Chapter 22
Liam
Aday and a half.
That's all I got at home before I had to turn back around for the next series on the road.
I should be grateful—normally we'd travel right through the week.
But Grand Oaks is just a short flight away, and we happened to have an off day in between.
So, the Gators got to make an unexpected stop in Golden City.
For a whopping day and a half.
It's probably a good thing. I'm not sure what I was thinking all but forcing Tessa to move in with us except that something clicked in me, and I had to protect her.
I'm writing it off as simply doing what I'd hope someone would do for Ruthie one day if she ever found herself in the same position.
But the way I held onto those armrests for dear life waiting for her to agree, reminds me of the truth.
The bed bugs comment was a good save—hopefully.
And the fact that we technically have reasoning and a timeline.
Besides the measly thirty-six hours I spent at home where she was in and out anyway—back and forth from her storage unit to our house—we'll only be home together for the length of the party.
Together.
The thought somehow splits me in two. I have three games and a tween sleepover this week.
There's no time to focus on much else, let alone the not-so-dull glow I feel from my nanny currently living in my house.
But it's also been a long time since I felt that spark—since I even wanted to.
And I'd be lying if the idea didn't intrigue me.
If the fact that I'm still capable didn't excite me more than I know it should.
Because it's Tessa.
And… what happens now?
"Man, how many times in the last decade have we been in the same city at the same time?"
I'm pulled from my trance, my eyes still trained on the way the foam at the top of my beer dissolves one bubble at a time. I glance over at Levi, my elbows propped on the counter of some hole-in-the-wall bar we fell into.
"Maybe three?" I say, bringing my glass to my lips. "Not enough."
Levi huffs out a breath and takes a sip of his beer. "Exactly."
Our bartender comes by for what feels like the tenth time since we sat down five minutes ago and smiles at me. I grin back, my lips tight, then take a sip.
"So, how do you think the boys will do against the Knights tomorrow?"
Levi stares at me, his eyes narrow but doesn't respond. Instead, he watches the petite brunette with her hair twisted back walk into the kitchen, then whips around to me.
"What?"
He laughs and shakes his head, then sets his cup back on the bar as his smile flattens. "Are you ever gonna date again?" he asks, his voice serious.
The knife in my stomach that keeps popping up seems to twist. I actively stop myself from tightening—my jaw, my grip around my beer—and instead, rub at the condensation built up on my glass like I can also wipe away the question. "What makes you ask that?"
"Dude… that girl has been trying to get your attention since she poured your draft, and I'm not sure you even noticed."
I crease my brow. "Who?'
"Jesus," Levi whispers under his breath. "The bartender, brother. The bartender."
I blink hard, inhaling deeply. "Oh, right." My brain fogs with nothing but the thought of Tessa, and I blink her away. "I don't know… maybe she's just not my type."
Maybe my type is blonde, nurturing… should-be-unavailable.
I bite the inside of my cheek, punishing myself for the immediate thought.
"I'm not sure you have a type anymore," he tosses back. "Are you?"
"Ha ha," I deadpan. "You know my thoughts on this shit—Ruthie's the only girl I need." My usual reasoning comes out weaker than it normally does—more of an excuse this time.
Levi nods slowly and takes a sip of his drink. "I get that," he says through a swallow. "But it's okay if you want someone else too, ya know? Ruthie's getting older, and she's spending more time with friends and stuff. I mean she'll be in her own relationship soon enou—"
"Woah, woah, woah," I cut in defensively, the thought churning my stomach more than our conversation.
"I don't mean now," Levi defends. "I'm just saying, in a few years she'll be interested in her own dating life. How is she supposed to know what a healthy relationship looks like without ever seeing one?"
"Oh, so I guess you and her Aunt Alex aren't healthy?" I shoot back. I'm only half-serious, but the hairs on the back of my neck still go stiff.
"We're fine," he says reassuringly. "But it's not the same, and you know it. You're her person."
The last part of his argument hits me straight in the chest. But what he isn't connecting is that I am Ruthie's person. And she's mine. And that's exactly why I haven't dated in twelve years. Why my current predicament has me shaken.
I don't need someone to spend my life with—to laugh with, to cry with, to be my best friend. I have Roo. And even more than that, I don't ever want her to feel like she's being replaced. Like anyone else gets even a second of my time that would otherwise be saved for her.
Ruthie already has to put up with baseball—and she does it with such support and grace. To throw something else in the mix feels… reckless. Like I'd be taking her patience for granted. And stealing my attention away from who deserves it most.
"I don't know," I admit as Tessa comes back to mind. She's been doing that lately—popping up as if to counter any thought I have about changing my ways.
My brother thinks I'm arguing with him about what's best—that I'm being stubborn or single-minded. But what he doesn't realize is that I don't need to fight with him to have this discussion. I've already been having it with myself.
"Maybe," I finally add, lifting my glass.
Levi's eyes double in size. "Hey, I'll take that. It beats the light-hearted hard no you typically give. Or just ignoring me altogether."
I let out a chuckle. "Take what you can get, little brother."
He nods, and I gulp down my beer.
The cool liquid coats my throat, flowing over the lump that's built there. Before I know it, I've guzzled nearly all of it at once, chasing the relief I know won't come from the alcohol.
Still, the rush rattles something inside me, like the liquid was able to penetrate through the wall I've built there and loosen it slightly. I slam my glass down, adrenaline escaping thanks to that one fleeting moment of freedom.
"You alright?" Levi asks, looking at the inch of amber ale that's left at the bottom.
"What do you think about Tessa?" I blurt.
He blinks quickly, taken aback as expected. "Well…" he starts. "Alex thinks she's awesome. And when we saw Ruthie, all she did was talk about how cool she is. You said she's really good with her right? So…"
I avoid the eye contact I know will sell me out, but Levi knows me better than anyone.
"Wait a minute," he says slowly. "Do you mean…"
I glance over, the effects of my impulsive question settling.
"No…" he drawls out, eyes widening. He laughs. "Holy shit."
"Don't say it," I warn, wincing.
He shoves my shoulder. "You do have the hots for the nanny."
My head snaps toward him. "Stop." A defensive heat flushes my cheeks, and Levi sucks his teeth. "It's not like that."
He holds his hands up in surrender, mumbling under his breath. "You sure seem uncomfortable talking about it for it to not be like that."
I scrub a palm down my face. "I shouldn't have said anything."
"I think that's where you're wrong," he counters, boldly this time. "You've clearly been thinking about it."
I open my mouth, but I have no comeback.
He's right.
He studies me for a moment, then his face softens. "This is okay, man, remember? You're allowed to be interested. Shit, I'd be worried if you weren't."
I throw a glare in his direction, then stare at my glass, the last few sips taunting me. Letting out a heavy breath, I peer over.
Levi holds my gaze, challenging me.
"We had a… moment," I finally admit.
He tips his chin up, his eyes moving toward the bartender as she busts back in through the swinging door. Her gaze immediately lands on me, and mine takes a vested interest in a stain etched into the worn wooden bar.
"Go on," Levi says, brushing the fog off of his glass.
I sigh deeply. "It was probably nothing. We were in her hotel room after the game because Ruthie fell asleep in mine—just talking," I toss in when I see Levi's eyebrow lift. "I was getting ready to leave, but when I stood up I got a cramp and…" My eyes roll to the ceiling. "You know the rest."
He smirks this time. "I really don't."
"My leg cramped," I say bluntly as if that should explain it. "I fell forward… she was standing in front of the dresser I grabbed onto…"
I look at Levi as if those two details should spell it out for him, but he simply takes another sip, waiting.
"We were close, okay?" The words spill out as my tolerance dwindles. "Like… really close, and I don't know… the way she looked at me, and how I felt…"
Still, he waits.
I groan, uneasy. "It was just different than anything I've experienced in a long time. Unexpected." My mind replays the memory like a highlight reel—the ambiance, the smell, the silence, all flooding back. My walls fall lower.
"I didn't want it to end, ya know? It kind of felt like it wouldn't. Like that five seconds froze time altogether, and neither of us wanted it to start again.
" I inhale slowly, laughing to myself. "It was almost as if everything tunneled—on her eyes, her scent, the way one loose hair slipped onto her forehead.
Like the noise of everything else somehow got lost underneath the faint sound of her breath. "
I pause, coming back to reality, and slowly roll my head toward Levi. He holds my gaze, a soft smile on his face. "So…" he starts gently. "Maybe it is like that."
"But it shouldn't be," I fire back, shaking the idea. "She's our nanny. And the first one I've felt comfortable with in a while. She's living with us now, and Ruthie—"
"I never said it was simple," Levi cuts in. "What I am saying is… I haven't seen you like this in over a decade. Maybe ever."
My chest tightens again.
"We're good, me and Ruthie," I argue, my voice low. "And so much is already changing for her—and for me. I don't think it's the best time to throw anything else into the mix. Even if she's been telling me I need to."
Levi chuckles, and it steals my attention, threatening my last inch of patience. A heat crawls up my neck. "What could possibly be funny?"
He laughs again. "You don't give my niece enough credit. That kid is resilient and honest—almost too honest…"
That earns him a grin and eases some of the tension.
"Don't underestimate her."
My jaw ticks, holding back my next words. I know he's right, but that doesn't change the past. Finally, I throw back the last inch of my drink and let them fall. "I would never put her in a situation to lose someone like that again."
Levi freezes, rolling his lips in before he answers quietly but with a bite. "You didn't put her in any situation."
I stare at the empty glass, spinning it against the wood, the faint sound grounding my focus. That lump in my throat grows as I picture a baby Ruthie asleep in my arms as I slide down the back of my old apartment door.
She was too young.
Too small.
Too perfect to be given up like she was nothing.
She's everything.
"I…"
My voice fails.
Levi turns toward me completely, propping his feet onto the bottom rung of my stool. "You've spent nearly twelve years making sure that girl never felt like she was missing anything. And she isn't. She has you and me and the rest of her village that would never leave, Liam."
I clench my teeth.
"You're a damn good dad," he continues, his eye contact steadfast. "But maybe it's time you remember you're also more than that. And more than a Gator, too."
His words bounce between us, landing with a dull feeling of hope.
I shake my head. "Tessa's just… different."
He smirks. "So you've said."
I inhale slowly, my shoulders unexpectedly light enough to take a full breath. "She might not even feel anything."
"She might not," he shrugs.
Panic sets in, and it's obvious it's written all over my face when Levi points to it.
"But anything that causes that reaction from Mr. Unphased-And-Unbothered is worth pursuing."
I huff out a laugh as the bartender pops back into view. "Can I get you another?" she asks, her voice sultry, her gaze set on me. I stare blankly.
"Yes, please," Levi chimes in after what feels like an eternity. "One more round." He looks at me and smiles. "We're celebrating."
She nods and turns to leave before Levi calls her back to ask about trying a different beer on tap. I sink into my stool, using the time to recover.
I keep going back and forth about things with Tessa because as much as I'm drawn to her, there's no world where this is as simple as Levi makes it out to be.
Not with her working for us. Not with Ruthie.
Not with my retirement and my entire life changing.
And definitely not with how, in just a brief moment, she was able to completely flip things upside down.
"To new beginnings," Levi cheers, holding up his new frosted mug as the bartender I once again didn't notice turns and walks away.
"We'll see," I say, mostly to myself. "It's probably nothing… I'm sure it's nothing."
Levi hums, swallowing my answer, and I wash down the lie with a gulp of my beer.