Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
Xeniya Morozova
Warmth surrounded me, and the scent of bergamot and green tea lingered in the air. My head rested on his chest. My eyes slipped shut.
Time became a series of flashes. A car. A staircase. A shower. A T-shirt. Blankets.
All flashes. Nothing I could hold on to.
Then a void.
I drifted between consciousness and a fitful sleep.
“Should we take her to the hospital?” someone asked.
A deeper, darker voice replied, “No.”
Then I was out again.
I woke up freezing. My body shook so violently, I felt like I was convulsing. I whimpered, and someone clutched my face.
“I am so cold, so, so cold,” I croaked, my throat thick with cotton.
I jerked violently as he pulled me closer and someone else placed another blanket over me, along with a heating pad.
“Someone get her pain meds. They should lower her temperature.” Severin cradled me, rocking me back and forth and whispering into my hair.
My body was heavy. My bones felt like they were packed with wet sand; every movement was an effort. I was drenched in sweat. The dampness made the cold so much worse.
Exhaustion dragged me under again. I woke up apologizing. “I am so sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“If you say one more word, I’m going to force those lips shut,” Severin growled into my hair. “You did absolutely nothing wrong.”
Except trusting awful frat boys.
Shame carved itself into my skin. I was so, so foolish. How could I be so stupid?
I groaned. “I said no.”
“I know you did.” He rocked me back and forth. “I know you did.”
“Don’t be mad at me.”
“There isn’t a world where I could ever be mad at you,” Severin whispered, his lips grazing my ear. “Never.”
I buried my face in his chest because he was the one place I felt safest in the world, and in this moment, I didn’t think about how he would never be mine, how he wanted to fuck every girl on this campus, or how we could never be a thing.
I let myself have this.
I stopped fighting reality—the impossible future—and I just let the most important friend in my life hold me.
He could take care of me, and it was okay for me to like it.
For just a moment.
“I am going to kill him,” he whispered, his voice coated in poison. “I am going to torture him and kill him.”
“Okay.” My voice disappeared into his white T-shirt.
“Do you want to help?” he asked.
I bit the inside of my cheek. “No, I never want to see him alive again.”
Under any other circumstance, I would have helped. But the thought of seeing Chad again made my stomach churn.
Bile rose in my throat.
No. I couldn’t do it.
I closed my eyes for a moment to rest, but that moment turned into hours, and by the time I woke up again, the sun assaulted me, pouring through the windows. All the curtains were open. I groaned and threw a pillow over my face.
Severin was no longer in bed with me.
Once the sunlight stopped trying to carve my eyes out, and I finally adjusted to the light, I took in my surroundings.
I was in Severin’s bedroom alone. The room was empty. I didn’t care. I wanted to be alone and never see anyone again.
I was so deeply embarrassed.
Quickly, I raided Severin’s closet to find pants I could make fit me—an impossible task. He was at least a foot taller than me and built out of muscle. I wasn’t short. I was above average and also very toned, but that didn’t make up for the size difference.
Once dressed, I tiptoed out of the room, down the hall, down the stairs, and through the front door without anyone seeing me. I went home, closed every blind, and crawled into bed.
And I curled into a ball and let my tears fall.
And that’s where I stayed until someone intervened.
It took seven days for Nika to force me out of bed. I barely remembered them. I didn’t know how I fed myself. I didn’t remember showering or peeing or, for that matter, shiting.
I remembered pain.
But worse, I remembered shame.
“Okay, get up,” Nika said, hitting me in the head with a pillow. “I let you sulk for a week. That’s enough. You are not going to let a horrible boy ruin you.”
“Sulk?” I sat up, angry, venom spilling from my lips. Processing my assault was not fucking sulking.
Nika bit her lip. “That was the wrong choice of words.”
“So you think I should just get over it?” I spat.
“No.” Nika shook her head. “Not at all. I am saying, get fucking even. I am saying, don’t let that ballsack of a human take away who you are.”
“It’s only been a week.” I swallowed around the lump in my throat.
Nika sat on the edge of my bed. “I don’t know the first thing about processing this, or how to feel better, or how to function. I have no idea.” She squeezed my shoulder. “But what I do know is that you need some sun, air, and a shower.”
I met Nika’s eyes. For a moment, we spoke in silence. She was one year younger than me, but we were much like twins. She didn’t know what to do, and she was deeply worried about me. “Are you saying I smell?” I joked.
She laughed. “Well… yes.”
I hit her with a pillow. But there was no lie in her statement. I reeked. So I listened to my very wise younger sister, pulled myself out of bed, and got into the shower. I let the warm water wash over my body, time slipping past like molasses.
Hot water helped. Not enough. Never enough. But it helped. I almost felt human again.
Clean felt impossible, but I chased that goal anyway.
With a loofah, I scrubbed my entire body, over and over again.
Compulsively, not stopping. I did it so long that a blossom of blood formed on my inner thigh.
I swallowed and stared at the blood dripping down my leg and mixing with the water, the deep crimson color fading the farther down my leg it got.
My eyes locked on the trail.
I couldn’t look away.
Blood had always been my favorite color. Yeah, I was probably deeply fucked up. Oh, well. I had killed many times before and had permitted Severin to kill a politician’s son. There was definitely something wrong with me.
I didn’t think I was a psychopath. I felt too much for that. But a screw was definitely loose.
After I finally finished my shower, I dressed and let my sister take me to lunch. I had no appetite, but I ate because she would not stop staring at me.
Life continued like this for another week, with Nika, my brother, or Severin escorting me to my classes. We didn’t talk about it at all… or anything, for that matter. They were following my lead, and I didn’t want to speak.
I just wanted to keep moving. Piece by piece.
I wanted to continue my life and pretend nothing had ever happened, but I knew that would never work.
Every single member of the Bratva here knew.
Guys who had watched me break bones. Guys who had watched me torture and kill. Guys who had once respected me.
They all fucking knew.
That was the worst part. I couldn’t just pretend nothing happened, because everyone looked at me with a horrible mask of sympathy etched into their expressions.
I wanted to punch it off their faces.
It was horrible enough that it happened. It was worse that everyone else knew. It made me look weak and foolish. Two deadly things in the mafia. Who would take me seriously after that?
I threw myself into physical training, beating up the Bratva guys any chance I could. They were taller and stronger, but I was faster and far more strategic. Most fights were evenly matched—except with Severin. I never beat Severin. I never even got close.
I also started a yoga class with Abigail, Nika, and Katya. Katya complained the whole time. But that was good. It made life feel normal. And normal was good. Over the course of a month, I slowly started to feel like myself again, but that’s when I got the gift…
A beautiful, sparkling red box wrapped in a large white lace bow. It was placed in the middle of my made bed when I got home from a sorority meeting. I approached it with caution.
There was no card. No note. No explanation.
My skin prickled. I knew that whatever was inside the box was dangerous.
I could feel it in my bones. When I discovered the box, Abigail, Nika, and Katya were with me.
I didn’t particularly want to open it with a non-mafia member there, so I made sure that when I opened it, the lid covered the contents.
Thank god I did.
With one finger, I slowly tipped the lid open, and my insides twisted.
A severed human head stared back at me.