Chapter 134
Poe finished summarising what he and the dragon head had discussed.
He had considered sanitising it for Esmerée’s benefit, but he thought she was entitled to hear everything.
He thought it might help her deal with the stuff she was undoubtedly going to have to deal with.
She was a tough kid, though, and he knew she’d get through it.
‘That’s that then,’ Estelle said. She looked knowingly at Poe. He was just about to give Bradshaw the nod when his phone rang. Detective Chief Inspector Gilliard.
He accepted the call. ‘Sir?’
‘Twelve bodies, all exactly where you said they’d be.’
‘I didn’t doubt it.’
‘What on earth did you do, Poe?’
‘I didn’t do anything, sir. I think the Red Chamber just tangled with the wrong people.’
Gilliard didn’t immediately respond. When he did, he said, ‘Yes, I think they did.’
He ended the call.
‘It’s really over, isn’t it?’ Esmerée said.
‘Sure is, kiddo,’ Poe said.
‘And you had to save my mom?’
‘No. But I did anyway.’
‘I guess she was just trying to survive.’
‘She was. But don’t let her off the hook. She’s an evil bastard.’
‘Oh, I still hate her, and as soon as she starts making honey again, I’m going to bad-mouth her business on Trustpilot.’
‘I have it on good authority that someone pissed in her beehives.’
‘Piss honey? It’s a start, I suppose.’ She stood. ‘Well, you guys, it’s been real, but I guess I’d better get going.’
‘Where?’ Estelle said.
‘Dunno yet. Didn’t think this was ever going to get sorted, so I haven’t given it much thought. I might just travel for a bit. See the world.’
Poe snorted. ‘Who are you, the world’s littlest hobo? You going to get a stick with a polka-dot hanky tied to the end?’
‘Screw you, Poe!’ Esmerée snapped. She was almost in tears. ‘I didn’t ask to be born.’
‘Do you know anyone who did?’
‘I’ve got to be somewhere. Can’t leech off you guys for ever. You have your own lives to lead, your own shit to deal with.’
Estelle smiled at her. ‘Why can’t you stay here, Esmerée?’ she said. ‘It’s not as if we don’t have the room.’
Esmerée snorted, even louder than Poe had. ‘What you gonna do, adopt me?’
‘We thought about it,’ Poe admitted.
‘Fuck you, I ain’t Annie, asshole.’
‘Annie Asshole? I’m sure she was in one of those porn films I watched.’
‘I ain’t anyone’s orphan.’
‘And Highwood isn’t anyone’s orphanage.’
‘I ain’t anyone,’ Esmerée said softly, sadly.
‘I wish I was. If I was someone, I’d maybe hang around.
Get a flat. Get a proper job. Maybe see you guys sometimes.
That’s why I can’t stay here. You all have these high-flying careers.
The doc’s a hot-as-fuck pathologist, Tilly’s a total brainiac who does spy shit in her spare time, and Poe’s just about the coolest dude I’ve ever met.
You’re all the coolest dudes I’ve ever met.
My friends even, if kids can ever be friends with adults.
But if I stayed, I’d get all miserable. I’d want to do what you guys do.
But I can’t because I DON’T FUCKING EXIST! ’
‘Well aren’t you just a little ray of pitch black?
’ Poe said. ‘But I appreciate you calling me an adult. I think it might be the first time it’s ever happened.
’ He stood. Walked over to the sideboard and helped himself to a digestive biscuit.
‘Oh, and just for the record, you’re now officially the biggest drama queen in the house.
Even bigger than Edgar. And he limped for a month after he stepped on a bee, and the vet said it hadn’t even stung him. ’
Estelle joined him. Bradshaw opened her laptop and waited.
‘I agree with everything you’ve just said, Esmerée,’ Estelle said. ‘You aren’t anyone. You don’t exist. Your mother didn’t register your birth.’
Esmerée’s eyes brimmed with tears. She wiped them with her sleeve, teenage style. Her head dropped. ‘Way to rub it in, Doc.’
‘But we have.’
She looked up. ‘You have what?’
‘Registered your birth.’
She shrugged. ‘Big deal. I could have found someone to do that.’
‘Can you show Esmerée what you’ve been doing, Tilly?’
‘Certainly, Estelle.’ Bradshaw patted the seat beside her. ‘Please sit here, Esmerée.’
Esmerée threw Poe and Estelle a confused look. ‘The fuck you guys been up to?’ She took the seat beside Bradshaw. Stared at the screen.
‘I … I don’t understand.’
‘We thought about adopting you, Esmerée,’ Estelle said. ‘If that was what you wanted, obviously.’
‘But?’
‘But does that seem like the half-arsed kind of thing Poe and I would do?’
‘You guys don’t do anything half-assed.’
‘But you did need a name. An identity. So Tilly has given you one.’
‘She’s registered me as a real person?’
‘You aren’t Pinocchio, mate,’ Poe said. ‘You might not officially exist, but unofficially you exist more than anyone I know.’
‘You bet your ass I exist.’
‘Tilly has registered your birth. Backdated to the best guess. You’re sixteen in December, by the way.’
‘Well, thanks, I guess. It’s a start. Something to build on.’
‘I haven’t just registered your birth, silly,’ Bradshaw said. ‘I’ve given you a complete life. You have medical records. School reports. A National Insurance number. An NHS number. You have everything you need to prove you are who you claim to be. You even have exam results.’
‘Congratulations, by the way,’ Poe said. ‘I gather you did very well in your mocks.’
Esmerée looked at him, nonplussed. ‘Huh?’
‘You excel at science, apparently.’
‘Huh?’
‘But maybe downgrade her English language results, Tilly. It appears Esmerée has forgotten how to talk.’
‘Can I see my birth certificate, please?’
Bradshaw found it on her laptop. She moved away from the screen so Esmerée could read it. Esmerée’s eyes filled with tears again. She blinked them away. Leaned in and reread the screen. ‘But this says …’
Estelle said, ‘It does.’
‘But … why?’
‘You needed a name, and we had one going spare.’
‘You don’t want to adopt me,’ she said. ‘You want me to be your daughter.’
‘We do.’
‘Even Poe? What’s he want a brat in the house for?’
‘It was Poe’s idea.’
Esmerée turned back to the birth certificate. ‘So I’m Esmerée Poe-Doyle now?’
‘No.’
‘No? What is this sick shit?’
‘You’re not Esmerée Poe-Doyle until you decide you want to be.
And if you decide you don’t want to be, then we’ll find another way to make you officially exist. But whatever you decide, you can stay here for as long as you want.
You can use our name and disappear, or you can stay here until you’re older than Uncle Bertie. It’s entirely up to you.’
‘But how would that even work? Who’s gonna believe this bullshit?’
‘Poe and I have known each other a long time, Esmerée, and I’m from the class that sent their unwed pregnant daughters abroad to have their babies. In other words, everyone will believe this.’
‘I don’t want to besmirch your good name, though. Isn’t there a family code or something?’
‘My family name could do with a bit of scandal.’
‘And I come from a long line of besmirched,’ Poe added.
Esmerée offered them a tight, thin smile. ‘How long do I get to decide? What do I have to do?’
Poe said, ‘Tilly, show Esmerée where the button is.’
‘What button?’
‘The button you press to make all this happen.’
‘There’s a button?’
‘Of course there’s a button. There’s always a button. And you’re the only one who can press it.’
‘Obviously it’s a symbolic button,’ Bradshaw said, frowning.
‘The complexities of creating an identity from scratch don’t boil down to a single keystroke.
It’s taken me days to get it all set up.
But if you press the symbolic button, Esmerée, I will make a start.
You will be Esmerée Doyle-Poe in thirty-six hours and there isn’t a person alive who will be able to prove anything different. ’
‘My mom could.’
‘No,’ Bradshaw said, ‘she couldn’t.’
‘For real?’
‘For real,’ she confirmed.
‘Before I do anything crazy like even think about this, I have one request.’
‘What is it?’ Poe said.
‘Kids work hard on their exams,’ Esmerée said. ‘I don’t feel it’s fair that Tilly gave me good grades because we’re buddies. I think I should do some remedial classes or some shit. Earn those suckers.’
‘There’s no need, Esmerée,’ Bradshaw said. ‘They’re an accurate reflection of your capabilities. I’ve been measuring your IQ since we met.’
‘You have?’
‘I have. I measure everyone’s IQ. It’s how I know they have good brain health.
I am the most intelligent person in the room.
You and Estelle are very similar, so that’s good news for you as she is very intelligent too.
So please don’t feel as though you have cheated.
If you took the exams, you would get comparable results. ’
‘What about Poe?’
‘Poe is the dumbest person in the room,’ Bradshaw said. ‘But don’t worry, he makes up for that with exceptional lateral-thinking abilities.’
‘What do you mean, “I measure everyone’s IQ”?’ Poe said.
‘It’s a very simple concept, Poe. Perhaps you’re tired.’
‘I understand the words; I don’t understand why you would do that to your friends.’
‘I do it because you’re my friends.’
‘You knew about this?’ Poe asked Estelle.
‘I figured it out,’ his wife said, grinning. ‘There are only so many ways of testing a person’s IQ without them knowing. I realised what she was up to when she kept asking me to do jigsaws with her. Puzzles are one of the most accurate ways of measuring intelligence.’
‘But she asks me to do jigsaws with her all the time.’
‘I know.’
Esmerée giggled. ‘This is gonna be sick.’
‘All that time she wasn’t interested in seeing the beauty of a John Constable; she just wanted to count my brain cells?’
‘You did very well, Poe,’ Bradshaw said, not the slightest bit embarrassed.
‘Why not just put me in a maze and have done with it?’ he said. ‘See how long it takes me to find the cheese.’
Bradshaw didn’t say anything. But this time she did look embarrassed.
Realisation dawned. ‘Hang on,’ he said. ‘We went to a maze last year. Hampton Court Maze.’
‘We did, Poe.’
‘And you left me on my own in the middle. It took me ages to find my way out. And when I did, you made a note on your phone.’ He turned to Estelle. ‘And you, my darling wife, you were laughing your bloody head off.’
‘I’m so pressing that freaking button,’ Esmerée said. ‘I ain’t missing any of this shit.’
Poe stopped scowling.
Estelle stopped laughing.
Bradshaw looked up from her laptop.
And Esmerée? Well, Esmerée pressed the freaking button.