Chapter Fourteen #4
“What was wrong with Lord Methven tonight?” Mairi said as she helped Lucy into the nightgown that Isobel had left warming by the fire.
“I don’t know,” Lucy said shortly. She was tired and apprehensive, aching from the tension and strain of the day.
“I don’t know him well enough to know what was wrong.
” She wished she had asked Isobel what was going on, but at the same time she did not want the landlady to realize how little she knew. It felt humiliating.
“It was the mention of Golden Isle that changed him,” Mairi was saying. She appeared not to have heard Lucy or noticed the note of apprehension in her voice. “He was perfectly at ease before that, but it was clear that he did not wish to go there—”
“Why do you not ask Mr. Rutherford?” Lucy interrupted. “He will know.”
That got Mairi’s attention. “I’d not give Jack Rutherford the time of day,” she said sharply.
“What on earth can he have done to upset you?” Lucy said, eyeing her sister’s face. “He seems very charming and he is as handsome as sin—”
“He’s too handsome for his own good,” Mairi said. She was folding Lucy’s gown with such sharp jerky gestures that Lucy was afraid the delicate muslin might tear. “He certainly knows it. Arrogant pig!”
“Oh dear,” Lucy said, trying to stifle a smile. “You really do not like him.”
“I loathe him,” Mairi snapped. “I’ll be glad to see the back of him tomorrow. I’m going back to Edinburgh. I assume you’ll be going to Methven?”
“I don’t know,” Lucy said. Her stomach felt suddenly hollow with longing for her old life. “I don’t know where we are going,” she said slowly, “or even if we will have a wedding tour. It has all happened so quickly.”
Mairi sat down on the end of the bed. “I suppose this is the moment when I should give you some maternal advice,” she said.
“Maternal— Oh!” Lucy could feel herself blushing. “Please don’t feel you have to advise me,” she said awkwardly.
Mairi’s expression cleared. “Oh, well, if you have already done it—”
“We haven’t,” Lucy said shortly. “That is I... We... It’s a marriage in name only.”
Mairi’s eyebrows shot up into her hair. “You are teasing me.”
Lucy frowned. “Why would I do that?”
“Because...” Mairi stopped, took a deep breath. “Because Methven looks at you as though he cannot wait to bed you,” she said bluntly. “That’s why.”
Lucy’s blush spread downward. She felt very hot. She did not want to have to explain the details to Mairi.
“We don’t know each other well,” she said instead.
Mairi covered her hand with her own. “I understand,” she said, although clearly she did not. “But in time... Well, he will want an heir....”
Lucy nodded. “In time.” Now, though, with the vast expanse of the empty bed beckoning to her, she could not imagine a time when she would feel ready for that.
“If he’s gentle with you it will not be so bad the first time,” Mairi said.
“It may hurt a little and you might not like it much, but if it gets too bad try to think about something else—Scottish country dancing, or the bagpipes, or what color wall hangings you would like when you refurnish Methven Castle—”
“You’re not helping,” Lucy said, interrupting her.
Mairi frowned. “I’m trying to help. I was going to say that it is certain to get better and by then you will be pregnant anyway....”
Lucy shivered, crossing her arms over her chest. Mairi went over to the window and pulled it closed.
“There is a chill in the air tonight,” she said. “Get into bed. Everything will be fine.”
Mairi tucked her in, kissed her cheek and then stood back, looking suddenly uncertain. “Would you like me to wait with you?”
“No, thank you,” Lucy said hastily. Then as she saw Mairi’s face fall she realized that she had been a bit abrupt and caught her sister’s hand. “I am so grateful you came to the wedding,” she said softly, hoping her sincerity could bridge the gap with her sister. “It made all the difference to me.”
Mairi’s expression lit with a smile. She squeezed Lucy’s hand. “I expect you were missing Alice today,” she said. “I know I’m not the same, that we have never been as close—”
Lucy shook her head quickly, silencing her. “I’m lucky to have you,” she said.
Mairi gave her a quick hug and went out and Lucy sat there in the sudden quiet.
The party had resumed down in the hall. She could hear the music and the roar of voices.
She had no idea how long Robert would be.
She supposed he would have to visit her room for appearances’ sake even if he had no intention of staying with her tonight.
Suddenly she felt restless and lonely and so unsure.
She went across to the Armada chest and rummaged among the petticoats and bodices, her fingers closing around the hard cold shape of the pot of pennyroyal tincture. She should take it, just to be sure, just to be safe.
Yet Robert had said that she had nothing to fear and some instinct, deeper and more stubborn than the fear, made her want to trust him.
She knelt there until her legs were cold and aching and then slowly she put the pot back in its hiding place in the chest and straightening up, closed the lid.