Chapter 38 – Alejandro
Chapter
Thirty-Eight
ALEJANDRO
Ilie in the dark listening to the sound of my own heartbeat pounding in my ears. I see her face every time I close my eyes.
“Do you regret marrying me?”
No. Not even for a heartbeat. So why didn’t I tell her that? Why did I just sit there and let her believe that?
Because I am a selfish cabrón. Because loving her makes me feel exposed. I worry about her every second of every day. The idea that someone might hurt her because of me makes me feel like I constantly have a knife to my heart, waiting to be twisted.
Perhaps I was cruel to her because I wanted her to have some idea of how that feels, the fear I live with every single day.
The pain that even considering losing her causes me.
I still have no idea who was behind my father’s attempted murder, and the fact that some madman is out there with a desire to hurt my family terrifies me.
Guilt, shame, and anger eat me up day and night.
I took it all out on the one person I love more than anything else in the world.
Ironically, the one person I am most terrified of losing.
I should have followed her up to our room.
I should have pulled off her clothes, pinned her to the bed and buried myself in her.
We should have fought, screamed, yelled, and cursed, but then soothed it all away with spectacular sex.
That’s the way we always resolve our issues.
That is what grounds me, binds us together.
I love her, I want her, and I need her. So why the hell am I lying alone in bed halfway across the city?
Even my cock is weeping for her. I reach down and wrap my fist around my shaft, squeezing tightly for some relief. Wishing it was her hands on me. Wishing that it was her tight, hot pussy squeezing me instead of my own hand.
I close my eyes and picture her lying in bed.
Is she thinking about me too? Touching herself in those places that belong to me?
I move my hand up and down, stroking my length as I remember how sweet she tastes.
How she is always willing to let me do anything I want to her.
No matter how hard or rough, or how often I fuck her, she always takes it all.
Not just takes it, loves it. My filthy little princesa.
My chest burns as I keep pumping my shaft, imagining it was her.
When I finally find my release, I shout her name into the darkness. I’m a goddamn fool. I created that row when there was no need for it. She wanted to help, and I rejected her.
She was right about one thing though. I do need to sleep. I’ve been running on fumes for too long now, and I need to be on top of my game.
Tomorrow, I promise myself, I will go back home. I will make it all right between us.