Chapter 43
Tessa
We left the hospital not long after Lenora with the agreement that I would take Jo home, get her settled, then drop her off at Margot's on my way back to Golden City.
Our little sister was more enthusiastic than we expected to have a new roommate for a while.
Apparently the corporate world isn't as exciting as she thought it would be.
I, personally, thought the pencil skirt versus pantsuit debate would have given that one away.
But who am I to judge? Not everyone understands why I love taking care of tiny people with snot and attitude, and yet… Here I am.
The ride home was great—an ebb and flow of storytelling and reflection.
I told Jo about the soccer mom I was way less sorry to see plop into the mud than I should have been, and she told me about the segment she wants to do on people who are mean to their pets.
That, of course, led me into telling her about Sammy—that first ice cream cone we shared, the way I confided in him about kissing Liam before anyone else.
How much I love that tongue of his that always seems to flop out of his mouth.
It was nice to catch up like we used to—not over a phone or because there was some sort of family drama. So now, pulling into her apartment complex, I'm almost sad for the ride to be coming to an end. In a lot of ways, Jo not quite making it through that waffle station did us all a little good.
She knows now how serious this can be, and she has a plan to find new coverage first thing after her birthday to start the process of getting her insulin pump.
And I learned things too. Like how taking everything on alone isn't a strength—it's crippling.
And how asking for help or being vulnerable isn't irritating to someone who loves you. It's a gift.
Putting the car in park in front of Jo's building, my pulse races knowing my next step is to call Liam.
I stare straight ahead at the pattern of the worn red brick, reminding myself of why I feel the way I do—Liam is the most dependable and laid-back person I know.
He'll understand, and we'll work through it together.
"Tess?" Jo says, just as I finally calm my nerves.
I turn to her, killing the engine. "Yeah?"
She chips away at what's left of her black nail polish, avoiding my gaze at first. "I just wanted to say thank you for coming.
I know I said you're always saving us like it's a bad thing…
" She finally looks up at me, and for a second, she looks like she did when she really was my little sister.
"But I hope you know that we're the luckiest people to have you as our big sister. "
Tears prick the back of my eyes. I complain that my siblings are always running to me to help work through their issues, but that's the gift I'm talking about.
Thinking about that, I realize how lucky I am that the four people closest to me trust me with some of their most fragile—and some not so fragile—pieces of their lives.
"I'm the lucky one," I say, unhooking my seat belt. I scoot closer to the center console and throw my arms around her shoulders. "And I'll always leave the light on for you."
Jo wraps around my waist and squeezes tight. "Always?" she asks.
"Always."
"Promise?"
"Jo…" I laugh. "I promise.
She pulls back abruptly, flopping back against her seat. "Good," she says firmly. Her face pales slightly. "Because I called Liam."
My eyes grow wide, and she paints an awkward smile.
"To be fair, I just wanted to tell him not to let you bail when you called him, but dammit, you're right. That man is good and uh… he's sort of coming here."
"What?" I yell. "Jo!"
"Yeah…" she drags out. "And I thought maybe he'd tell you himself when you called once we got inside…
" Her voice fades as she looks past me through the driver's side window.
"But unless my eighty-three year old neighbor, Ralph, gave his Civic an upgrade…
" She points and I follow her finger to the pearly white truck sitting just a few spots down. "I think he's already here."
I spin back toward her, my eyes doubled in size. "Jo!"
She shrugs. "You're welcome?"
I look again at the truck. Thanks to my nerves, I must not have noticed it there before, and thanks to the tint in his windows and the darkness that's settling, I can't see if he's noticed me yet either.
"Just be honest with him," Jo says, placing her hand on my arm. "Tell him what you told me, remember?"
I pause, realizing for the first time that at some point between Jo's confession and now, those nerves from before have morphed into something closer to anticipation. I'm excited to see him. Excited to get all of this out in the open.
"I can't believe you called him," I say to the steering wheel.
"Well… there's one more thing."
My eyes snap to hers.
"I also texted Margot on the way here and told her that she needed to come pick me up instead." She glances into the rearview mirror. "She just pulled in."
I twist around, spotting Margot's red Kia. She waves to us as she slows into the spot directly behind me, and Jo waves back cheerfully as my eyes flick between the two of them.
I spin back in my seat, staring again at the way the red bricks stack so neatly on top of one another—until Jo's hand finds my shoulder.
"You got this," she says. She dangles a key in front of my face. "Just go inside, talk…" She arches her brow. "Do… whatever. Then call me later and give me all the details."
"You don't need to go in?"
She shakes her head. "It's just for the night. I'll use Margot's stuff."
My heart flutters with appreciation for my sister—my overbearing, overstepping, pain-in-my-ass little sister—but appreciation nonetheless. "Maybe she'll lend you a blazer," I say in mock excitement.
Jo pretends to gag. "On second thought, maybe you guys can chat tomorrow."
I purse my lips, and she tosses me a wink, slapping the key into the palm of my hand. "I'm kidding. Go. Get your man. But I'm serious about the details." She hugs me this time. "I want every big, juicy…"
"Stop picturing his ass," I mumble against her.
She pulls away chuckling. "It's just so good."
I laugh too. "I love you, Jo. Thank you for this."
She nods, reaching for the door handle. "It's nice to be the fixer for once."
With that, she pops out of the car. "And I love you too, Tessie Lou."
She slams the door shut then waves over her head to Liam's truck. I still can't be sure if he's seen us yet, but judging by the fact that his engine shuts off when Margot's car pulls away, I could probably make a decent guess.
I take one last deep breath before slowly opening the door and stepping out onto the pavement. I walk with nothing but two sets of keys in my hand, only to stop halfway to his truck.
There he is.
"Liam," I say, my voice already breathless.
He smiles at me the way he always does—like he doesn't see anybody else—anything else but me. "Hi," he says simply, his tone soft but steady.
My knees instantly buckle despite having seen him just last night. Despite the fact that half of his body is still covered. "I was coming to meet you."
He chuckles, dropping his hand onto the bed of the truck and nodding toward my car. "Me too."
I throw my thumb over my shoulder. "Do you want to…"
He rounds the truck so I can finally see the rest of him. He's wearing gym shorts, a t-shirt, and those sneakers with the neon green swoosh—the same outfit he had on my first day on the job.
"We can sit here if you want." He strides to the passenger side of the truck and cracks the door open.
I move toward him, an unspoken conversation looming over us like the last time we talked alone in his truck, back when Jace Holloway's name was written across my back.
I'm not sure what to do as I get closer to him, pulled between wanting to spew my thoughts before I back out and wanting to jump into his arms and not talk at all. Luckily, I don't need to decide. When I'm within arm's reach, Liam puts both of his massive palms on my shoulders and pulls me to him.
"I missed you today," he says, inhaling deeply as he rests his chin on the top of my head.
I sink into him, breathing in his smell and this feeling, almost completely forgetting what I was worried about in the first place. "I missed you too."
He releases me, holding out his hand to help me into the truck. I settle into his seat as he closes the door, and I wait the painfully long few seconds it takes for him to get back to the driver's side.
"Thank you for coming," I say as soon as he's in, more eager than I thought I'd be to explain.
He turns toward me. "Of course," he says. "But I have to be honest, I'm not any more sure about what's going on than I was when Jo called earlier."
I nod in understanding, and he drops his hand onto my knee—so warm, so familiar. The flicker of the porch light.
"I just knew I had to be here."
His voice comes out thick, and his throat moves up and down with nerves. I drop my hand onto his, fighting the urge to brush everything off and simply melt into him instead.
"I got a call this morning that Jo passed out in the lobby of a hotel she was staying at."
Liam's face creases with concern. "Is she okay?"
I curl my fingers around his. "She is. She was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes at the start of the year, and she's been having a hard time adjusting to it—getting her readings straight and her dosage right."
Liam tips his chin down. "I had no idea. That must be so hard.”
I smile softly, that familiar guilt creeping back in. Of course he didn't know. "It's been tough navigating it all, but she's good now. She has a plan."
"Good."
I swallow, knowing what's next. "I left even before the call this morning, actually. I was worried about her and was planning to check in. We got into a pretty big fight while you were gone. She wasn't answering me, and I was really worried that something might be—"
"Tessa," he interrupts gently. "Why didn't you tell me any of this? I asked you how things were at home, and you said fine. I could have helped you. I could have been here."
I squeeze his hand, inhaling deeply. "I know," I say. "And that's the reason Jo called."
He furrows his brow, leaning in closer.
"I left so early this morning to find Jo, but also because I needed to think about us before we planned to tell Ruthie."
His face instantly falls, his jaw growing so tight I can almost hear his teeth grinding against each other. "Are you…" He clears his throat, but his voice still comes out weak. "Are you having second thoughts about being with me?"
"No," I blurt. His shoulders fall, if only briefly. "Well, yes… But not because I don't want to."
He blinks hard. "I—I don't understand."
I blow out a heavy breath, slipping my fingers between his. I follow how they curl around each other perfectly as his thumb naturally brushes short, soft strokes against the back of mine.
And then I explain.
I tell him everything I said to Jo, just like she told me to.
I talk and he listens, so invested in what I have to say that I have to physically look away from the eye contact he gives me.
I tell him the porch light theory and how I've never been one to expect the flicker—no one's ever really offered it before.
And how I'm having doubts that I can be enough for Ruthie and for him—Golden City's Sunshine.
"You don't just leave the light on, Liam.
You are the light," I say at the end. "For Ruthie, your team—for your whole city.
" I chance a look at him, and find his expression unreadable.
"You were so quick to say you would have been here for me, and I know that's true.
But I didn't even give you that chance."
I pause, scared to say what I really need to.
"Being a part of your little family would be such an honor. You have to believe that. But do I even deserve such a huge gift if I can't even let go enough to open up about the little things?"
His thumb stills against my hand, his grip tightening slightly as if he's choosing every word with care.
"Tess," he starts. "I know being with me comes with extra pressure—what with Ruthie and everything else going on. But you didn't fail us by not telling me what was going on."
I suck in a breath.
"You're just not used to that. It's not comfortable or familiar, and that's okay."
His jaw ticks before he continues.
"My entire life I've had to depend on other people—baseball's not really a game you can play on your own.
And when you're on a team, there's no other option but to communicate openly.
I have to know when to intervene—to cover a base, to cover a teammate.
I can't just guess when my pitcher intends to pick off the runner or what the game plan is for my next at-bat. "
He slides his palm from mine and places it on my shoulder, looking at me intensely.
"But maybe you're just not used to being on the same kind of team." His hand slowly trails down the length of my arm. "Or maybe your team has let you down in the past and now you keep things closer to your chest."
My throat works to fight the emotion that settles there. How does he always see me?
"I don't need you to be whatever form of perfect you think I deserve, Tessa," he continues. "I just need you to let me keep showing up. Let me prove that you're safe with me. That, when you're ready, you can trust me with every thought, every feeling. Every worry or concern."
He dips a hand past my cheek, cradling my face, and I lean into his touch.
"I choose you exactly as you are, Hastings. Strong, kind…" He grins shyly. "Maybe a little guarded."
A laugh escapes from my throat as a tear slips from one corner of my eye.
Liam brushes it away, his expression more serious. "Always putting someone else first."
My mouth curls into the faintest smile, and his eyes dip to my lips as he runs his thumb across them.
"For the record," he adds. "I don't need you to be the light or turn it on. I don't even need to keep it on for you if you don't want me to."
I shift an inch closer to him, that same pull as always, closing what's left of the gap between us.
"I just need you to stick around at the end of a long day." He swallows hard. "Or a long season… and just sit with me when the darkness falls."
My fingers find the hem of his shirt, and I bunch it slightly, tugging him toward me. "I can do that," I say, my voice thick. "I want to do that."
Liam's hand slides to the back of my head, and he pulls me so our lips are so close our breaths intertwine. He drops his forehead to mine, letting his eyes slink shut and inhaling deeply. "Then that's more than enough."