Chapter 16
Grayson and Evie suit up to travel to Mafekadi and collect Levi, loading their holsters with enough weapons to take down Avren on their own. My gut twists in knots when I realize this will leave Bastian and me alone together in the cabin. Images from my dream rush in from my subconscious, and it’s everything I can do to keep from dropping the dish I’m scrubbing in the sink.
He’s your brother, Mari.
“We’ll be back in a couple of days. The two of you behave.” Grayson winks at me before pulling me into a hug. “Sorry we’re leaving him to babysit you, but he needs to continue your training.”
“I understand.” I really don’t. Grayson took down a werewolf, so he’s capable of training me. Why does it have to be Bastian, a person who thinks I’m about as worthless as a slithering slug?
And as quickly as I lay a dish on the counter, they leave, and we’re alone.
Bastian settles into the armchair by the fire, puts on his glasses, and picks up the book I was reading a few days ago. That he’s more than his muscles and warrior mindset draws me to him.
He’s your brother, Mari… with no blood relation.
There goes my heart, trying to justify the thoughts I should never have.
As a family, we are alike in our fierce protection of our brothers and sisters because we only have each other.
I rinse off a dish and place it on the counter to dry before wiping my hands on a towel. My heart races, threatening to break through my chest. He’s given me no sign that he wants more from me than a sibling relationship. But he must feel it.
With slow steps, so as not to disturb his reading, I round the armchair and sit on the ottoman beside his feet. He doesn’t look up, totally engrossed in his book.
It feels like hours pass before I finally work up the courage to place a gentle hand on his ankle. “Bastian?”
He looks up at me, one eyebrow raising slightly, then at my hand on his ankle. Without responding, he reaches into his pocket and removes the glowing blue anklet he hid while he was away. “I don’t want soldiers sniffing around here.” He tosses me the ring. “Put this on. You’ll go to work tonight.”
My heart plummets. I thought we’d have alone time. Time to work out the confusing feelings I have for this man. “Don’t you want company when the others are away?”
He lifts his shoulder as the corner of his lip rises into a slight smirk. “I like my alone time. And if I get lonely, I can ask Susan to spend the night.” But the glimmer in his eyes tells me something different, like he’s begging me to stand up to him—to push past the wall between us.
But I can’t.
I’m not strong enough yet. Too many years under Avren’s rules regarding relationships have left their mark on me. In my brokenness, I can’t make the first move, no matter how hard it was for me to touch his ankle without permission.
My throat is so dry, it feels as if it’s stuffed with cotton balls as I work up the courage to ask my next question. “What happened with Lyden?”
He shifts in the armchair and frowns, keeping his gaze on his book as he traces the embossed title with his finger. “I let him down.” There’s an unfamiliar crack in his voice, one I’m sure he keeps hidden from most. “I let Mav and Carl down.”
His vulnerability makes my palms sweat in my lap. There’s so much I want to say to him: You could never let them down… I’m sure you tried your best… You’re the commander. But the words stay trapped behind my lips. They’re trivial to him.
“I told the others not to follow me into their stronghold. To protect them.” Red rims his eyes as he holds back his dark hair, fingers buried in his long bangs. “In my fucking vanity, I thought I could go it alone.” His chest heaves, and I can tell he’s fighting back the tears. “It was me and Lyden alone in the cave, and I should’ve known it was a trap. The second they swarmed, he screamed out for me, but there was nothing I could do as I fought the bastards off with my sword.”
“What happened to him?” I’ve inched closer, my knees now touching the chair.
“When I finally broke free, there was nothing left.” His sobs finally come as he reaches out and pulls me into his arms.
I stiffen, unsure what to do in the embrace of a man who lives his life to confuse me. But he doesn’t let go, so I slip my arms around his back and rest my head on his chest. The heaves come at regular intervals. He needs the comfort of someone in his arms, and my infatuated heart will play that role despite the damage it might bring.
His chin rests on top of my head. Fingers trail along my back. I know he’s thinking. But I’m not sure if he’s reliving the experience or trying to determine how much he wants to divulge. From the awkward embrace, it’s obvious he doesn’t spill his heart out very often.
“What if they see me as weak?” His words hang between us, spoken so softly, I don’t know if I hear him correctly.
I lift my head to look at him. There’s an unfamiliar vulnerability in his expression. His eyes search mine, and they don’t hold the confident steel of the commander. They’re softer, seeking advice from an equal.
“No one in this entire world sees you as weak, especially me.” Heat rushes to my cheeks, so I quickly add, “You’re Commander Bastian Hale.”
With a brush of his hand, his fingers linger along my neckline as he raises the silver locket Levi gave me in his palm. “Filled it with yarrow, didn’t he?”
“Yes.” A smile crosses my lips, thinking about Levi’s return.
Bastian holds the locket between his thumb and forefinger. “Probably told you it would protect you from the fairies in Mafekadi. Lot of good that did you. From now on, I’ll be your fae repellant, and your vampire repellant, and your werewolf repellant.”
Does that mean he plans to keep me close?
“Didn’t tell you it’s one of his top ten major allergies, did he?” He rolls his head to the side, appraising me again.
“That makes sense.” I take back the locket, our fingers briefly touching. I shiver. “He’s part fae.”
His eyes widen. “How do you know that?”
“There’s a lot you get to know about someone when you’re left alone together.” Gathering a bit of courage, I touch his shirt with my fingertips. “What secrets are you holding?”
He doesn’t reward me for my bravado, instead moving me to the side so he can stand. “Better change into your work clothes. They’ll expect you before the sun sets and, like I said, I don’t want them snooping around here.”
My shoulders slump. I thought I’d broken through to him, but the grumpy side of Bastian has resurfaced. The thought of facing the guards at the cave into the city and my boorish boss again has me reeling. “Can’t we hide my anklet? If I stay here, I can repair your fighting gear.”
“They’ll find out.” He clomps to the doorway, removes his cloak, and throws it over his shoulders. “They always do.”
“Sounds like you have experience,” I grumble, disliking the idea of giving up on the fight.
“I said, get your work clothes.” He tosses a rope, an apple, and a book into a sack. Strange combination. “I don’t want to get home too late.”
We trek through the forest in silence as I chew on my inner lip and wonder what my punishment will be for missing work the past couple of days. Probably an extra hour here and there. Maybe putting me on public bathroom duty for a day or two. Bastian will make up an excuse for me.
To my surprise, he walks beside me as opposed to our usual commander-and-subservient position. In the silence, every nerve in my body picks up on the occasional brush of his sleeve against mine, noting how he quickly moves away.
A cool breeze rustles the tops of the trees. It masks the usual noises in the woods that have me on edge. Bastian’s presence also has me much more at ease in a place that haunts my nightmares. Even the glow of the luminescent forest doesn’t calm me in the same way. He can single-handedly relax and ravage me in the same breath without knowing his effect.
When we reach the top of the hill, he removes a dagger from beneath his cloak and holds it in his left hand. With his right, he takes mine, surprising me. “If the guards think we’re together, they’re more likely to leave you alone. Bunch of dirty lowlifes.”
I don’t argue. If I never have to encounter Grayson’s school friends again, I’ll die a happy woman. Besides, I enjoy having his hand in mine again. With my free hand, I lift the hood of my cloak. The less attention I draw, the better.
“Will you come to collect me?” The others are gone, so it is an obvious answer, but the silence is deafening.
“Be ready when the moon is at its highest in the sky.” The lump in his throat bobs as he stares at the line of guards at the entrance. “I’ll wait by that tree.” He nods at a tall fir to the left of the soldiers.
My fingers grip his tighter. “I still don’t see why I can’t stay with you. We can hide the anklet far away from the cabin. They’ll never find me.”
With a quick tug, he has my shoulders in his hands, his eyes drilling into mine. “You don’t know how to take no for an answer, do you? I’ve already said I can’t be alone with you.”
I study the lines of his face, trying to decipher every crease and angle. Desperation makes me want to touch the scar on his lip, but I tremble with the thought. “I’m still not sure why the tough commander can face a vampire or an army of Miscretes but he’s afraid of me. I can’t hit a tree with an arrow ninety percent of the time.”
When I don’t move away, he closes his eyes, his chest rising and falling. He massages my shoulders with his gentle touch. “I feel things toward you I shouldn’t. There’s a magnetic pull I’m desperately trying to fight, but whenever I think I’m gaining ground, I slip backward.” He drops his hands, breaking the connection I crave whenever he touches me. “We’ll continue training, but only in the Grove with the others around.” He rakes his hand through his hair. “I can’t believe Gray and Evie left me alone with you.”
“They know?” I’m already reeling from his admission. No wonder he acts like such an asshole around me. Has he talked about his desires with them? Pinpricks of embarrassment prickle my skin. This is only a crush—one I can keep to myself in the privacy of my dreams.
He clears his throat, staring over my shoulder at the guards by the entrance. “I mentioned it to Gray. Thought he’d know a way to snap the connection, because I haven’t found a way to break it myself.”
My gut twists with nausea. “Sorry to inconvenience you.” I whip around and march toward the guards, done with this conversation. He has a girlfriend. I get it. But he doesn’t have to make me feel like I’m a wart on his thumb.
“If it isn’t Grayson’s little sister.” The taller guard who gave me a hard time the other night walks up to me, appraising my outfit. He glances around and smirks. “Doesn’t look like you have your bodyguard tonight.” His smirk widens as he reaches out and touches my hair.
I smack his hand away, the uncomfortable twist in my gut transforming into bubbling anger. “Don’t touch me.”
He circles me, his eyes raking over my chest. Why did I wear Evie’s blouse that clings a little too tightly to my breasts? Because I was thinking about spending time with Bastian, not coming to work in Avren.
“You haven’t shown up for work the past two nights,” he states, taking the clipboard from the metal box. “Supervisor moved you. Can’t have workers not showing up for mission-critical positions.”
“The Sweet Street Bakery is a mission-critical position?” I suppose if children aren’t getting their sweets, there could be anarchy in the pristine streets.
“For some it is.” Without warning, he swats me on the bottom with the clipboard. “But with a little persuasion on your part, I could move you back to your cushy job. Give me fifteen minutes behind the trees over there.”
“Like hell. I’d rather clean toilets.” I want to use the leg sweep on him but think better of it. “Take me to my job running the machines in the cavern. I know that’s where you moved me.” The idea of running the machines all night is soul-sucking. But losing my virginity to this man would kill me.
Instead of turning to lead me to the cavern, he grips my hair, making it obvious that he’s made up his mind. The other guards keep their gazes away from us, and I know this practice is a regular occurrence for the women of the wilderness.
He drags me behind a stand of trees, their luminescent glow lighting the twisted grin on his face. This is all about power for him, and I need to stop it. As he lowers a hand to unzip his pants, I plant my left leg and swing out my right, knocking him to the ground. Before I can think about running, he reaches out and snatches my ankle, and I hear the crack as I fall to the ground. My face plants in the soil. Pain spreads up my leg, but a voice in my head tells me to run. I can hear him crawling toward me, his panting heavy. As I lift to a sprinter’s position, my injury becomes too much to take. Seconds after he grabs hold of my injured ankle, twisting it in an unbearable grip, he releases, and I fall back to the ground, my face covered in dirt and tears.
Strong arms wrap around me, raising me from the ground. Gentle lips touch my ear and whisper, “You’re a badass.”
Right. The soldier was seconds away from raping and possibly murdering me, and I’m the poster child for tough women everywhere. I’m too tired to argue, nestling into his familiar scent—woodsy like a campfire. The pain of my ankle dulls in his presence. Bastian Hale makes me feel safer than my comforter in my bedroom in Avren. I keep my eyes closed, resting my head on his shoulder as l hear the snap of my ankle bracelet and the thud as it hits the ground. I let him carry me back to our cabin.
As he walks in silence, I want to ask him about the soldier. Is he dead? Not that I care. The Council allows guards to control the Undesirables however they see fit—to treat them like cattle, doing the dirty work to keep the people of Avren alive. For the first time, I see clearly why the Redeemed need to destroy the city.
“Susan will be angry. I told her we had the cabin to ourselves tonight.” His hand moves back and forth on my arm, and I’m not sure if he’s trying to comfort me or if he’s doing it as he’s thinking. “She’s already jealous of you.”
I open my eyes, letting them adjust to the lights above us. His face holds an unfamiliar look. His eyes appear softer as they search my face. His full lips lift into a slight smile.
“I’ve never studied your face before. You’re the first person I’ve met with perfect skin. I’m afraid to touch it because you might break like a doll.”
Is that a backhanded compliment?
“Before you came along, the soldier didn’t have an issue with burying my perfect face in the ground, so it must not be that rare.” I, along with the others in Avren, had ways to care for our skin using minerals from the caves. Exfoliating our skin in the mud baths of Galraith was a routine with my mother. My hand shaking slightly, I touch his cheek. “You should try a mud bath sometime.”
He laughs, shaking me with the movement of his chest. “A bath in mud. That’s a new one. I thought farmers reserved dirty baths for the pigs.” He lifts an eyebrow and raises the corner of his lip. “But I have to admit, it sounds intriguing.”
Silence falls between us, so I close my eyes to rest, nuzzling my face against his chest and taking advantage of the closeness—a luxury I’ll probably never experience again.
About halfway to the cabin, he stops and sits by a tree, keeping me in his arms. I readjust so I’m sitting in his lap but don’t move my head from his chest. “I never wanted to kill someone so badly in my life.”
“If I hadn’t twisted my ankle, I think I could have gotten away.” I look down at my boot. My ankle pulsates beneath the tight leather.
Bastian lifts to his knees, turns, and sets me on the ground. He touches the laces on my boot. “May I?”
I nod. The heaviness of the sole of my boot pulled on my ankle during our trek through the woods, making it ache more.
He unlaces the boot all the way, then gently lifts my ankle to slip the shoe from my foot. When he rolls down my sock, I wince, feeling a shock of pain shoot up my leg. A black and purple swelling protrudes from my skin.
“It’s more than likely broken.” With my sock still off, he scoops me into his arms and carries me to the nearby stream, having me rest on the bank. “Put it in the water for a while.”
Obeying my doctor’s orders, I gingerly dip the lower part of my right leg into the water. It’s ice-cold. “In the city, we have healers who care for the sick and injured. Are there any healers in the wilderness?”
“There’s Ben Finch. Lives on the far side of the Lake of Glass in a hermit’s hut. Guy’s as crazy as they come, but he’s helped me remove a stray arrow or two.” He lowers his tunic from his shoulder, revealing a scar about the size of a small stone. “Hurt like hell.”
“If my ankle’s broken, what do you think he’ll do?” Images of what I used to think people in the wilderness looked like come to mind.
“Keep it immobile, possibly reset it.” He gives me a wicked grin, setting my heart racing.
“Can we do it without Ben?” All I want is to lie in my bed and fall asleep. Walking another hour past the cabin, even in Bastian’s arms, sounds daunting. “It will heal eventually.”
“We could, but we can’t. If you’re the so-called savior of the world, I need to get you back out on the training field. Having you in bed for a month won’t work.” He carries my boot over from the spot by the tree then yanks the hem of his shirt from his pants. Before I know it, he has his tunic completely removed and I’m staring at his chest.
Oh, help me.
Bastian is the most beautiful creature I’ve ever laid eyes on. Runes dance along his skin, over his pectoral muscles and circle his arms. One is of the four intertwined circles on my locket, a sign of his commitment to his brothers and sister. His hard chest muscles lead down to a trim waist where his pants hang low.
I swallow, ripping my gaze away before he catches me looking.
He drops to one knee beside me, lifting my leg from the water and using his tunic to dry it. His fingers move in a slow, soft pattern which feels more intimate than it should. “I’m not hurting you, am I?”
“No.”
Only my heart.
This side of him is so different from the commander on the field, or the brother brooding around the others. His words from the morning in the field with the vampire come back. Touch her and die.
Three times he’s killed someone or something that tried to harm me. He takes his familial bonds seriously. And that’s how he sees me—his little sister. Sure, he has his weird, twisted magnetic fascination with me, but he’s trying to break it.
Maybe I should try harder to break it.
“We’ll keep your shoe off the rest of the way,” he says, bending over to lift me and not bothering to put his shirt back on. He knows what he’s doing.
I trace his Kindred Few tattoo with my pointer finger. “When do I get one of these?”
“When you earn it.” He doesn’t look down as I continue to trace the circles on his skin. “You’re not there yet.”