Chapter Twenty-Three #2
The yet at the end of that sentence was heavily implied.
The longer I stuck around, the more complicit I would become, the more shit I would see, and the harder it would be to break free.
Nick made a good point. Everything had happened so fast this week.
It was like that movie Speed, and Jakob and I were Keanu and Sandra.
We’d been thrown together under duress. The dangerous circumstances had forced us to form a quick bond, working toward a mutual goal, with disaster dogging our steps.
I knew from my time in the military how strongly these situations could bond people.
Add in our chemistry, and I had fallen for him hard and fast. Once the threat of imminent destruction passed, what was left?
And did I even want to stick around and find out if anything was?
“Think about it,” Nick said, rising from his seat to leave.
I nodded, staring out the window, looking back on the madness of the past few days.
The stress of it all had wreaked havoc on my body.
Everything hurt, not just my leg. My brain felt foggy.
I didn’t know up from down anymore, and a strange sort of detachment was settling into my psyche.
Anticipatory fear lingered in the back of my mind.
What would happen next? Who else had I underestimated?
Would I leave this café only to learn that Jakob had been working with his father all along?
Or that Daniel hadn’t gone to Georgia but stuck around to start World War III?
If I’d learned anything since getting involved in all of this, it was that I was god-awful at anticipating the next swerve in the road.
Nick paused beside me, hand on my shoulder. “You okay?”
I shook my head. “No, but you know me. I’ll be fine.”
He squeezed me once and let me go. Then he was gone.
I should leave too. I didn’t want to be here when the café workers filed back in, wondering what the fuck had happened after Nick ordered them to leave. I was so out of it that I might blurt the truth.
I shoved my chair back and stood. The heat slapped me in the face when I stepped outside, and my whole body instantly broke out in sweat. I needed to call Jakob.
He answered on the first ring. “What happened? Are you okay?”
The fact that he was even asking meant that he must still care about me at least a little bit.
It might have given me hope if I wasn’t so fucked up about everything.
Did I want there to be hope? Or was it better if I simply walked away?
God, I didn’t want to walk away, but I felt like I might need to, at least for a little while, if I had any chance of clearing my head.
“I’m okay,” I said.
His harsh exhale was audible over the phone. Yes, he cared. Maybe more than he should.
“You were right about Nick keeping things from me,” I told him. “I got back, and the café was empty. He’d arrested Redding.”
“What?” Jakob bit out.
I filled him in as I walked back to my car, starting with Dr. Perez being conscious and working my way backward. I had to yank the phone away from my ear when I got to the part where Nick showed me Redding’s victims.
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU FIT HIS PROFILE?”
“Would you stop yelling? You’re going to make my ear bleed.”
He dropped his voice. “Where are they holding him?”
I shivered despite the heat. Maybe him yelling was better than the terrifying calm he’d descended into. It was like we were back at the police station when he’d casually mentioned assaulting a government facility to get to me. He couldn’t find out where Redding was. He’d get himself killed.
“I don’t know where they’re holding him, and even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you.”
“Call Nick. Find out.”
“No, psycho. I’m not going to aid you in your suicide attempt.”
His voice dropped into a low, amused rumble. “You need to stop underestimating what I’m capable of.”
I nearly slapped myself in the forehead. Good Lord, hadn’t I just said the same thing to myself?
“You’re right,” I told him. “I do need to stop doing that. Speaking of which, how’d you know about Nick?”
“I looked through your Facebook friends and did a little digging on all the ones with prior military or law enforcement experience.”
“Yeah, but how’d you know I’d slept with him?”
“We live in a small world. I still have friends in the service, and I asked the right people the right questions.”
“But you didn’t know he’d asked me to work for him?”
Jakob sighed. “No. But I assumed.”
“And yet you still let me into Charley’s. Why? To make an example out of me?”
His laugh was humorless. “I’m not that fucked up. I let you into Charley’s because I saw the way you interacted with club members. You didn’t seem like the kind to rat us out, and I went with my gut.”
“Your gut is good,” I said, parroting his father from the other night.
“Don’t give me too much credit. Half of why I gave you a pass was because I was into you.”
“Into me?” I asked. He could have said, “Because I wanted to sleep with you,” but he didn’t. His choice of words made it sound like he’d had a thing for me long before I’d had one for him, that it had been more than just sex for him since the very beginning.
“Yes, into you,” he bit out, sounding like this was a confession he didn’t want to make.
I nearly grinned, feeling that messed-up side of me come to attention. “Aw, you had a crush on me, and it took you three months to work up the courage to ask me out.”
“Stop it.”
“That is adorable, Jakob. I knew you were a softie deep down.”
“If I promise to go deep down on you when we get back, will you shut up?”
“No. You’re never living this down,” I said. “Anything else you want to confess while you’re at it?”
“Your parents came to town about a month ago.”
I wasn’t ready to hear that, and I tripped over my own feet and nearly face-planted onto the sidewalk. “What?”
“I drove them off before they could fuck up your or your gran’s lives again.”
Jesus Christ. “Okay. That’s enough. I’m not sure how many more plot twists I can survive.”
He laughed. He actually laughed.
“How did you know they would fuck up our lives?” I asked. I couldn’t help myself.
“I saw their arrest history. I saw the child services complaints.”
“Oh,” I said, voice soft, thinking of that nice CS woman asking four-year-old me where my mommy had punched me.
“You seemed like you were doing pretty good, and I know firsthand how parents can wreck your life.” He was obviously talking about Liam.
“Why do you put up with him?” I asked.
“Because it’s better to stay close to him so I know what he’s up to. If I break off ties, he might snap. I might not see the next manipulation coming.”
Well, that explained that, then. I felt stupid for ever thinking of him as a victim to his father.
“And because of Mom,” he added in a softer tone.
“I understand,” I said. I’d want to stick around for Jennifer, too, if she were my mother.
We fell quiet as I walked the rest of the way to my car.
There was so much I wanted to say to him, to ask him, but I couldn’t seem to find the words.
It was one thing to agree with Nick that I needed to take a step back, another thing to hold to that when talking to Jakob.
I could feel my willpower slipping. The low rumble of his voice brought back too many memories: him whispering delicious sexual threats into my ear our first night together; us snapping at each other outside Magnolia; his deranged smile when he asked me if his psychosis turned me on.
It all made me want to stick around a little longer to see what he would do next.
That and the physical pull he seemed to have on me.
I was keyed up again with no outlet to vent all my fear and anger and anxiety, and I needed another hit of life.
I needed to revel in the fact that Redding hadn’t gotten to me.
Stripping Jakob naked and tracing all his glorious muscles with my tongue seemed like a great way to achieve that.
But was that healthy? I’d taken a couple of psyops courses in the military.
I knew enough about human psychology to understand that we craved the unknown.
It was why so many people were glued to their social media accounts.
It was less a popularity contest and more brain hacking.
What would we see when we logged in? Ten likes?
Twenty? Or none? The fear of the unknown kept us coming back for more, and the endorphin spikes we got from it were quickly turning us all into addicts.
It was the same reason that some women were attracted to unstable assholes—not because they liked being treated like shit but because they couldn’t resist the draw of the unknown.
Was that what this was between Jakob and me? He didn’t treat me like shit, but he was definitely unpredictable.
I reached my car and stopped, breathing deeply, solidifying my will.
I needed to step back. At the very least, I needed a couple of stress-free days to unwind from this insanity and unpack all my feelings.
Only with a clear head could I really know how I felt about Jakob, and my head was far from clear right now.
“I’m at my car,” I told him. “I assume you want me to meet you so you can follow me back to your parents’ house?”
“Yeah, but first I want you to drive by where I’m parked so I can make sure the feds aren’t following you.”
“Good thinking,” I said. After everything that happened today, I didn’t think I would ever trust anyone again, and I was glad for once that he was three steps ahead of me.
I climbed into my car and followed Jakob’s directions. He was still tracking me through GPS.
“Take the next road on your left,” he said.
I made the turn.
“I’m in the lot to your right. Keep driving straight. When you get to the end of the street, make a left and then circle back around.”
I raised my hand and waved to him as I passed.
“Hi,” he said. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
Tears filled my eyes. “I’m glad I’m okay too,” I said, wondering why I was lying to him.
I wasn’t okay. I wasn’t okay at all.