Chapter 11 #2
They were holding eye contact, both desperate to see the reactions to those words. “I see now that ye truly are doing what ye believe to be best for yer people. And I ken ye’ll continue to do so, even when marriage makes me one of those people.”
She took a deep breath before continuing, her heart pounding painfully in her chest. It was like she had finally taken the lid off her bottled-up thoughts and emotions and there was no putting it back on. While she was being vulnerable, she was going to get it all out.
“With this, however, I cannae lie and say it’s totally selfless.
I hope that now ye will start to see me for who I am.
That I’m no longer someone who stands by and watches people as they burn.
I’m… I’m trying to be stronger, to no longer live in fear and passive complicity.
I’ll step in to be true to my beliefs and heart. I swear it.”
There was no decoding the expression on Hunter’s face right then. He looked pained but she couldn’t tell if it was from his physical condition, annoyance, or something else. “What do ye mean that ye lived in fear?”
His voice was quiet and even. She wasn’t used to him being so gentle with her, at least not anymore.
Kira stared down at her hands, wringing them together nervously.
There were so many wounds that she carried silently for all that time, and it felt…
conflicting to tell him. Part of her worried he would view it as an excuse or lies, but she would never know what he thought until she finally came out with it.
“My faither is nae just a cruel man in politics and business. He is at home as well,” she began, her voice hardly above a squeak.
“He wouldn’t ever hit me for discipline, as he said he wouldn’t decrease the value of his assets…
” Her throat ran dry and tears pressed against the backs of her eyes.
“But he had his ways of inspiring obedience. Whether it was isolation, meals withheld… Or his favorite punishment, locking me in a wardrobe for hours, sometimes days.”
Kira picked at the skin around her finger nails.
“I was terrified of him, of what he was capable of. Yer faither was a business partner, a friend, and my faither killed and burned him for it. I was terrified of what would happen to me if I stepped in, especially when I kenned the price to pay for so much as speaking out of turn at supper when visiting friends and family.”
She shook her head but still didn’t look up from her hands. “I ken now that silence was selfish and cowardly. I should have done something, anything but just stand there. And I’ll repent for my lack of action my entire life, and whatever awaits me beyond.”
The silence was thick and long and painful. She had never spoken aloud about the night of Hunter’s parents’ murder, it felt wrong and sinful to do so. But he had to know. It was the insurmountable wall between them that would always be there, but they had to at least address it.
“Is that why ye dinnae run away today? Because ye fear yer faither?”
Kira scoffed and wiped tears from her eyes before they could fall. “Even if I had decided to run, I would never return to my faither. I’d rather live on the street as a beggar than return to Fairbairn Keep.”
“Then why did ye stay?”
At last, she peered at him and her breath caught in her throat.
The emotion etched into his features, the gleam in his eyes…
It was like looking at the Hunter she used to know.
The one that let her borrow books from the Galbraith library behind her father’s back, who lent her his cloak for warmth when they ventured too long in the snow—the one she had fallen in love with all over again each time she visited.
“Do ye believe me? Of what I’ve said?” she asked.
“That does nae answer my question, Kira.”
“Answer mine first,” she said, adamant.
Hunter sighed and rubbed at his eyes. “I dinnae ken anymore. Maybe. But I dinnae.”
“Then why marry me if ye dinnae trust me? Why nae hand me back to my faither and spread word that I’m merely a runaway bride from Laird Barclay?
That I’m some unwanted lover who came here of my own accord and that ye’re casting me away because ye refuse to make ties with Laird Fairbairn.
It’d strengthen yer political standing and ye’d be rid of me. ”
“Why won’t ye tell me why ye dinnae run away?” he countered.
They stared at one another, the unanswered questions hanging in the air around them like fog. Neither of them spoke, and she suspected it was because neither was ready to admit those truths aloud, even if they were both hungry for the answers.
After a while, Hunter sighed and laid his arm over his forehead. “Very well. Since ye’re willing to submit to the marriage, ye have access to the Keep. Guards will nae follow yer every step. But stay indoors unless a guard is with ye.”
She knew it wasn’t him threatening her, it was a warning. The Captain of the Fairbairn Clan had nearly managed to take her that day, and he would have had her had it not been for Hunter.
“Thank ye,” she muttered.
“Now, go on. I’m sure Edine is worried sick right now.”
Kira stood but hesitated as she stared down at him. It felt like she should touch him, kiss his forehead, or something. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it.
If he rejected such simple affection, she wasn’t sure her tender heart could bear it.