14. What I Want Vs. Who I Need #3
“And let me guess, that woman isn’t me or Julissa? The women who’ve been with you for the last year and a half? Fucking and sucking on you, on each other, being there for you emotionally and mentally? That’s what you telling me?”
I hung my head because I knew there was no way to tell her this without her going left. Taking into account that she was coming from a place of hurt, I replied simply. “Yes. Not you or Julissa.”
Before I knew it, she’d brought her hand down over my face, slapping the shit out of me.
“Fuck you and that bitch!” She spat venom.
I raised up in my seat, my eyes turning to slits. “You got five seconds to get the fuck outta my shit before I do something to you, Karima,” I growled.
I didn’t get to three in my head before she scurried out. I put my car in reverse, almost running her ass over, as she ran up her driveway back into her house. My face was stinging, and I was seething. Picking up my phone, I called Ju. She answered on the first ring.
“Hey, you home?” I spoke once the call connected.
“Hey,” she replied softly. “Yeah. Just walked through the door.”
“Aight. Can I stop by for a minute?”
“Of course.”
“Cool. I’ll be there.”
“Okay.”
Halfway to Ju’s house, it started raining.
I ain’t like that shit at all. Rain always made everything feel heavier, and the conversation I was headed into already had enough weight behind it.
By the time I arrived in front of the brownstone, the rain settled into a steady drizzle.
I sat there for a minute, contemplating how I should go about the conversation.
Julissa wasn’t Karima. Beyond the relationship was a friendship that had always been at the foundation of what we were that I cherished and knowing that ending the relationship could possibly end the friendship too made me hesitant.
At the same time, I knew where Ju had come from, a place of feeling stuck, and I didn’t want her to continue to put her life on hold just because I felt like home.
I grabbed my phone from the cupholder and got out.
Unlike the conversation with Karima, I wanted to talk to Ju inside so that she was comfortable.
Getting out the car, I jogged up to her door and rang her bell.
She opened the door and leaned against it.
“Hey, you.”
“Hey.”
She didn’t wave or smile, just looked at me with her locs wrapped up on her head, a wife beater that was cut into a v in the middle, biker shorts, and her signature waist beads hanging on her waist.
“You can come inside,” she said softly.
I entered, and she closed the door behind me but didn’t move from the door. I turned to face her.
“You alright?” she asked.
“You always ask how I am first.”
“That’s because, unlike me, you’ll be honest about it without me having to pull it out of you.”
I rubbed the back of my neck before looking behind me at the living room where we’d spent plenty nights laughing, talking, and exploring each other in more ways than one.
“Honesty is what brought me here tonight.”
“So, I’ve heard,” she said, casting her eyes down to the floor.
“Karima called you?”
“Yeah.” She looked back up with a sad smile. “She didn’t have to though.”
“What you mean?”
“I know you, Khi… as a friend. You don’t just disappear for days. You don’t just disappear from me for days.”
My chest tightened. “I’m sorry, Ju.”
Silence stretched between us, and I watched her chest rise and fall as she let out a deep breath.
Clearing her throat, she spoke. “Don’t do that. Never be sorry for growing, Mehki. Not even if it means outgrowing me.”
“Ju… I…”
“Mehki, you never promised us forever. What you promised was honesty and that you’d show up and care for us mentally and financially.
Oh, and dick us down somethin’ proper.” She chuckled through tears.
“And you’ve done that. You’ve also been my closest confidant and friend.
I would be remiss to tell you not to go after something or someone who fits your life as you see it long term.
“Does it hurt? Yes. Am I surprised? No.”
I swallowed hard. “Why you say that?”
“Chemistry never hides itself. The moment I saw your chemistry with Key at that spades tournament, I knew. And while it might not be love now, it won’t be long before it is.”
“I hate that I couldn’t do this in a way where I could have avoided hurting y’all.”
She stepped forward and grabbed my hand. “It would’ve hurt me more if you stayed because you felt guilty. I don’t want pity, Mehki. We’ve always moved on honesty. It’s best to end that way too.”
I pulled her into a tight hug, rubbing her back, as she cried softly into my chest. She was the first to pull back, wiping at her eyes.
“Okay, now, you gotta go.” She laughed a little. “I gotta grieve in peace.”
“Damn, Ju,” I let out.
“No, Mehki.” She opened the door, pushing me out of it. “Ya gots ta go.”
“Take care of yourself, Julissa.”
“You too, Khi.”
She closed the door, and I stepped out onto the street. Walking to my truck, the weight didn’t feel any lighter, and I didn’t expect it to. It just felt… honest.