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“The four bottom levels of the pyramid—physiological, safety, love, and esteem—are called ‘deficiency needs,’ because when we feel deprived of them, we need them even more. Say you’re freezing cold: Your need for warmth only increases.
You are motivated to find a sweater, a bowl of soup, or better heaters. ”
The students wrote down Dr. Wilson’s examples.
“The fifth stage of self-actualization is called a ‘being need,’ because it’s a need to be a fully developed person. After one’s basic needs are being met, and, of course, there are fluctuations and a wish to maintain these levels, a person will wish to seek her fullest expression of who she is.”
She looked out to the assembled students. “In the paper, how does Maslow define ‘self-actualization’?”
A young woman in the front row, wavy brown hair and large earrings, raised her hand and read from Maslow’s paper:
“ ‘Even if all these needs are satisfied, we may still often (if not always) expect that a new discontent and restlessness will soon develop, unless the individual is doing what he is fitted for. A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately happy. What a man can be, he must be. This need we may call self-actualization.’ ”
“Thank you, Priscilla,” Professor Wilson said, then continued.
“Now, what’s interesting is that if your needs for self-fulfillment and growth are being met, you may have motivation to keep growing. As you grow toward your full self, you’ll keep expanding your human capacity.
“Maslow argued that a human being could wish to seek her maximum potential. However, it would be difficult to seek self-actualization if your basic needs, such as housing, warmth, food, love, and esteem, are not met. Although there are counterexamples, of course. One can be a prisoner who writes beautiful music, so he has little public esteem, but he is still growing in his human potential, so it is important not to think of it only as a sequence. There are many people who may never seek to become self-actualized.”
Bo took notes and thought of his family and how they had gone backward to meeting their most basic needs, but their motivation to rise had not yet flagged.
When Bo didn’t get into Yonsei on his first try, he broke up with his girlfriend Ara, who had been accepted to SKKU, her first-choice school. She’d insisted on being with him, but he broke it off, saying that she’d be better off without him. He hadn’t wanted her pity.
Now it occurred to him that in terms of Maslow’s theories, he might have valued self-esteem even more than love.
He had lacked self-esteem, and, feeling ashamed, he hadn’t thought he deserved a girl like her.
His need for esteem might have distorted what was in plain sight.
Ara had been kind, smart, and lovely. By now, she’d be finishing up SKKU, and he’d only just started school again.
Remembering her didn’t make him feel worse, and he didn’t want to go out with her again; he liked knowing that he could try to figure out things like Maslow’s hierarchy. If anything, he wished he could ask Professor Wilson about Ara and his three tries, but he couldn’t imagine having so much nerve.
After each class, he felt a bit of darkness lifting away from him, even though he hadn’t realized it had been there, and he felt lighter inside.
As he walked out of the class, Professor Wilson called out to him.
“Bo, you haven’t been to office hours lately. Why is that?” she asked.
“I’m sorry. Is that a requirement? I thought it was for extra help.”
“It’s not required, but almost everyone in this class comes now and then, and you should, too. Mr. Gonzalez called me.”
Bo didn’t know what to say.
“You’re not in trouble. He just said that you had questions about psychology and studying it possibly at UCLA, and I’d be glad to talk to you about it. Just stop by sometime.” She picked up her book bag, and they walked out of the classroom toward the quad.
“Can you want esteem more than love?” Bo surprised himself by asking her. It felt safer to ask in private.
“Of course. Maslow argued that it wasn’t a matter of consecutive stages, and it wasn’t a kind of rule that one must have achieved or acquired love before getting esteem.”
“Is that a life worth having?” Bo asked. “A life with esteem but no love?”
Professor Wilson smiled.
“Well, personally, I don’t think so, but I suppose one can protest and reason that he doesn’t need love, perhaps, at that time in his life? I doubt it, though, don’t you?”
Bo nodded, still thinking of Ara.
“I’d rather have love than esteem, but I can’t imagine not seeking self-actualization,” she said. “There are so many kinds of love, too. I value the love of my family of origin, friends, as well as my husband and children. Human beings need love, I think.”
Priscilla, the student from class, caught up with them in the quad.
“Professor Wilson, I have so many questions.”
Wilson smiled. “Yes, Priscilla. Do you know Bo?”
“Hey,” she said to Bo with a passing glance, then turned to the professor, her enormous silver hoops skimming her shoulders.
“Maybe I’m meant to be an actor, which I think is self-actualization,” the pretty freshman said, “but how about if I never get a role and die?”
Wilson looked perplexed.
“Why so grim? Were the other needs met? Why acting? Not enough details here. But regardless of the outcome—I think in your case, you think it’s getting a role—what we need to value is your pursuit of growth as an actor and, more importantly, as a human.
It’s the outcome orientation that I question. ”