Chapter 35
THIRTY-FIVE
NATE
Don’t grab her.
Don’t cry.
Don’t drop the plate.
Speak, damn it!
She holds her hand over her mouth, covering the lips that I love to kiss. Her eyes are red and the skin beneath them dark. She stares at me in disbelief.
“You aren’t answering my texts, so I thought I’d come over,” I say gently, hoping my voice doesn’t shake. “Ryder was afraid you were hungry. He made you breakfast.”
I hold out a plate covered with tinfoil. She reaches for it slowly, almost as if she’s not sure if this is happening.
Her fingers brush against my hand. I move my fingers towards hers without thinking and hers feel like they’re going to lock on to mine. But they don’t.
She pulls the tinfoil back and looks at the pancake. There’s a heart on the top where the syrup that Ryder so carefully placed sank into the cooked batter.
Her lips press together, the plate shaking in her hands.
“Look, I don’t know what happened or why you took off. I have no fucking idea, Paige. But you said you love me and that’s all I really care about. That’s why I’m here.”
“Oh, Nate …”
Her words are thick with emotion and I want to reach for her so badly. I crave it. I need it.
I need it for me and I need it for her.
“I thought I was doing all right,” I say. “I thought I was loving you and taking care of you and giving you time to get comfortable. But if I didn’t get it—if I didn’t love you the way you need to be loved, then tell me so I can—”
“You love me just right.”
Tears fill her eyes but don’t fall.
“Did you do something then?” I ask. “Is there someone else?”
The thought of her being with another man makes me want to rage. The only thing that tempers the anger that flares instantly in my stomach is the small smile on her face.
“There will never be anyone else, I’m afraid,” she whispers.
The hope I’ve been fighting to hold on to—the hope I’ve been praying for—floods me. I’m afraid to say anything. I don’t dare move. I wait on her to expound.
“Do you want to come in?” she asks.
I nod and step inside.
She closes the door behind me. I look nowhere but at her. And as I see the fear lingering in her eyes, I make a decision that I should’ve made two days ago.
Change of plans.
“Here’s what’s happening,” I say, planting my feet in place. “I won’t let you ruin this for us. Not for me, not for Ryder, and not for you.”
Her eyes widen.
“I’ve already given you my heart and I won’t take it back,” I tell her. “Not now, not next year, not in ten years. All right?”
Paige doesn’t nod or speak or give me any indication that she understands. But I know she does. She understands exactly what I’m saying.
“I’m not a fortune teller than can show you some crystal ball and prove to you that we’ll be together until I die. All I can do is tell you that I am done. I am yours. You own me.”
She covers her mouth, her eyes narrowing as if she’s ready to cry.
I take a deep breath, ignoring the anxiety swelling inside me, and march on. Because it’s all I can do and, I won’t sit by another day and do nothing.
“I’m not rushing you,” I say. “I’m not asking you for anything. I will never hurry you to do anything that you don’t want to do because I have the next fifty years to wait, baby. And I will if that’s what it takes.”
Her hand falls to the side as a smile inches its way slowly across her face.
Thank God.
“Don’t cry,” I say. “There’s nothing to cry about. Take your time and come home when you’re ready. Ryder and I will be waiting.”
I turn to go when she stops me.
“Nate.”
I hold my breath, hoping for what feels like a miracle, and turn around.
She sets the pancake on a table by the door. Her hand trembles the whole time. Finally, she takes a breath, recentering herself.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t talk this out with you,” she says softly. “That wasn’t fair. Actually, it was rude.”
“Talk to me now. Remember, I can’t read your mind.”
We grin at each other, remembering the last time I told her that. The night she gave me her body.
“I went into your office the other day and walked on in like I always do, because I know no boundaries, and … I saw the rings on your computer.”
The rings?
What the hell is she talking about?
“I panicked. I’d had lunch with a friend and she’d gotten into my head because apparently, I’m not self-confident enough, despite the shit-talking I do, to … believe in me.” She smiles sadly. “This was never about you, Nate. This was always about me.”
“My boyfriend told me last night that he wants to propose to me and asked me to find a ring.”
Motherfucker.
“Can we back up and go back to the rings?”
She cringes. “I know things have been going fast between us and they’ve been great. So I understand why you might’ve thought I was ready to be engaged and that’s my fault if I put that vibe out but—”
“Hey, Paige,” I say, fighting a smile.
“What?”
“I’d marry you today. Right now. I’m there. But that ring you saw on my computer? That wasn’t for you.”
She lifts her brows.
“Kira’s boyfriend is proposing or something and, she and Shaye wanted to look at it on a bigger screen. So they came in and did whatever they were doing—driving me crazy, mostly—and I forgot to exit out of the website.”
It takes a minute for her to process what I said.
Her shoulders fall forward. Her jaw drops. Her eyes go wide.
I grin. “Communication is key.”
“Oh, my gosh. Are you telling me I’ve been freaking out for nothing?”
“Well, I wouldn’t say for nothing. Now I know to maybe never propose.”
She half-laughs, half-cries. “I’m so humiliated.”
I can’t help it. I laugh.
I laugh, even though she tried to ruin us. Even though she nearly killed me. Even though Ryder was heartbroken this morning.
I can do that because it’s okay. It’s going to be okay.
“What do I …” she stammers. “I don’t know what to say. I’m so embarrassed and you must think—”
“I can tell you what to do. And what to say. And I can share what I think.” My lips twitch. “But I’d really like to hear it from you.”
She pauses as if she’s not sure how to respond—like she actually needs to think about it. Is she for real right now?
“Paige, for fuck’s sake, I’m dying over here.”
She taps her chin with her fingertip as if she’s lost in thought. Little minx.
“Fine,” I say, completely over this. “You’re coming home. You tell me you love me. I think it’s terrible that you carry so much fear over being happy, but I will try for the rest of my life to make you believe in forever.”
She drops her hand and grins. “I was actually just thinking about make-up sex. I heard it’s the best and I was wondering if you were going to make love to me or fuck me hard in the—ah!”
I pick her up and toss her over my shoulder.
“That’s it. We’re going home,” I say, turning towards the door.
“My pancake! Don’t forget my pancake!”
I roll my eyes and move her closer to the plate.
“You take it. I can’t carry it upside down,” she says.
I slide her slowly down my front, chest to chest, and capture her mouth with mine on the way.
Having her in my arms again, where she belongs, reignites a fire inside me that burned out when she left.
“Oh, crap! I’m supposed to be waiting on a package for Hollis.”
“I think I am the package,” I say with a grin. “Now, what about your stuff?”
She smiles as she looks into my eyes. “We can come back.”
“Are you sure?”
“I have to show you how sorry I am,” she teases, dragging a finger down my chest.
“I’m pretty fucking hurt. It might take a long time.”
“Then we better get going.”
“Okay.”
I pick her up again. This time I hold her in my arms so I can see her face.
“You’re never leaving me again,” I tell her as we walk outside.
She closes the door behind us.
“I mean it,” I say. “You can go into the other bedroom or I’ll camp outside or whatever, but that’s it. You’re done running. That was your last hoorah.”
I open the truck door and deposit her on the seat. She grabs my face with both hands.
“I kind of need a favor,” she says, her eyes twinkling.
“Really? What’s that?”
“Will you ask me to marry you one day? Not soon. Not now. But someday when I’m ready?”
I grin so hard it hurts. “I promise.”
“Good.” She drops her hands from my face. “But I don’t need a big ring like that. I mean, come on. How is Kira even going to wear that on her finger? It was pretty, sure but …”
I close the door mid-sentence and chuckle.
My girl is back. And she’s here to stay.