Chapter 4
Sienna
I kept rereading Sasha’s message over and over again.
I knew they weren’t just words. Nothing was ever simple with him.
He was telling me, plainly, that he wasn’t going to hold back anymore.
That he would stop circling, stop waiting, and take what he wanted.
My heartbeat quickened as I read it again.
“If you lifted your eyes from that screen, I’m pretty sure the message would be burned into your retinas by now,” Kenji muttered as the gate to the Ivanov estate opened when our car approached.
I greeted Samy, who was on duty at the main entrance today.
He smiled and nodded at me, casting a wary glance at Kenji, I didn’t blame him or any of the guards.
On the contrary, it reassured me to see them so alert, my sister, my nephews, my niece…
they could only be safe with men like that watching over them.
“I think I’m going to tell him the truth,” I murmured, slipping my phone into my pocket as my body temperature kept rising.
My hands and feet were burning, my mouth unbearably dry despite the two bottles of water I had already downed.
I shouldn’t have eaten those gulab jamun, but they had been too tempting.
I was going into hyperglycemia, and I really needed to pee.
Damn it. “And if he doesn’t react the way you expect?
” Kenji asked as he slowed near the house.
I turned toward him, frowning, “what do you mean?”.
Of course he would react the way I expected.
Sasha Ivanov was a man of honor and principles, like his entire family.
He would never accept a prostitute as… whatever I was to him.
Hell, I didn’t even know what he wanted me to be.
He was so complicated, infuriating, brilliant, handsome… damn him.
“And what if he doesn’t run, Sienna? What if he helps you instead? What if he pulls you out of this?” Kenji went on as the car came to a stop, the sun sinking behind the trees and painting the sky in soft colors. “It wouldn’t be so bad. You’d be free.”
“I don’t need to be saved, Kenji. I’m a big girl,” I snapped, shooting him a glare.
What had gotten into him? He was supposed to be the one warning me about Sasha, not defending him.
“Do you not need saving… or do you refuse to be?” he asked quietly, stopping the car.
My breath caught. He turned toward me, his gaze locking onto mine, familiar, steady, the same gaze that had carried me through the worst moments of my life, the one that had always supported me.
“Ganesh is right, Enna. You have to forgive yourself. You have to forget…” I shook my head violently, cutting him off.
I opened the door and climbed out too fast, my vision blurring as I staggered and had to grab the car to keep from collapsing.
“Fuck, Sienna,” Kenji muttered, helping me steady myself, but I shoved him away as tears burned behind my eyes, tears of frustration.
“You don’t understand! Ganesh doesn’t understand!
” I snapped, they were confusing me, pulling me away from my purpose.
Making me lose sight of it. Helping the other girls.
Freeing them. For the ones I hadn’t been able to save.
For the ones I had betrayed. For the ones I had…
“…killed?” whispered the familiar voice inside my head, slithering through my thoughts.
I flinched and squeezed my eyes shut, “stop it!” Kenji shouted, grabbing my shoulders. “Stop listening to her, Enna! She’s dead! Dead! She’s not real! And it’s not your fault, do you hear me? Stop doing this to yourself, Sienna. Just stop.”
His voice broke as he pulled me against him, his forehead resting briefly against mine. My eyes were wide, wet, fixed on his black shirt. Kenji almost never lost control like this. Almost never. Stop… but how? The only way was to keep saving others. As many as I could. Until…until…
“We’re waiting for you, Sienna. We’re waiting…”
The voice echoed again, mixed with laughter.
Hers. Others’. I gasped when my back suddenly hit the car, Kenji stepping in front of me protectively, one hand tightening around my wrist. Protecting me from what?
I froze when I heard the metallic click of a safety being released.
“Let her go”. Sasha’s voice was cold, deadly.
My breath caught, I tried to move around Kenji, but he wouldn’t let me.
He wasn’t Kenji anymore. He was my Shadow.
“Put the gun down, Sasha,” I said over his shoulder, meeting a gaze so dark it made me shiver.
“Put it the fuck down, or he won’t let go of me!
” panic rose in my chest. Would he shoot?
He was so unpredictable that I honestly didn’t know.
Relief flooded me when he finally lowered the weapon.
I pulled free of my Shadow’s grip and stepped between the two men.
I was a head shorter than both of them, but I refused to be intimidated.
That was rule number one: never show fear.
Never show weakness, especially not in front of monsters.
“Enough,” I said sharply as they continued to glare at each other, tension coiled tight between them.
I reached out to push Kenji back, but Sasha’s firm hand closed around my wrist instead, yanking me toward him.
I stumbled against his chest and had to tilt my head back to look at him. He hadn’t taken his eyes off my Shadow.
“Let go of me, Sasha,” I growled, trying to pull free.
He was infuriating, acting as if he had every right.
As if he owned me. I felt a flicker of triumph when his fingers finally loosened, but it lasted barely a second.
His hand slid into my ponytail instead, wrapping it firmly around his hand and tilting my head back as he lowered his face toward mine.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my Shadow step forward, but Sasha snapped his arm up, gun raised again without breaking eye contact with me. “What are you doing?” I whispered, completely lost, one hand braced against his chest, the other against his forearm trying to put his gun down.
Since I had met Sasha Ivanov, he had always been the embodiment of control and calculation, aside from the rare slips we’d shared.
But now, he seemed to have lost it entirely.
He leaned closer, his nose nearly brushing mine.
“When I call, you answer,” he said darkly, giving a slight tug on my hair. I stifled a sound, not of pain.
“When I text, you answer,” another small tug.
“Understood?” I stared at him, eyes wide, anger surging where fear had been moments before.
Who did he think he was? Did he think I was a child?
“Go to hell, you…” I began, but my words died when his lips crashed against mine.
It was fast. Brutal. Over in an instant, but long enough to steal my breath.
I stared at him, lips parted, stunned, as he pulled back, brows furrowed.
“You have a fever,” he said abruptly, holstering his weapon as his hands cupped my face, as if he had completely forgotten Kenji’s presence. “You’re burning up.”
Kenji, now leaning against the car with his arms crossed, watching us like we were a damn movie, spoke flatly. “She needs an injection. She’s hyperglycemic.” Sasha looked at him sharply, then back at me, concern flickering across his face.
“He’s unpredictable, Enna,” Kenji added quietly. “You underestimate him. He won’t react the way you think,” he glanced at Sasha again. “But I’m sure of one thing, he won’t do what you expect.”
Then, turning back to me, he softened, “I’ll always be your Shadow.
” With that, he got into the car and drove off, leaving me gripping Sasha’s wrists as I forced his hands away from my cheeks.
“I told you to stop touching me,” I snapped through clenched teeth, ignoring my Shadow’s words.
He was wrong. Maybe for the first time but he was wrong.
Sasha would never accept me if he knew my past. He had too much pride, too much honor.
I could live with him hating me. I could live with him being indifferent.
But I couldn’t live knowing I disgusted him.
That he pitied me. I stepped back, but before I could retreat any further, his arms wrapped around me and lifted me off the ground.
“Sasha!” I protested, pounding his shoulder, but he ignored me completely.
He carried me inside, from the living room came the children’s laughter, Elif’s voice, Velma’s, Roman’s, and my sister’s from the kitchen.
He kicked the door shut behind us, drawing their attention.
Selina frowned and climbed down from her stool as best she could with her rounded belly, pregnancy suited her, she was glowing, cheeks flushed, eyes bright.
“Sienna!” she rushed toward us, followed by Elif and Roman, who was chewing on a banana as usual.
His mouth was rarely empty. “Calm down, Selina,” I said quickly, trying to soothe her while still trapped in Sasha’s arms. “I ate too much dessert before dinner. My blood sugar’s just acting up.
One injection and I’ll be fine in an hour.
” I tried to reassure her as she touched my face and neck anxiously.
“Yes, hyperglycemia,” she confirmed automatically, her nurse instincts kicking in. “That happens to me sometimes too” Roman muttered. “Trust me, you’d be dead by now if that were true, with everything you eat,” Elif teased, smacking Roman on the back, making him grin.