Chapter 20
TWENTY
PAIGE
“No one tells you when you go to college that your books are going to cost as much as your tuition,” I lament as Kinsley and I walk out of the campus bookstore. “Let’s drop these off in our cars and then grab a sandwich. I’m starving.”
“Deal.”
We cross the street and separate. I find my car, unload my books into the back seat, and lock it. Then I head up the sidewalk toward Kinsley’s car.
A gentle breeze brings scents of bread and spices from the nearby restaurants swirling around me. My stomach growls so loud that I don’t realize my phone has buzzed in my hand until I look down.
Marcie: Hey, I know I’ve been avoiding you, and I’m sorry. I completely screwed you over, and I’m sorry for that too. Like, more than you realize.
I stop walking.
Me: Thank you for the apology. Are you okay? I’m worried about you.
Marcie: Only you would worry about me after I got you kicked out of your house.
Me: I’m not happy about that, but I found a place to stay. It worked out. Your mom indicated that you were with her?
Marcie: Yeah. I got myself into some trouble. I should’ve asked for help from my parents or someone, but I didn’t. And I got in too deep to climb back out on my own.
What does that mean? My curiosity is piqued but asking her what she means feels wrong. If she wanted me to know, she’d tell me.
Me: So you’re safe now? It’s all okay?
Marcie: It will be okay. Yes, I’m safe. I just wanted to apologize to you. I feel awful. Truly.
Me: Reach out anytime and when you feel like it, let’s meet up for burritos. I think it’s my turn to pay. *winking emoji*
Marcie: You’re the best, Paige. Xo
“I feel like I weigh one hundred pounds less without all those damn books,” Kinsley says. “You’d think we’d have online course material at this point. I’m going to file a complaint with … someone.”
We start walking toward our favorite burger joint on campus.
“You do that.” I slide my phone back in my pocket and sigh. “I just heard from Marcie.”
Kinsley’s head whips to mine. “You did? What did she say?”
“She apologized.”
“As she should’ve.”
I frown. Kinsley, Marcie, and I were the three musketeers. It would feel natural to talk to Kinsley about our friends, but the nature of what Marcie shared with me was so personal.
“She just said she was safe,” I say, avoiding the rest of it. “And that she’d find me soon for burritos.”
“So she didn’t mention what the heck happened?”
“No. Not really.”
“Weird.”
We go inside the restaurant and seat ourselves by the window. The view overlooks the Greens, my favorite part of campus. It’s an expansive lawn with tall, towering trees. I love to sit under them and study on sunny days.
The server arrives. We wave off the menus and order our regular go-to lunches. Once she’s gone, Kinsley’s arms rest on the table. Her look is pointed.
“Okay,” she said. “Time to talk. You no-showed on me the other night and then completely avoided my calls and texts yesterday.”
“No,” I say, waggling a finger in her direction. “I texted you back.”
“And said, ‘can’t talk but can’t wait to see you tomorrow’ and a winking emoji. The winking emoji was the only reason I didn’t do a welfare check.”
I shift around in my seat as my cheeks begin to warm.
Kinsley’s mouth drops. “Oh, my …. Paige.” She narrows her eyes. “Paige.”
I don’t even try to hide the smile that stretches from ear to ear. “Yes.”
She squeals. “Okay. Tell me all of it.”
“Kins …”
“No, dammit. I want to know. Was it good? Did it hurt? What was he like? What does this mean?” She squeals again. “Is he as hot without clothes as I bet he is?”
So many things race through my mind that I don’t know where to start. I try to grab one of them to begin, but my friend is impatient.
“Paige!”
“Okay. Just calm down.” I laugh and relax back into the booth. “Was it good? No. It was … I mean, I don’t know what it’s like for most people, but I can’t imagine it being better than it was.”
Kinsley grins.
I shiver, just remembering the way he touched me, spoke to me—the way he took care of me.
“It was perfect, Kins.”
“I am so happy for you.”
“He was so gentle and went so slow. His level of attentiveness was just wow.” I lean back as the server sets our drinks in front of us. “Those Reddit people don’t know shit.”
“I had a feeling he would be like that. He walks around like a man who knows what he’s doing.”
“That he does.”
She sips her water. “So what now? What about the apartment?”
I take a drink—a long one—to buy myself some time. Honestly? I don’t know what happens now. Yes, Nate and I are a thing. A couple. I need to get used to saying that.
When I woke up this morning to Nate’s arm draped over my stomach and his head buried in the crook of my neck, I panicked. It was a shock to my system when I remembered that I am in a relationship.
All it took to calm me was Nate kissing my shoulder. I’m still a little scared about what this all means, but at the same time—it feels exactly right.
But does that mean I stay with him? He hasn’t implied that I’m welcome there for the next who knows how long. And what about Ryder? It’s only going to get more complicated to navigate our way around him and his needs.
“First, I haven’t heard anything about the apartment,” I say slowly, still working through the question. “So there’s that.”
“Will you move there if they call?”
I sigh. “I don’t know, Kinsley. Probably. I mean … yes.” I grab my water with both hands. “Of course, I will. Nate and I are a couple—”
“Officially?” Her eyes sparkle. “That’s freaking awesome.”
It is. I smile at her, my heart swelling in my chest. Because I have never, ever seen this face—such … joy—directed at me about one of my boyfriends. It’s as though I’ve finally chosen right, and my best friend is backing me completely. That feels good.
“But we aren’t at the point where I’m moving in with him. That would be crazy.”
She leans back in the booth. “But would it, though?”
“Yeah, Kins. It would.”
“It’s obviously working out for you. And I’m sure he loves having you there, being the big, strong, alpha male that I bet he is.” She grins wickedly. “It would be much more convenient to walk across the house to see him rather than driving across town.”
She’s right, but the idea of staying there indefinitely makes me itchy. My skin feels too tight when I think about taking things another step in that direction. It’s too much, too soon.
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” I say, happy to move the conversation along. “How was the date with Leo?”
She pauses long enough for the server to deliver our sandwiches. We thank her before she moves on to another table.
Kinsley picks up a fry. “It was fun. We drank and danced and went back to my place for a little nightcap, if you will.” She laughs. “It was an all-night cap and then a morning cap. He’s quite good in bed.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” I squirt ketchup on my plate to form the letter n. “Not sorry I missed it but glad you had fun all the same.”
“I bet you’re not. You were in bed with Nate. Well, I assume it was a bed.”
I nod.
“And that choice was a solid one because Griffin … that would’ve been self-sabotage at its finest,” she says with a laugh.
“Oh, crap. Why?”
“Let’s just say that I think he’s married and has a kid on the way by another woman whose last name he doesn’t know that he met on an airplane coming back from a bachelor party in Vegas.” She watches my reaction. “Yeah.”
I dip a fry into the ketchup. “Wow. Okay. That’s a lot to unpack.”
She laughs. “Just be glad you’re not the one trying to dig into those suitcases because they’re probably filled with bedbugs. And lice. And venereal diseases.”
“That’s such a shame. He was so cute.”
“Apparently, half the nation has thought that.”
I bite the end off my fry and contemplate Griffin. Why am I always drawn to guys like him?
Always, except for Nate.
For as long as I’ve known him, he’s felt like a shelter from the world. He’s protected me and supported me and put up with my shit.
Why does that scare me, while the troubled guys don’t?
I take another fry.
Because Nate will fight for me in more ways than one.
My stomach twists, and I set the fry down.
“You okay?” she asks.
“Yeah. It was the talk of venereal diseases. It grossed me out.” I take a drink. “Leo wasn’t at that bachelor party, was he?”
She laughs. “No. Thank God. I’m all for a good bachelor party, but this one sounds like it went off the rails. And not in a funny way like in The Hangover. In a he woke up and didn’t know where he was without his wallet and a fresh new tattoo kind of way.”
“How do you know this? Griffin just told you?”
“It’s funny what tequila will do to a man.”
“Trust me. I’ve seen a lot working at The Gold Room.”
She smirks. “How is that going to go—you bartending and getting hit on while Nate lurks in the back? I can’t see him taking that well.”
“We’ve been together now for like a day. I don’t have all the answers. I haven’t thought about it.”
“It could be super hot.”
Or super annoying. I think of the way he grabbed my hips from behind the last time I was at the bar. Okay, or super hot.
“We’ll see how it goes,” I say, wiping my hands with a napkin. “But speaking of work, I have to run by there and get my check. If I don’t get it in the bank today, I just might overdraw.”
“Now you’re speaking a language I can understand. I’m always right on the line. Every morning when I check my balance—it could go either way. It’s like bank roulette.”
I laugh. “I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be a trust fund baby. Oh! Speaking of wealth in buckets, did you know Mallory from Stretch is married to one of the Landrys?”
“Yeah.”
I just look at her, eyes bulging. “In a case of the small-world phenomenon, Nate’s brother is dating or married to a Landry, and they hang out at their farm—which is not a farm by any stretch of the imagination—sometimes. I went out there yesterday with Nate, and holy shit.”
“Mallory’s husband bought Stretch for her. She told me the story once. It was disgustingly romantic.”
I laugh as my phone buzzes in my purse. I grab it and look down.
Nate: Been thinking about you all day.
My body tingles as I read his text. I can hear his voice whispering those words in my ear. And, if I’m being honest with myself, I can feel them being written on my heart.
But I’m not going to be that honest with myself. Yet.