Chapter 28
This couldn’t be happening.
Emily stretched her arms out around her to attempt to ease some of the tension from last night’s activities, only to be met with cold bedsheets.
Her fingers reached out and patted the mattress for any hint that Kaden was still in the bed with her, like he had said he would be.
She had truly thought that this was going to be the moment he trusted her, that he would finally allow himself to get closer to her.
In her mind, there was absolutely nothing so important that he needed to leave her while the sun had barely even started to rise in the sky.
She knew very well what time they had breakfast every morning, and it would still be a good while yet, no matter how early the castle woke.
She even stretched out her legs, as if that would somehow make him appear on the edge of the bed, sitting in the pensive way he tended to get.
She quickly slipped out of bed into the cool morning air and reached for the closest dress that she could find. It was somewhat awkward, attempting to get dressed in the dark, but she managed fairly quickly. Then, she pulled a warm shawl around her shoulders.
Maggie was pawing at the door to be let in, so Emily cracked it open. Maggie bounded inside, her tail wagging. It was a mixed blessing that she was so comfortable finding her way around the castle now.
Emily almost followed after her, but she paused at the last moment to check the door that connected hers and Kaden’s room. She walked over slowly, almost anxious about whether or not he was in there. If he had left her just to go to his own bed, she wasn’t sure exactly what she was going to do.
She knocked and waited, but there was no answer. Another moment, and she slowly pushed the door open.
“Kaden?” she whispered, but only the darkness answered her.
She didn’t know if that made her feel better or worse.
Pressing her lips together firmly, she wrapped her arms around herself and headed out of the room toward the sounds of life. Which was usually the servants’ hall and the kitchens, this early in the morning.
The sounds of laughter guided her feet toward the kitchens.
But when she recognized the voices, she paused before entering the room.
She had only heard Kaden laughing once before, but it was a sound that she was going to commit to memory.
It had felt like such a rare thing, and she had felt so special for coaxing it from him, but now… ?
She crept around the door so that she could see inside better and spotted him with the same maid from the library—Shona. Before seeing them together, Emily couldn’t even say that she had ever noticed the woman, but now she was attuned to her. She couldn’t stop watching her in her duties.
Was it going to be like this now? Keeping his bed warm at night until he could steal away to be with a woman who actually held his attention?
She knew good and well that he had said there was nothing between them. Kaden had gone to such lengths to prove it to her, and yet jealousy reared its ugly head again.
Even if she had given herself to him last night, in the way that a wife was supposed to, would the outcome of this morning have changed?
Her mother had always warned her that a wife who couldn’t keep her husband’s attention was doomed to have to endure another woman in their bed, and Emily hadn’t ever taken it seriously, not like this.
She hadn’t thought that this would ever be her.
She chewed on the inside of her cheek, hoping that it would change and that she was reading too much into it. But their conversation sounded too intimate. They were sitting too close to one another.
Emily pulled away, her back flattening against the cool stone wall as she tried to steady her breathing. She wasn’t going to compete with another woman. She wasn’t going to have to earn a place that should have just been given to her.
She turned to leave before either one of them could notice her presence.
Despite her brisk pace, she wasn’t able to make it back to her room before being intercepted by Freya and Skye, who were heading down to breakfast.
Freya paused, her spine stiffening as it often did. Skye, on the other hand, perked up and waved enthusiastically, before bounding over.
Emily knew that it would be best to stay and speak with them, but the knot in her chest wouldn’t loosen, and she didn’t think that she had it in her to converse with them.
“Good morning, Sister!” Skye greeted, grabbing her hands and spinning in place with her. “How are ye? First morning as a married woman!”
Emily tried to appear excited, or content, or anything other than annoyed and hurt. “It is. I imagine there are still a great deal of things left for me to learn.”
Freya stepped forward to join them. “Aye, I imagine Maither will take great joy in teaching ye all about the ways to support the Laird.”
Emily wanted to tell her that she would have been perfectly happy being a laird herself, but that would get her nowhere. “Perhaps someday ye will have lairds of yer own to support.”
Freya’s eyes narrowed at that, like she was unsure what Emily’s meaning was but considered it some sort of insult all the same.
Skye giggled. “Perhaps. I daenae care if I marry a laird. I just want a kind man who has a good cook!”
“A good cook has nay bearing on whether or nae a man will be a decent husband, Skye,” Freya chastised.
“I ken that well enough, but I have me priorities. A lot of character flaws can be easily overlooked with a good cake or two.” Skye giggled again. “Do ye nae agree?”
It was hard not to feel more upbeat with her around. She was just such a bright light.
“I suppose ye have a point,” Emily relented.
Skye looked positively triumphant. “See? At least our new sister kens what I’m talking about!”
Freya’s expression didn’t change; it stayed generally disapproving of Emily. “I wasnae sure that ye would actually make it down the aisle, so I suppose there will be a good number of things that I shall need to properly learn about ye as well.”
Emily nodded once, unsure of what that meant.
“And ye will have to make an effort to learn about our family and our clan, as well,” Freya continued.
Emily understood that Freya wanted her to put in more effort. Would she be allowed to pick their brains to learn more about their brother though? Would they even know anything more than what he had already told her in the first place?
Other than recounting stories of his childhood, weren’t they all in the same boat when it came to learning more about Kaden?
No, she was here for another reason, and now she was allowing thoughts of Kaden to ruin her morning.
She slowly extricated her arm from Skye’s with a rueful smile. “I daenae mean to cut this short, but there is something that I must attend to. I shall certainly see ye all for tea?”
She quickly excused herself before Freya could finish whatever comment she was about to make.
“I daenae ken if this is something that can wait, actually,” Freya called as she took one step forward.
There was no time for this. Emily felt that she was only a few moments away from bursting into tears, and attempting to navigate this conversation was something she didn’t have the capacity for.
“Every time I try to speak with ye, ye scurry away. When will be a good time if nae now?” Freya insisted.
Emily shifted her weight from one foot to the other and then nodded. “I really can only spare a moment.” She took Freya’s elbow and pulled her to the side. Once they had a modicum of privacy, she admitted, “In truth, I did have something that I wished to ask ye as well.”
Freya looked taken aback. “Ye do?”
Emily nodded.
“Well, go ahead.” Freya clasped her hands in front of her expectantly.
“I just daenae understand how ye can be so insistent to speak with me and also so cold and standoffish every time we encounter one another.” Emily could barely keep eye contact when she said it.
She hoped that Freya wouldn’t take offense at her words, as that was not her intention, but she simply didn’t understand what could be so pressing.
Freya took a moment to consider her words. “I wanted to take yer measure to ken what sort of woman me braither was marrying. As ye can imagine, I am very protective of him.”
“I daenae think he needs yer protection. He is capable of making his own choices,” Emily argued.
“And yet, sometimes men can be blind when they are in love.”
Emily scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest. The scene that she had witnessed in the kitchens flashed before her eyes, and she shook her head. “Well, ye have nothing to worry about.”
“And I have yer word on that?”
Emily understood the apprehension, but she couldn’t change what was happening.
“Ye have me word that Kaden has found his love,” she answered.
It simply wasn’t her. It was somebody who had been here under their nose the whole time.
“Now, if ye will excuse me,” she added, with as much kindness as she could muster.
Emily wanted nothing more than to bury herself in her book and finish her notes.
She hadn’t even given herself time to properly go through the books they had purchased.
All she wanted was to visit the village again.
She just wanted to go back there because that was the last time she hadn’t felt so unsure about herself.
She needed to worry more about herself, not this growing obsession with her husband.
Husband. Would that word ever feel right in her mouth?
She hurried to her room, anything to get her mind off him for even just a little while. She couldn’t allow him or his actions to dictate how her days went.
Today marked the first of the year that she had stipulated, and she needed to get as much done as possible.