12 #2
“I can’t stay. The apartment lease is ending, and we need that deposit back so we can get a place in Sydney. We can’t keep relying on Kenny and Lily. Bo missed that test by just a few points, and the counselors said that this year’s Suneung was a nightmare.”
Helen folded her arms and closed her eyes, unable to forget what her son had said after the test results came out.
Umma, I want to take it again. I failed you and Appa. I’m sorry.
She told him he hadn’t done anything wrong.
He had never failed them, but Bo could not be consoled.
Her oldest child did not cry or waste more words.
He was certain that if he had studied harder, he would have passed.
Acceptance was within his grasp. Three points, maybe four?
All this expense and time would not have been squandered.
How could she say no to a child who wanted to study harder?
Helen could not. For her son, passing that test was his redemption.
The boy’s apology continued to press down on his mother’s brain like a tiny ball of tungsten, a deceptively heavy metal she had once held in her palm in a chemistry class.
Of course, the aunt felt terrible for her nephew.
Sonya’s younger son, Jiman, had just been accepted to Korea University.
Like his older brother, he hadn’t been allowed to apply to Seoul National.
His academic record was strong but not the best in his high school, so he had tested for KU and been accepted as an economics major, which had delighted the Chairman and Sonya’s husband.
“It doesn’t make sense for me to stay here and lease a smaller place,” Helen said. “DH is doing well at Andover. We’re maintaining three households. I must be out of my mind.”
Sonya understood. Helen’s growing expenses were unsustainable, and how would she ever save for the children’s weddings and her own retirement?
“Sister, I was wondering, I know the Chairman wouldn’t like it, but do you think Bo could stay here to take the test again? He’d be at the hagwon most of the time and wouldn’t be underfoot. I know it’s a big—”
Sonya had been afraid of this. The Chairman had already warned her and said it just wasn’t possible. She felt unable to refuse her little sister but unable to say yes, either, because this was not her house. With her head bowed down, Sonya sat, not saying a word.
“Never mind,” Helen said. She understood that her sister couldn’t ask. “I was thinking of renting a room for him. I can’t decide if he should stay at a boardinghouse or a gosiwon.”
“I’ve heard that boardinghouses can be terrible about meals,” Sonya said, wanting to be helpful.
“The newer gosiwon can be nicer,” she said.
“The rooms are small but some of them are well run. I can help you with that. I am sorry about this. You know that if the Chairman and my husband weren’t so against—”
The Chairman felt strongly about allowing anyone outside the immediate family to stay overnight. He had never liked Sonya’s family. For her sake, he tolerated them.
“We’ll be fine,” Helen said, feeling foolish.
“I can help you with the cost,” Sonya assured her. “Find the best gosiwon for him, right next to the hagwon. The boardinghouses are often far away, and you don’t want him to waste time commuting. Just pick the best one, and I’ll take care of it. I’ll check in on him often. I promise.”
Sonya paused. “You look tired,” Sonya said. “The sweater is pretty, but the lilac color highlights the gray in your hair. You look older than me! Get an appointment and get your roots done. I’m a mean older sister, aren’t I? But who else is going to tell you to take care of your looks?”
Helen touched her head. Her sister was picking on her because she felt bad.
Sonya had married a man from a wealthy family but had quickly learned that none of their money was hers.
This vast home she took great care of did not belong to her.
Sonya nagged or teased only two people in the world: Kenny and her.
With everyone else, Sonya was detached, her behavior unimpeachable.
To everyone else, her sister appeared flawless.
“I promise to get my color done,” Helen said.
“How is Mido?”
“School is easier for her there, of course. Mido and DH could never do what Bo is trying to do. And they would never want to.”
Sonya crossed her arms and tilted her head slightly.
“Why is Bo doing this? It makes no sense. He should be studying in America.”
“He likes being here. He feels closer to the people. He was even thinking of trying to get into military service,” Helen said, mystified.
“Has my favorite nephew lost his mind? My sons would be overjoyed if they didn’t have to go through this.
Well, actually, Seungman is looking forward to military service, but Jiman, not so much.
” Sonya made a face, because her younger one wasn’t the tough kind.
He would likely be picked on, and it worried her.
Though the Chairman said it would be good for them to serve. It will make them into men.
“It’s crazy enough that Bo wants to take the test again and live in Korea. Do not allow him to give up his American citizenship to do service. I will not allow that,” Sonya said sternly.
Helen nodded.
Sonya glanced at the clock.
“Listen, let’s have something to eat now. The Chairman will be back soon.”
It always felt to Helen as if the rooms were filled with listening devices and Sonya’s de facto father-in-law could hear her. The Chairman controlled every decision and expense in the household, and Sonya did everything she could to please him.
Helen brushed her hand across the mohair wool fabric that covered the sofa.
“Umma used to love this color so much.”
“Yes. She had a dress this exact shade,” Sonya exclaimed.
“I wish she could have seen this sofa. This beautiful home,” Helen said, admiring the view of the river.
Sonya considered what it would have meant for their profligate parents to see the splendor of this place, how well her sons were doing, and how far she had traveled from their squalid childhood. She missed them.