Chapter 9 What Ifs?
Jesus Christ, just the sight of him took my breath away.
Because if I thought he’d looked powerful before, I was wrong. Now, he looked untouchable. Beautiful in a way that made my pulse quicken for all the wrong reasons.
Of course, he was the first to rise. That tall, commanding form was every inch the predator I knew him to be. The faint shimmer of weapons beneath his belt didn’t go unnoticed, even in a velvet coat, he was armed to the teeth.
His gaze seemed powerful enough to claim me and hit like a physical touch.
Slow. Unapologetic. That same pale light flared again in his eyes, the one that only seemed to appear when his emotions slipped out through the cracks of his mask.
And if I thought that he’d given me a seductive look earlier that morning, then this one was downright sinful.
It was heat and danger rolled into one steady stare.
I could almost feel it, the drag of his gaze down my body, tracing the lines of the black dress I’d agonized over wearing. Every inch of me came alive under it, and it took everything in me not to shiver.
Damn him.
But damn me more for liking it.
I forced my shoulders back and walked forward, spine straight, chin high. His subtle nod sent Bronte and Christos retreating in silence. As for my uncle, he was the first to break the secret tension in the room.
“Alex!” he exclaimed, beaming as he crossed the room to greet me. His hands landed warmly on my shoulders, holding me at arm’s length. “You look beautiful, my girl.”
I smiled despite myself, heat rushing to my cheeks.
“Thanks, Uncle,” I replied as I continued to blush, even though it hadn’t been that long since Riley had told me the same thing.
Yet hearing it and believing it were two entirely different things.
I’d spent years buried under dirt, sweat, and exhaustion.
At the base, survival left little room for vanity.
But tonight… well, tonight I felt different. Almost alive again.
“Well, would you look at that,” Aster said with a grin, his voice laced with teasing warmth. “Didn’t know there was a secret girly girl hiding under all those fatigues. You scrub up good, soldier girl.”
I laughed, genuinely this time.
“You’re one to talk, commander,” I said with a wink, using his title in what I hoped was a show of respect now that we seemed to have moved past my betrayal.
I couldn’t help glancing at the way his shirt strained against muscles that definitely looked more enhanced thanks to the way the material molded against his large frame.
But then my eyes traveled elsewhere as The General moved toward me. My uncle and Aster silently retook their seats, giving him the space to approach. His gaze once more scanned down the length of me, drawing out an involuntary shiver.
“The dress…” he began, but my nerves got the best of me and I was quick to interrupt him.
“I found it in the closet and assumed… I mean, I didn’t know if I was supposed to wear it or…”
He was quick to cut me off from my rambling, and with very little effort, as all it took was him taking a step closer to me.
But then the second I looked down at myself, his hand raised to my chin before applying enough pressure to bring my gaze back to his.
The height difference was still significant between us, even with the strappy four-inch heels I wore.
“You’re exquisite,” he told me, causing an involuntary gasp to escape my lips. It was the last thing I expected him to say… and the last thing I wanted to affect me the way it did.
I swallowed hard and blushed scarlet. My uncle’s compliment had made me smile… But The General’s had made me feel.
He didn’t miss my reaction, but thankfully, he didn’t mock with a smirk either. No, instead he simply offered me his arm and said,
“Allow me.”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak right now for fear of what else I would blurt out.
Without a word, I placed my arm in the crook of his and allowed him to lead me toward the vacant space beside him.
Then, like a perfect gentleman, he became the first man in my life to ever pull out a chair for me.
However, as I took the last few steps needed, the unfamiliar heels betrayed me.
I wobbled, catching myself a second too late.
But in a blur of motion, his hand shot out, steadying me.
His fingers closed around my forearm and curled at my waist. His hold was firm, unyielding, and the type of contact that burned without pain.
A jolt of electricity surged beneath my skin, sharp enough to steal my breath, and for the briefest of moments, my scars lit up.
It was ridiculous, but for that one split second, I could have sworn the world tilted.
Our eyes met.
Neither of us spoke.
And then, far too slowly, he released me.
“Careful,” he murmured, voice low and rough as he helped me into my seat, sliding it closer to the table with quiet precision once I was sitting, the kind of old-fashioned courtesy I hadn’t ever experienced. Yet, instead of letting go and stepping away, he leaned down and whispered in my ear.
“Wouldn’t want you falling for me now, would we?” he teased, making my breath stutter as I blinked.
Had he… just made a joke?
A quiet throat-clearing broke the silence, prompting The General to lift his head before straightening at the muffled snigger coming from Aster. One that earned him a sharp look in return, giving him cause to instantly find the ceiling fascinating.
As for me, I could only reply when he took a step away from me and moved to his own seat, that cool composure sliding effortlessly back into place. And God help me, I was starting to realize just how dangerous the man really was.
“Thank you,” I said, nodding slightly in his direction, which he acknowledged in kind by doing the same in return.
As for my uncle, he was sitting opposite me, and he hadn’t missed the exchange between us. Which was most likely why he looked stuck between amusement and intrigue.
Aster sat beside him, which left me sitting directly to The General’s left, close enough to catch the scent of him. That sandalwood, leathery, faint hint of something metallic, like the air before a storm.
“Would you care for some wine?” he asked as he reached for the bottle of red I could see he had been drinking, since his own glass was near empty.
I nodded, despite not being much of a drinker, and let’s just say, I hadn’t had many occasions since the Rift opened.
But as he took my glass in his large hand, I tried not to stare.
I remembered how those hands had felt on my bare skin when he had healed me.
And because of it, I could feel the blush spreading, warming every inch of me.
I didn’t dare meet his eyes as I murmured a quick thank-you after he placed the glass in front of me, pretending to fuss with my napkin just to have something to do with my hands.
I desperately tried to think of something to say and, of course, that’s when my mouth decided to betray me.
“I read your book,” I said suddenly, my tone more high-pitched than I intended. His lips curved in a grin that sent a dangerous thrill through me.
“You did?” he murmured, sounding pleased. But before I could say more, my uncle’s voice cut in.
“Wait, are you talking about the history of The?kós?”
I blinked at him, confused.
“You’ve read it?” I asked, my voice coming out slightly strained and affronted. Thankfully, it was something my uncle didn’t pick up on as he nodded, smiling as if it were no big deal.
“I have. The General was kind enough to lend it to me a while back, and it certainly gave me a better understanding of his world and his people.”
“Oh,” I said flatly, the word sounding a lot like hurt as it burned on my tongue. Of course, I tried to hide it, but I could feel The General’s gaze on me. I could feel the perceptual shift in him, one that comes from knowing the truth, which caused a faint crease in his brow.
I didn’t know why it bothered me so much. It was irrational. But all afternoon, I’d let myself believe that the book had been something personal he had gifted to me. A gesture made just for me. That maybe he’d shared it to make peace… or to bridge the distance between us.
Instead, it turned out I was just the next name on a lending list.
I swallowed hard and forced my expression into something neutral. The disappointment sitting heavy in my chest was ridiculous. Childish even, and yet it still wouldn’t leave.
So I did the only thing I could.
I focused on my plate the second it was put down in front of me. My eyes widened at the sight of the thick, juicy steak. There were also fancy layered potatoes and glazed root vegetables that accompanied it.
The food was a welcome distraction. Real food. Rich aromas, spices, textures, and flavors that made my mouth water and my heart ache. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d tasted anything like it. Every bite was a reminder of what the world used to be.
“Oh my God,” I whispered around a mouthful. “That’s… incredible.”
Aster chuckled under his breath, but I didn’t care. I’d earned this meal, damn it. Still, with every bite, guilt crept in like an unwanted guest. Because while I sat here in luxury, others were still fighting, starving, surviving on scraps. And that guilt soon started to make the food taste bitter.
I glanced toward my uncle, watching the way he laughed easily with Aster, his shoulders loose, his eyes clear. Evidence that he had survived differently. And for the first time, I wondered if I had stayed with him, if I’d found safety during the attack, would this have also been my life now?
The thought twisted something inside me.
Because, as comforting as this all looked, the candles, the warmth, the laughter, I just couldn’t shake this feeling. A feeling that somewhere between surviving and living, I’d lost pieces of myself I might never get back.
And maybe, just maybe, that was why I couldn’t stop looking at the man sitting beside me. The one who’d built this world out of ruins and still somehow made me feel like I was the only one…
Alive in it.