42. Jaxus
FORTY-TWO
JAXUS
I felt sick. The second I saw the sketch, I knew where the other half was. I had to get some space, or she would know I was hiding something.
“What aren’t you saying?” she asked, still following.
I shook my head. “I’m trying to work things out in my head, that’s all.”
I saw her face turn, her entire expression souring against me. “You’re lying.”
“I’m not lying.”
“Say it in my mind,” Kiera demanded, lifting her chin to level with me.
“What do you want me to say?”
“That you don’t know what that second object is.”
I willed myself to think of a way to say it that wouldn’t betray my home and my people, but even thinking about it twisted the cord around my throat tighter with each breath. A warning.
Ever since I’d come close to slipping before, the pressure around my neck remained. Maybe it was a promise to turn my blood into sludge in my veins. Like the blood oath knew it was only a matter of time before I fucked up, and it was ready to poison my body against me.
“I can’t,” I admitted at length.
“Where are you from?” she said out loud, finally sealing my fate.
“I can’t tell you.” I choked out.
She broke before my eyes, shattering our trust into a million pieces.
“Kiera.” I reached for her.
She pulled away. “Why does Nyx trust you?”
“Because we fought the undead together.”
“Are you one of them?” she asked, voice trembling.
“One of who?” What was I being accused of?
“Did Octavian send you?” she said into my mind. “And answer me in here so I know you’re not lying.”
“ No! Of course not. I am not a part of the—” What could I even call them? “The undead army. I didn’t know anything about them until Nyx found me.”
She searched my face. “Then what aren’t you telling me.”
“I can’t tell you that.”
She pressed her eyes closed, face screwed up in pain. “I brought you here. Into my family. Into our most secret places. I fucking trusted you with the archives, and you can’t fucking tell me this?” I opened my mouth to speak, but she held up a hand. “I let you into my body, Jaxus.”
“We are mates. I wouldn’t lie to you. I can’t lie to you.”
“That doesn’t mean you’re on the right side of any of this.”
“Kiera, you have to trust me,” I begged into her mind.
She stopped and her expression hardened. Ice ran through my veins as she tightened the bond between us, nearly cutting it off. “What have you given me to trust? You’re a stranger. I’ve gone over and over everything you’ve told me over the last few days, and the more I think about it, the more I realize I know nothing about you.”
“Firefly—” I reached for her, but she pulled away.
“Don’t touch me.”
I pressed my eyes closed, swallowing past the tightness in my throat, coming to a decision. “If I tell you, I will die,” I said through my teeth.
She drew in a sharp breath. “Say it in mind speech.” She didn’t believe a word I said, and I didn’t blame her.
“I will die if I say it.” I opened my eyes to meet hers so she could feel the weight of my words in her mind.
“Did you take a blood oath?”
I locked eyes with her, keeping my lips sealed shut. I didn’t think I could even admit to that much.
“Nyx and Zaria both know, don’t they? That’s why he trusts you for no apparent reason.”
I remained silent.
She put a hand over her mouth. “What can’t you tell me?”
This was it. What I did next would save us or shatter us.
We stood at a crossroads, and I didn’t know what the right answer was. Nyx’s fate and that of the Twelve Kingdoms could depend on how this went. It might be stupid, but I didn’t have another option.
They might never let us leave, or they may kill me for bringing in an outsider when they forbid me from telling anyone else, but what other choice did I have? I couldn’t lose Kiera. Even a life as a prisoner in the place I called home while the rest of the realm crumbled around us would be better than a life where Kiera didn’t trust me.
“I can’t tell you, but I will show you.” I offered my hand, not sure she’d take it .
She hesitantly reached out but withdrew before she placed her hand in mine. She studied me at length, seeming to come to a decision.
“I’m not leaving without saying goodbye to Gran, and we need to see if we can get the seeds from the archives.”
“They aren’t just going to give them to you. They are the only ones left in existence.” Jaxus scrubbed a hand over his face.
“Well, we have to try,” she said adamantly. “Let’s go find Gran.”
“Leaving so soon?” Gran asked when we burst into her kitchen moments later.
“How did you know?” Kiera asked, stunned.
“I know many things, child. You will too when you get to be my age.”
I shook my head. I thought maybe I would never understand some of her abilities, and I was sure she liked it that way.
“You found something?” she prompted.
Kiera looked at me, then back to Gran. “Maybe,” she hedged. “There is a second jar. We think they are intended to go together in some way.”
“And where is this other jar?”
She looked at her fingers. “I don’t know, but I think Jaxus might,” she admitted.
“I see,” Gran turned her gaze on me expectantly and my chest tightened, so I remained tight lipped.
“Nothing to say, dragon?”
“I can’t,” I managed, but it caused me pain to push the oath to that point.
“He’s going to take me somewhere I think might hold the answers, but we need the Lepid jar from the seed rooms to take with us in case we can locate the other part.”
Gran took in her words and looked me over. “You don’t ask for much, do you?”
I pressed my lips together. It was torture not to converse freely.
“Will they let us take it?” Kiera urged.
“Absolutely not. No chance in all the realms. Not without Dragon over here explaining himself fully, and they probably still won’t trust a flyer.” She gave me a look. “You know the council.”
I slammed my fist down on the table in frustration. Immediately regretting the outburst.
Kiera scowled at me disapprovingly.
“Cranky,” Gran muttered.
“I cannot explain,” I said again. It was all I could offer and even that was seriously testing my boundaries.
Gran put her spectacle up to her eye. “Indeed,” she agreed after inspecting me. “And I wouldn’t try if I were you.”
A look passed between us. It was deeper than words. I nodded in understanding, and then Gran did as well. She knew I was sworn. She could see it in my struggle and she wouldn’t press further.
“What?” Kiera asked both of us.
“I’ll just go swipe it for you.” Gran shoved to her feet, stealing our attention.
“You’re kidding?” Kiera blurted.
“Who’s going to stop an old female who’s a pillar of the community?”