Chapter 31
The night after the luau, Danika dreamed of Trey. Even with the alcohol swirling in her head, the dream was vivid and bright,
an inverse to the dark places her mind usually went when she was at her lowest. Still, the memories were fleeting, teasing.
There was the smell of fresh-cut grass, the gentle intonation of his voice. The day they drove to Millie Lacs Lake, stretched
out on a blanket under the blue sky, kissed for the first time. Then, there were trips to the library; dinners with his parents;
road trips to Canada; swimming at the local pool; drinking wine coolers and laughing more than she had in her life.
There was hockey, too—always hockey. The chilled, massive ice rinks; the way her fingers went numb as she cheered his name
from behind scratched plexiglass. The way she wore Trey’s jersey like a badge of honor.
Danika had learned to skate with him, out on the pond up north. She’d cherished twirling in the freezing Minnesota woods,
the air so cold, her breath puffed out of her mouth in small gray clouds, like blowing the seeds of a dandelion. Those nights,
gliding across the ice, she’d never felt more loved. It had evened out the loss of her father, in a way. With Trey, she felt
whole.
Finally, there was Riga, Latvia. Their small attic apartment; the sweet, cobblestoned city. A shining amber necklace.
As if her mind knew when to stop to preserve these gifts, she woke suddenly. She didn’t needed to face the end—the night,
heartbroken, she’d left.
Danika felt disoriented as she awoke to the pale morning light, the world washed out around her. She scooted up against her
pillows, her throat like sandpaper as she swallowed and noticed Bill next to her. He’d pulled a chair to her bed. His face
was swollen and red, his hand bandaged and resting on his knee.
He reached for a water glass from the bedside table and handed it to her. She took a long, cool sip, the water so refreshing
it felt holy.
“Danika.” Bill sounded as weak as the light.
She clutched the glass tighter, remembering the night before. As if he could see her thoughts, he let his head fall down into
his hands.
“I never meant for this to happen.” He looked up at her, tears in the corners of his eyes. Danika realized that in all their
years together, she’d never seen him cry. This thought jolted her awake.
“I’ve only ever wanted to build our family. To support you and the boys.”
He continued from there, explaining how everything had started, hesitating before saying that he’d never wanted to accept
he was attracted to men.
“You know my parents, my family. One can only imagine how they’d react. How they will react, when I tell them.”
Bill kept talking as if searching for penance, explaining how one night after a golf event, he and Wyatt had gone for drinks with Joshua Mike.
The whole group was going out bar crawling, and eventually, they ended up at a swingers club.
Bill said Joshua Mike had tricked the group into going—he thought it was hilarious.
“I was livid,” Bill continued, “but Wyatt convinced me to stay for a drink, and we got to talking as everyone paired off.
It was an awful place, and I should have left right away, but we kept talking, and my cab was taking forever. We realized
how much we had in common. Far more than golf . . .” He forced a small, pained smile. “I don’t mean to make excuses. I need
to own my actions, but I also want you to understand. I never meant to hurt you.”
Bill sighed and rubbed his chin, his rare morning stubble.
“Abby, their friend, was there that night. She saw Wyatt and me together. I think she inferred something was going on. Even
though nothing happened that night, I suppose we still had a connection. It wasn’t until the next day at Briar Ridge . . .
It feels insane to say, but Wyatt and I are right together. Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this, but it seems you’ve had
your own share of love lost. I’m hoping you can understand.”
Danika knew it would have been easier to hate him. To be angry, the scorned wife. But Bill looked so broken, and she felt
so broken, and she was so tired of fighting. She believed him. Plus, he was right: She had lost love. She did understand.
She’d been lying all these years, too.
“Bill.” Her voice was barely audible.
“You don’t have to explain,” he said, retreating. “Not if you don’t want to.”
She leaned back into her pillow. She only wished they had come clean earlier—that she’d told him about Trey earlier, that
she’d known about Wyatt. Everything made more sense now. The affair explained Bill’s hot-and-cold behavior this summer, his
passion and guilt conflicting. How had she missed it?
“Obviously the financial situation with the properties, and Joshua Mike, is a different issue. It all got so bad when he found out about Wyatt and me. He walked in on us one day.” He looked at his hands.
“But, Danika, I’m going to fix it. I promise you that.
I never should have caved to him. One way or another, I promise I’m going to fix it.
” He held his breath. “But I’m also going to be with Wyatt.
I have to. I’ll always be there for you and the boys.
I just have to choose him, too. I have to fix my life. ”
Danika felt a new, deep calm overtake her. She wasn’t sure who was more surprised, her or Bill, as she scrambled over the
bed, stood, and cradled his head in her arms, his tears soaking the front of her silk nightgown.