Chapter 31
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Ian stepped inside Jackson’s, his mind clearly not in the right place.
It felt as if everything that had been happening in the last few days was finally taking a toll on him, and he couldn’t tolerate it any longer.
He knew that he needed to let out the slowly rising mountain of frustration inside his brain, and boxing was the perfect way to do it.
Physical exercise always helped him ease his mind.
“The Marquess of Ilenshire decided to show up at last?” A very familiar voice greeted him from behind, and Ian turned around to find George standing in front of him.
George was an old friend that Ian had met when he had first started coming to Jackson’s during his youth.
George was roughly five or six years older than him.
“The Marquess of Ilenshire? Since when do you address me by my title?” Ian asked, smiling slightly. He was glad that George’s presence was already making him forget about his montage of problems.
“Since you disappeared for three years without any word,” George replied sarcastically, and Ian visibly grimaced.
He had offended too many people by suddenly leaving London, and George was one of them.
Ian knew that he had no idea about what had happened at that time ago, but that was no excuse. His actions had been careless.
“I deserved that,” Ian replied before laughing. He relaxed a little when George joined in the laughter, indicating that he wasn’t really angry with Ian. It was good to know that he had a friend, someone he could trust in this largely unpredictable scenario unfolding around him.
“I left a boxing match when I saw you enter. I will return to it. Meanwhile, you can pound a sandbag. I’ll come meet you shortly,” George said and Ian nodded in agreement.
He watched as George turned around to leave while he walked to the corner of the cavernous space where a lone sandbag was hanging.
Ian stripped out of his morning coat and prepared himself for the exercise.
He had not practiced for years, and despite having been in a few brawls and skirmishes over the past years, he needed to brush up on his skills.
Right now, he simply needed to focus on letting out the sea of frustrations that was residing within his heart and mind.
He had hardly slept at all last night and was already tired after just a few initial punches.
However, he had no intention of stopping.
He needed to rid his mind of the thoughts that were consuming him.
He had shared a beautiful evening with Esther and found himself thinking about her endlessly.
Her smile, her laughter, the way she talked, the way she scrunched up her eyebrows when perplexed, her movements as they danced, her kind nature, and absolutely every single thing about her excited him.
He couldn’t deny the fact that he loved all of it.
He had feelings for Esther, feelings that ran deep, feelings that simply couldn’t be denied or ignored any longer.
Ian had bedded countless women during his roguish phase, but they had all been the same to him.
Beautiful yet vacuous. They lacked intellect and couldn’t hold a conversation unless it was about dresses or parties.
Esther was unlike all of them. Not only was she not vain and clueless like many other young ladies of the ton.
She was a mesmerizing force within herself and always made Ian feel complete.
When he was with her, his thoughts never strayed because she was so interesting.
He could focus on nothing and no one else when Esther was with him, and the fact was perplexing.
He couldn’t deny that she was all-consuming and Ian loved her company a little too much.
What Ian found particularly unsettling was how she was forcing him to question his lifestyle.
Before he had met Esther, he had only wanted to find a wife who would give him an heir and leave him alone to attend dubious parties and keep mistresses.
But now, Esther was making him question it all.
He wanted to give up his roguish ways and devote himself to her entirely.
He could never imagine hurting her or being away from her at all.
She was the woman of his dreams, and Ian wanted to make that dream come true.
Ian knew he needed her beside him for good.
“Well, the way you are pounding that boxing bag, it seems that the matter is severe. Is it a young lady, My Lord?” George’s amused voice forced him to stop mid-punch and rest his head on the sandbag as he held it.
He breathed deeply, suddenly realizing how hard he had been hitting it.
The exercise made him feel considerably better.
“I would love to pound you the exact same way, George, or are you too scared to face me?” Ian turned to look at his friend, who stood just behind him.
“Me, scared of you? I can beat you to a pulp in two seconds flat, but if I ruin that pretty face of yours, that young woman you are so frustrated about might hate me forever,” George joked again.
“There is no young woman.” Ian lied, knowing that he hardly sounded convincing.
“At least try to sound like you mean it,” George replied, laughing. He led the way towards the ring, and Ian followed quietly behind. He knew he was in no way prepared for a match with George but perhaps getting beaten by him would help set his mind straight.
“Just get ready to be very, very hurt in the next few minutes,” Ian threatened vaguely, knowing perfectly well that even George knew nothing of that sort was going to happen. Despite that, George only smiled without replying as the two men settled into position.
Ian lunged forward immediately, completely defying all the lessons on tactic and finding your momentum before attacking.
George being a seasoned fighter, ducked, actively blocking Ian, and taking advantage of his weakened stance to land a solid punch on his stomach.
This went on for about ten minutes, and Ian couldn’t score one solid hit as George continually did.
“Stop. I know that you are out of practice, but even then, you are usually a better fighter than this. What is the problem?” George asked, staring at Ian pointedly.
“You were right, of course. It is a woman,” Ian replied with a sigh before sitting down in the middle of the ring.
“Are you in love, Lord Gilbert?” George asked with a laugh as he sat down beside Ian. The two were talking in hushed whispers so that no one around them could listen in to their conversation.
“Something like that,” Ian replied, not knowing himself. The word love scared him now. He had been in love with Lisa, and he look where that had led him. Last night had brought back every single one of those agonizing memories he had set aside. Everything he had wished to forget.
“You have a lost expression on your face Ian, you are troubled about something.” George’s voice brought him back, and Ian smiled. He knew he was troubled, and his ailment had no cure.
“I am lost George, and this time it feels as if I won’t be able to find my way back,” Ian replied, feeling glum. His heart was burdened, and he needed to find an outlet.
“Lost how? Ian, where did you disappear three years ago? It is unlike you to stay away from London for this long.” George asked, sounding worried. Ian knew that he was a true friend and actually cared about him.
“You really don’t know? Were there no rumors?” Ian asked, still not believing that no one had found out.
“Nothing at all. There were whispers about you becoming a first-class rake, but nothing more,” George said, sounding hesitant.
“Well, I can assure you all that is true,” Ian replied, not shying away from accepting the truth. There was no point in keeping the details from George when half of the ton knew all of it anyway.
Maybe telling George would somehow ease my troubles.
“You remember Adam?” Ian asked. George knew his brother. Adam and Ian used to come to Jackson’s together when things were right between them.
“Of course,” George replied immediately.
“Three years ago, he fell in love with the woman I was courting and had lost my heart to. The lady fell in love with him too, and they married. I left London immediately once he told me.” He turned to look away, not wanting to meet his gaze.
He knew he would only see pity in his eyes, and he needed anything but that.
To his utter dismay, George started laughing loudly. Ian looked at him dumbfounded, not knowing what had suddenly overtaken him.
“You are laughing over my misery?” Ian asked, his eyes wide, though George’s infectious laughter forced him to join in.
“I am not laughing over your misery, my friend,” George finally said, wiping at the corners of his eyes.
“So what was this?” Ian questioned, sitting back up straight.
“Ian, I strongly believe that matches are made in heaven. If that woman was meant for you, you would have married her eventually. If that didn’t happen, it simply means that it wasn’t meant to happen,” George said, and Ian sucked in a sharp breath.
He had never thought about that being a possibility and didn’t know what to make of it.
Ian looked at him with a confused expression, at a loss for words.
“Ian, tell me this, the woman you mentioned earlier, is it your brother’s wife?” George asked.
“No!” Ian cried almost immediately, and George smiled at him.
“If you were truly in love with your sister-in-law then you would still be in love with her now. Love doesn’t fade Ian, it only progresses.
Look into your heart deeply and find out what love truly means for you and who are you actually in love with.
The answer is not far from here,” George said, lightly tapping his index finger on Ian’s chest. Ian felt George’s words hitting him somewhere deep inside his heart, forcing him to tread in a direction he had never stepped before.
A place that made Ian feel as if all the world’s weight was suddenly on his shoulders.
When Ian headed home he was still confused but knew one thing for sure, that the incident three years ago no longer held any significance in his life.
Ian wasn’t sure if he loved Esther or not, but the one thing he knew was that it was time to move on with his life. He couldn’t allow his past to hold him back any longer. It was time to meet Lord Hathershire to formally ask him for Esther’s hand in marriage.