that I hadn’t realized was there. There was no rhyme or reason to it; no logic.
Sasha might have been the bad guy, but in my story, he wasn’t the villain. He was the missing half of my soul, the order to my chaos, the calm to my storm and the anchor I never thought I’d find.
“No.” I slowly shook my head. “I’m exactly where I want to be.”
The blue of his eyes lit up, a fire burning in them, white-hot and scorching me with a single look. “Good. So, I’m gonna ask again … Do you trust me?”
“I do. I just want you to trust me, too.”
Sasha studied me like I was the more complicated conflict. “I don’t doubt your strength. But this world is different than the one you’re used to, and I know that must be hard to come to terms with, but sometimes the best thing for you to do is to not do anything.”
His quiet words softened something in me, even if they didn’t solve the issue.
“I guess you’re right,” I grumbled.
A huff of laughter sent flyaway hairs flying around my face before he pressed a kiss to my neck. “Didn’t think you’d actually admit that.”
I quirked a brow. “I can be reasonable.”
His hand slid from my waist to the small of my back, pulling me a fraction closer, his gaze steady on mine.