24. Tavish
24
TAVISH
I n my entire existence, I’d never struggled with self-control until I brought Lira back into our realm. Watching her in this blasted game was excruciating. I’d almost interfered with the trial multiple times, and had it not been for Finnian holding me back and her sprouting wings to save herself, I would have rescued her.
Of course, the man who’d risen against me was the one she was chained to and whom she’d saved time and time again. Another dig toward me by Eldrin, no doubt. Eldrin hadn’t expected them to succeed.
Eldrin finished his speech, indicating that if the prisoners couldn’t make it through the doors back to the prison, they didn’t officially survive the game, which had my frozen blood thawing. Caelan’s head minutely tipped back with surprise. That hadn’t been the plan. Eldrin must have made the change because Lira was completely exhausted.
I hated the debt I owed to Eldrin. Being around him now made me want to cloak him in darkness and strangle him slowly for what he continued to do to Lira. But my hands were tied, and I couldn’t help her to the doors since he hadn’t officially ended the game, just the fighting.
Lira’s face was strained, and her head lifted as she tried to get up.
Something in my chest ached.
My breath caught, the sensation overwhelming, reminding me of the moment I’d stirred back to consciousness to find my parents dead at the feet of five Seelie soldiers after they’d taken Dunscaith Castle by surprise.
The Seelie had frozen my heart solid by killing my parents. Of course, their princess would warm it back up to ache once more. The bitter irony filled my mouth with the taste of copper.
I stood, ready to push another vision into her head. I wasn’t sure what she’d seen, but whatever image I’d prompted had inspired her to continue. And … she knew it had been me.
Lorne closed the distance between them, causing all three types of my magic to pulse. Somehow, the wildling was moving better than he had when the trial started, and I wondered if his injuries had been an act to wear Lira down so he could ultimately be the one to kill her.
I couldn’t do a damn thing unless he tried something that went against the gauntlet rules, but my hands tensed, ready for the moment my sword could slice through his neck. Every one of them would die after the games concluded because each person had tried to harm her. I just had to wait until the end and dream of all the ways I would destroy them and make them suffer twice as much as Lira.
My wings spread as Lorne reached down. I made sure to watch every movement he made, knowing how smart the wildling could be. He’d had me fooled for a few months while he and Eldrin had tried to turn my people against me. Lorne got to be a prisoner for life, and I made Eldrin pay as much as I could with the debt still hanging over my head. Thankfully, he’d fallen in line these past eleven years and had helped me take back control because losing him at my side would further fracture our people’s trust.
Lorne touched Lira, and primal rage ripped through my body. I flew upward, ready to attack, when he stood, lifting her in his arms.
I froze, waiting for the first sign of her distress, but he cradled her to him and headed toward the prison door.
My heart pounded, and my hands clenched as my vision tunneled. The rest of the world faded from view except for the way he held her against his chest, cradling her the way only I was allowed to do. The fact that I couldn’t kill him turned my vision red, and I readied to swoop down there and rip her from his arms as soon as they reached the door.
“What is he doing?” Eldrin grumbled below. “He should be dragging her, not helping her.”
My focus on Lorne touching Lira was the only thing that kept me from killing Eldrin. He purposely set her up to die, and I wasn’t certain how she hadn’t. Worse, her heart beating comforted me more than it should.
She deserved a happy life. I should never have brought her here.
My breathing seized as the magnitude of what I’d thought crashed over me. No . I couldn’t think that way. Bringing her here had been my only option. If we didn’t strike the Seelie hard and fast like they’d done to us, my people would die, and that was unacceptable. It was one life for thousands, and we needed her blood to take down the veil protecting the Seelie from us.
Finnian chuckled, pulling my attention from the dangerous thought I’d had moments ago. He said, “I think you underestimate the Seelie princess, Eldrin. The fact that she doesn’t act like the monster we’ve painted her kind as may be impacting the Unseelie more than you anticipated. She is strong, only defends herself, and keeps rising above the occasion despite not having her memories.”
The admiration coming from the mouth of one of my best friends had me snapping my head in his direction. Finnian was used to getting any woman he wanted, but Lira wasn’t one he could take to bed. The thought alone had me wanting to stab his eyes out so he could never look her way again.
Something was horribly wrong with me.
“King Tavish, is something bothering you?” Caelan asked, his brows furrowing as he scanned my face.
“Oh, that’s putting it mildly.” Finnian grinned and placed his hands behind his head as he leaned back. “I believe irritation would be an understatement as well.”
Normally, his goading didn’t bother me, but he provided an easy target for my frustration.
His eyes widened as he realized he’d pushed me too far, but the sound of the door creaking open came from below.
Lorne walked through the doorway with Lira in his arms. Finola and Torcall stood at the door, and when Finola took her from Lorne, some of the strange sensations in my chest eased, though I now had a new hatred for Lorne I suspected I’d never shake.
Wings flapped as Finnian hovered next to me. He patted my shoulder and whispered, “She’s out of danger.”
Even though that was true, her safety was temporary. She’d be involved in the next gauntlet, the gruesome game I had created. If she survived, it would fall on me to kill her.
That agonizing pain burst through my chest, reminding me that, no matter what, her death had always been the fate I’d given her.
I hadn’t considered the possibility that I’d carry the guilt of my decision for eternity.
I rubbed the spot on my chest directly above my heart to ease the discomfort. “But for how long, really?” The future weighed on me, and the need to rush to her and mend her wounds overtook me.
I had to be smart about it and not let Eldrin know. He already focused on her too much, and if he did more, I risked killing him.
Moira and Rona were the next pair through and I couldn’t wait any longer, especially with Dougal and Bran just a few feet behind them.
Tearing my gaze from the door, I scanned the stadium. More than half of my people were grinning, enjoying every moment of the pain inflicted upon the traitors. That didn’t startle me. What did was the quarter of the watchers who were frowning like they weren’t happy with everything that had happened.
As soon as the last pair made it through the door, I turned to my group and said, “I have something I need to attend to now that the game is over.”
“We all do, King Tavish.” Eldrin rolled his eyes and flew toward the open sky above the arena. He called over his shoulder, “Our real day is just beginning.”
All that prevented me from following him and punishing him was my intense desire to check on Lira. Torcall and Finola knew to bring her to my room, and if I argued with Eldrin, especially in front of my people, he’d want to discuss the state of things between us, thus keeping me from Lira.
“Caelan and I will find volunteers to do the work the prisoners normally do,” Finnian offered. “Meet us for dinner, and we’ll catch you up on everything.”
Maybe not killing Finnian had been the right decision after all. Instead of responding, I flew upward. I’d need to take the long way back to my room.
I heard Caelan mutter, “Where is he going?”
I knew better than to fly to Lira, but I couldn’t stop myself. The way her golden blood had trickled down her face and her wings had hung limply sprang back into my mind, pushing me to reach her faster.
After taking the longer way around the castle, I flew into the window closest to my bedchamber, noting Torcall standing guard outside the door alone.
My wings suddenly felt as if someone were pulling me to the ground. I landed right before him, searching for Finola and Lira. Had they run into issues while coming here? Surely, the other guards knew better than to cause problems. “Where are they?”
The corner of Torcall’s eyes tightened, and something strange formed in the back of my throat.
As I readied to head to the prison, Torcall cleared his throat and said, “They’re both in the bedroom. The Seelie is struggling.”
I hurried past him and shoved the door open. I found Lira crawling to the wall and propping herself against it. She reached for Nightbane, who crouched between Finola and her. Drool dripped from his teeth as he snarled at Finola, making it clear he viewed her as a threat.
“Nightbane, calm down.” Lira reached forward, her face twisting in worry. “She helped me, so don’t be mean.” Her fingers reached his tail, and she ran a hand along it. “It’s okay.”
Seeing her broken gutted me. I was quite sure I’d rather be stabbed repeatedly than see her this way. I couldn’t keep my distance from her anymore, and my feet began moving before I gave them permission.
“You can leave, Finola,” I rasped while squatting next to Lira, not bothering to look at anyone but her. Even bloodied, beaten, and injured, she was still the most gorgeous woman I’d ever seen.
“Yes, sire,” Finola said with relief and darted out the door.
Heart clenched so tight I feared it might burst, I touched her shoulder, hoping it was a safe place.
She flinched and whimpered.
I jerked my hand back, and the words I’m sorry sat on the tip of my tongue, but I forced myself to swallow them. Instead, I settled on something else. “Where does it not hurt?”
She licked her lips and the center of her bottom one split. “Everywhere hurts, but I need water,” she replied hoarsely.
Water. That was something I could do for her. I hurried to the bathroom and turned on the tub faucet. She’d meant to drink some water, but soaking in the tub, especially with her affinity for water, would rejuvenate her faster than anything. I could get her settled in with Nightbane and then get Torcall or Finola to get her a large glass to drink.
As the tub filled, I snagged a towel from the closet and placed it on the edge so it would be easy for her to reach it. With that settled, I headed back into the bedroom. The door to the room opened, and Finola stuck her head in while holding a gown.
“I thought she might need this,” she said and held it out for me to take.
Right. She needed something to wear. I still wasn’t used to taking care of anyone but myself, especially a woman. “Excellent.” I took the gown and added, “Can you get someone to bring her water too? She needs to drink.”
She nodded and glanced at Nightbane before shutting the door again.
Maybe having the beast in my room wasn’t a bad thing after all. People didn’t loiter.
Nightbane lay flat on the floor beside her. He looked as worried as I was, and I realized the impact Lira was having on both of us. Another thing I had to refuse to allow myself to analyze.
“Let’s get you in the bath.” I tossed the gown over my shoulder, readying to carry her. The image of her in Lorne’s arms took over, causing that damn rage to surge back. I needed to scrub that memory from her brain, preferably with me.
She winced but nodded. “I should get my wounds clean before an infection sets in.”
“Infection?” I lifted a brow. I had no idea what that was.
“Yeah, the dirt and germs that make you sick.” She placed a hand on the floor and groaned as she tried to sit upright. When she placed her foot on the ground to stand, she hissed and fell back down.
I slid my arms under her wings and knees, and the jolt sprang up between us, stronger than ever. Her breath caught like the strength of the sensation had taken her by surprise as well, making me realize that my touch impacted her just as much as hers affected me.
Why did that sound familiar? I couldn’t recall, though the importance seemed significant.
I needed to tend to her and get her rested and in bed. Eldrin might call for the last game to begin tomorrow, though with how severely the contestants were injured, I doubted he would. He’d want to make sure they were healthy enough to kill her.
“I’m going to carry you to the tub, and Finola is bringing you water.” I scanned her face, wishing I could take all the pain away from her. She didn’t have much longer to live, and she deserved to spend that time pain-free. “You ready?”
She nodded but bit her lip, causing blood to ooze from the wound once more. I stood, and the way her body fitted to mine made the gesture feel so natural.
With each step I took, she moaned softly, making my dick harden in my pants. Even though the sounds were from pain, I imagined they were similar to how she sounded during sex.
Once again, she was testing my limits, but there was no way in Ardanos I would ever take advantage of her, especially in this shape. I moved slowly, Nightbane at my side, not letting her out of his sight like he thought I would harm her.
The water had filled the tub, and I gently set her on the edge. She winced, rolling her feet onto the heels. I bent down to remove what was left of her boots and took in the bottoms of her feet. That red haze clouded my vision again. Her skin was burned black from the fire-heated chains she’d been forced to climb.
No wonder she’d struggled so hard, yet she’d helped Lorne even when the closing walls could’ve broken the chain that bound them together. “Why didn’t you let him get crushed so you wouldn’t have to struggle like you did?” I hadn’t meant to sound so gruff, but the idea of her risking her life to save him had me wanting to knock sense into her.
“He wasn’t trying to harm me,” she answered simply and factually, like it made perfect sense. “What sort of person would I be if I could help someone but decided it wasn’t worth it? Besides, you made it clear I’m dying soon anyway. This way, it will be somewhat on my own terms.”
“He wouldn’t have thought twice about killing you if the roles had been reversed.” I needed her to see that her decision was flawed so she wouldn’t take a foolish risk like that again. “He leveraged your weakness so you’d save him.”
Her laughter sounded raw. “Valuing a life doesn’t make me weak. It makes me not a monster. I won’t let the gauntlet change me. I want to die knowing who I am.” Her voice gave out at the end, revealing how weak she was.
I chose to drop the conversation for now because she needed to get into the bath to heal, but I didn’t want to. She had to see she wasn’t thinking like a fae … what she really was.
After untying her laces, I helped slide off the boots. Each one caused her to whimper. Luckily, that noise helped the issue I had with my pants because those sounds tugged at my heart.
I tossed the boots to the corner of the bathroom and readied to leave so she could strip down and get into the water. “Nightbane will stay with you, and I’ll be right outside the door if you need me.”
She nodded, and I left, wanting her to get in the tub as quickly as possible.
I stopped just outside the door, waiting to hear her get into the water, but for several minutes, nothing happened. A heavy knot formed in my stomach.
I knocked gently. “Are you okay?”
“No.” She whimpered. “I need your help, but—”
Before she even finished the sentence, I opened the door … and froze.