16
Instructions for the Living
Within two weeks of Sonya’s return to Orange County, by mastering the church networks and through introductions from important friends back home, she was able to find a real estate broker, a property inspector, a banker, real estate and immigration lawyers, insurance agents, private nurses, and a new three-bedroom house with a garage and driveway in Cypress.
Before Christmas, the Koh family closed on the house.
The lawyer advised Sonya to protect the property interest of the children in the event that her brother-in-law remarried. “Surely your sister will want to make sure that her children own the house and can never be evicted if they continue to make payments,” he said.
The house was not grand, but it was a new construction by a reputable builder, one of ten in a row of town houses, painted white with pale-gray trim.
It was located in the center of town and close to an excellent public school, and the broker had predicted that the property value would only increase.
Sonya had visited almost two dozen houses, and the one on Candlestick Lane was everything they desired and in their price range.
Two days before Christmas, Sonya pushed Helen in her collapsible wheelchair across the threshold.
Bundled in a quilt and scarves, Helen looked up at her sister and said quietly, “I never thought we could own our place in America so soon. Thank you.”
Lately, John said even less than usual, but he was grateful that Helen was comfortable. As long as he was able to work, he was determined to make good on the loan. He promised Helen that he’d repay her sister’s family, and she believed he would.
Helen refused to go to hospice. There was little point to it now. The nurses were wonderful, and, ever watchful, Sonya never seemed to sleep.
Sonya had the maid’s room by the kitchen. The boys shared the large bedroom, which had a bathroom with a shower, and Mido got her own room beside the master bedroom.
Helen didn’t want to miss anything whenever she was awake, so the rented hospital bed was placed in the living room.
John slept alone in the master bedroom, but when he wasn’t asleep, he remained by Helen’s bedside to read to her and do chores.
He washed and folded laundry so well that he joked that if Shrimp Castle shut down, he had another career waiting for him.
As soon as his fall semester ended, DH arranged to have a shorter study period and to take his 1L exams early.
He flew home as soon as he could and never left his mother’s side.
Only he could get her to eat porridge or have sips of water when things got worse.
When Helen slept, he read casebooks to prepare for his second semester.
Helen wanted him to return to New York when classes began, and he told her he would but didn’t mean it, having already gotten permission from the dean if things turned for the worse.
“I want you to be my secretary,” she said one morning.
The house was empty. The morning nurse had just left, and the second nurse was running late. Bo and Mido were tutoring at Irvine, John was at Shrimp Castle in Garden Grove, and Sonya was at a meeting with a lawyer in Buena Park.
DH removed his blue hooded sweatshirt and tossed it on the sofa.
From the hallway closet, he retrieved three heavy knapsacks.
Helen had saved each of their JanSport knapsacks from middle school when they had become too worn out to carry any longer.
Bo’s was black, DH’s navy, and Mido’s green.
Inside each bag was the notebook Helen kept for that child.
“Can you get me my jewelry box?”
“Why, Mommy?”
Helen just smiled, and DH went upstairs to fetch the lacquered Korean jewelry box, no bigger than two cigar boxes.
“Open.” She gestured with her jaw.
“Find the pearl necklace and put that in Mido’s bag.”
DH opened the silk drawstring bag and placed the pearl necklace in Mido’s knapsack.
“The diamond engagement ring. That’s for Bo. He’ll get married first, I think.”
“Definitely,” DH said. “I’m not getting married anytime soon.”
He pulled out the diamond and platinum engagement ring in its velvet box. The diamond was a third of a carat but set in a way that made it look a bit bigger.
“Your daddy used every bit of his savings to buy me that ring.”
DH admired it. Even he knew it couldn’t have cost very much. He tucked the box into the black knapsack for Bo.
“The Swiss watch. It’s fourteen-karat gold.
That’s for your wife,” Helen said, admiring the small watch face on the thin brown leather band, which she’d bought as a replacement when she was still working in Sydney.
“Your daddy bought that for me the first time he went to New York. I don’t know if your wife will like it, but she’ll know it is from me. ”
“I don’t even have a girlfriend,” DH pointed out. He’d had two in college, and neither had worked out. In law school, he had decided to avoid all such entanglements until he was settled with a job.
“You will have a wonderful wife,” Helen said. “I will pray for that in heaven. I will be watching over you.”
“No, no,” he said. “Please don’t go.” DH bowed his head, unable to look at her, and when he opened his eyes, he saw that she had fallen asleep.
When Sonya returned from her meeting to relieve DH, she went to the powder room to wash her hands, then sent him to his room to get some rest.
“Sister,” Helen said, her voice soft. Sonya rushed to her side.
“Do you need the bedpan?”
Helen shook her head. “Sit, please,” she said.
Sonya sat on the twin bed beside Helen’s.
There had been no time to buy more furniture than whatever they’d had in the apartment, and John had pleaded with Sonya not to spend any more money.
There were no rugs on the floor or pictures on the walls, and again, they were starting all over without any additional decorations or furnishings.
The first floor, which functioned as both a living and a dining area, was furnished with a long sofa, dining table, and television.
Helen’s hospital bed and Sonya’s bed were set up beside the dining table.
“I don’t feel well,” Helen said. “I don’t want to worry the children anymore. Before Bo and Mido come home, I want to talk to you.”
Sonya patted her sister’s thin arm, covering her up to her shoulder with the blanket.
“I know you’ve been unhappy with things at home. You always say you’re fine, but I know things have been difficult. I worry that no one will take care of you, my sister, the one who takes care of everyone. I’m sorry to have been such a burden to you. You’ve always—”
“Hush, you should rest.”
“Will you call Kenny for me? I want to talk to him. Just in case.”
Sonya dialed their brother, who had already booked a flight.
Kenny recognized her voice and started crying.
“I’ll be there on Monday. Please wait for me.”
“I wish I could see your face, Kenny, but I’m afraid that I might not be here.”
“I’m going to try to change my ticket for tomorrow. I don’t care if I get fired,” he said.
“No, no. You have to take care of your family.”
“Noona.”
“Don’t cry, dear Kenny. I wanted to hear your voice because I’m so tired. Everything hurts. I’m trying not to complain. Our big sister is working every single minute to take care of everyone. It would be easier for me if I could go.”
Sonya shook her head back and forth, unable to speak.
“If I’m not here when you get here, will you do something for me?”
“Don’t say that. Noona, please don’t say that. Please.”
“Will you make sure that our sister is okay? When I’m gone, you have to check in on her and see if she is okay. Umma and Appa were never able to do much for us, so it’s just us, right?”
“Please. Please don’t—”
“Kenny, I’m so proud of you. You made a good life for you and your beautiful children. When we were in Sydney, you took such good care of us. I’m sorry for not taking better care of you.”
“Noona, I promise to do everything I can. I promise. Please wait for me.”
Helen handed the phone to Sonya.
“Kenny, I better let her rest. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Sonya put down the receiver and turned to chide Helen but saw that her sister was asleep again, her breathing steady.
Late that evening, when everyone was home, the family gathered around Helen. John was seated on the sofa, and the children sat on the wooden dining chairs arranged by the bed. Sonya sat on the edge of the bed and massaged Helen’s calves.
Propped up with three pillows, Helen admired her family. All day, she’d been thinking of what she wanted to say, and she worried she could never get through it all.
Ever since the trip to the emergency room and the first scan, her odyssey had taken another turn, mocking all her well-organized plans. Nevertheless, her boys were getting their education, and after they were done, Mido would return to school and get hers, too.
She felt terrible for her husband, but in her time here, she’d found that she admired him far more than when he had graduated from Seoul National and gotten a good job right away.
He had been mistreated, but he was still a good man.
A minister had told them at their wedding service that in a marriage, your spouse should make you grow closer to God, and John had done this.
He had tried to see the better nature in a person, and he had done this whenever she couldn’t.
“When the Lord calls for me—” She began to cough and couldn’t finish.
DH was the first to take his mother’s hand.
“Thank you for being our mother.”
Bo and Mido sat silently, grateful that DH could say this for them.
John smiled. “Our baby lawyer, DH, is speaking for us.”
“It hurts when I laugh,” Helen said.
Mido couldn’t speak. She had never seen a person die, and she could not have imagined that the person who always seemed tireless could transform into this shadowy frame before her eyes. She was near her mother’s feet, and she held them in her hands.
“Children,” Helen said. “I will miss your graduations, your weddings, and the births of your children. I will not be here to take care of your wonderful father, who has been my guardian angel. But I want you to know that in heaven, your mother will ask the Lord to protect you and watch over you every single day. Maybe the Lord will take pity on me for missing so many valuable things with you that He will have to listen to me. I don’t know why I have to go, but I believe God is fair. ”
Bo got up from his seat and put his arms around her.
“Bless us, Umma.”
Helen reached for her children.
“I will ask God. I will argue with Him. I will ask the Lord for satisfaction for cutting short my life. The Bible says that God likes a wise servant, so I will plead for him to take my life in exchange for the protection of my family.”
Sonya stroked her sister’s wasted legs while John and the children held her body.
Helen faded and fell asleep again, her breath uneven. No one wanted to leave her side for fear that they’d miss her, but John told everyone to go to bed. He would keep watch.