10. Iris
Iris
Nine months earlier
‘Do you think moving is a good idea?’ I ask my therapist at our monthly appointment.
I’ve been seeing her for over a year now and we’ve gone from weekly to fortnightly, and now monthly sessions, and as far as I’ve come, I still feel the need to get her opinion on big changes.
Sam wants us to move closer to his new job. The commute is too much for him now and he thinks a move away from Rosewood will be the icing on the cake for my recovery.
‘I can’t tell you what you should do, Iris,’ Allie says. ‘You should do what’s best for the whole family.’
I let this idea churn through my brain for a moment. Sam would be home earlier every afternoon and wouldn’t have to leave so early in the morning. He’d be less exhausted on weekends and have more time with the kids and me.
Sure, I’ll be sad to leave my friends, to change kindergartens and childcare centres but none of that really holds up to having more time together as a family.
‘It would be amazing to have Sam around more. The kids would love it.’
Allie nods, smiling as she makes a note on her pad.
‘Do you feel worried about the move at all?’
I ponder her question for a moment. ‘It’s a nuisance to find a new childcare but—’
Allie holds up a finger. ‘Sorry, I mean in terms of your panic attacks and the reasons you started seeing me.’
My panic attacks and anxiety about being out and about with the kids have improved significantly.
I’ve spent the last year filling my computer with articles and transcripts that could relate to the kidnappings.
I’ve even conducted my own interviews with people.
I honestly think the process of researching has helped significantly.
I feel empowered. Not scared. I feel informed. Not paranoid.
‘I haven’t had a panic attack in months. I imagine leaving Rosewood could only be a good thing in regards to that.’
‘You’ve come a long way, Iris. You really put in the work.’
There’s a flutter in my chest and I feel like a child who’s just been praised by their teacher. It means a lot because I have put in the work. And it wasn’t always easy.
‘Tell me,’ she says. ‘Are you still doing your research? A few months ago, I suggested that you could pull it back a bit.’
I remember the session she told me. A voice in my head had screamed, ‘No!’. That stopping would be out of the question. And I still feel that way. I need my research. ‘I still do a little bit,’ I say, my cheeks burning at the admission.
Allie makes another note on her page and all the buzz from the praise a moment ago evaporates.
‘I think when you move from Rosewood you should try to leave it all behind. Stop the reading and researching, and if you find yourself struggling again, you call me. We can even do a virtual session since you’ll be further away.’
‘Okay,’ I say, but in my head a voice is screaming that there’s no way I can just stop.
Present Day
I barely sleep after the trivia night. Sam and the kids are sound asleep when I get home but despite being dead tired, I can’t stop thinking about Eva.
Everything I’ve seen and heard between her and her husband rings alarm bells. His questioning of her drinking, the grip on her arm and the bruise the other day. Even the fact she said her husband wouldn’t like them attending a trivia night. It’s all off. Red flag after red flag.
When I get up in the morning, I’m exhausted. Sam asks about the trivia night and while it was a raging success in terms of fundraising, I fail to sound excited.
‘You okay?’ he asks.
Well, that’s something. At least he’s not so mad at me that he doesn’t notice when I’m not myself.
‘Yeah, didn’t sleep great.’ I begin making myself a coffee and the sound of feet pitter patter down the hallway.
Sadie and Lara run in and grab a leg each and I bend down to give them both a cuddle. There’s nothing like the ego boost when your children miss you after missing one goodnight kiss. It’s like I’ve been gone for a week.
‘What kept you up?’ he asks.
I shrug. Not ready to share everything racing around my brain. Not yet anyway.
‘I know I said it the other day, but it might be worth talking to someone again. You’re getting so caught up in the Rosewood stuff again. I’m worried.’
I turn away from him for a moment, not wanting him to see my eyes water. He’s right. Getting caught up is an understatement. It’s a full blown obsession at this point. And how ironic what was supposed to help in the early days is now becoming my undoing.
I clear my throat and turn back to him. ‘Yeah, maybe. I’ll think about it.’
Sam finishes making my coffee and hands it to me. ‘What’s the plan today?’
It’s Sunday. Sam is off work. We have nothing on. It’s the perfect opportunity for us to spend the day together as a family but there is only one thing on my mind.
‘Do you think you could stay with the girls this morning? I’m going to take Billy to see a kinder friend.’
Sam is momentarily surprised. He knows how much I like to prioritise family time and is probably shocked I’m not taking the opportunity but I need to see Eva.
‘Sure,’ he says. ‘We’ll do something together this afternoon. It’s great you’re making some connections.’
I smile and give him a kiss on the cheek. It’s the first bit of tension-free normalcy between us in days.
I take my coffee upstairs and open my laptop. I find the contact details for the President of the PA at kinder and dial her number.
‘Hello, Maria speaking,’ she answers on the second ring.
‘Maria, hi. It’s Iris, from the PA committee.’
We exchange small talk for a moment and gush over the success of the night before.
‘Look,’ I say, ‘I was sitting with Eva and Matteas last night and Eva left her phone on the table. Do you have an address for them so I can drop it off?’
‘Oh,’ Maria says. ‘That’s against privacy rules.’
‘I know, I know. I could get Sam to look it up at the station but he isn’t in today and I’m sure she needs her phone. Our boys are friends, and I’d call her, but obviously, I have the phone.’
I’m rambling and hoping Maria doesn’t hear the wobble in my voice as I layer lie upon lie.
‘Oh, how is Sam? They do such good work down there.’ There’s a rustling sound in the background. ‘Eva and Matteas live at the end of Highland Court, the big house. You can’t miss it.’
The big house. Why am I not surprised?
‘Thanks so much, I’ll drop by there this morning.’
***
I try to find the neatest clothes in Billy’s wardrobe before we head out to see Eva and Archie. I’m not sure why I even care but after seeing her, her car and hearing about the big house, I suddenly feel self-conscious.
Billy throws a tantrum when I attempt to put him in brown chinos instead of his usual tracksuit pants. After ten minutes of fighting him on it, I give up. But at least the pants and jacket he’s wearing don’t have grass or paint stains on them. Small wins.
I turn the car into Highland Court as Billy kicks his legs with excitement in the backseat.
‘Are we actually seeing Archie?’
‘Yes, buddy, actually .’ I drag the word out the same way he does. ‘Almost there.’
He claps his hands in anticipation.
At the end of the street is an enormous white house. Not house. Mansion. Beautiful trees line the front of the place and the driveway leads up to a magnificent fountain that stands before the stunning double front doors.
I’m nervous to drive up the long driveway but I’ve come this far and the squeals of Billy in the back remind me that it’s lovely for him to visit a kinder friend. Albeit uninvited.
I knock on the door and hope Eva is the one to answer it. It cracks open an inch and Eva appears. I smile and a whole lot of my tension disappears.
‘Hi,’ I say. ‘I’m sorry to pop over unannounced. I was a little worried about you last night.’
Eva glances back into the house and I worry that Matteas is behind her, out of sight, furious that I’m meddling over what may have been no big deal.
‘Oh, I’m fine. Just a few too many drinks. All good.’
Pink creeps up her neck and I’m sad she possibly feels embarrassed. She was totally fine last night, not drunk at all in my opinion.
Footsteps thunder down the hall behind her and Archie’s face appears.
‘Billy!’ he squeals. Before either of us can do anything, Archie grabs Billy’s hand and drags him inside.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say, even though this is exactly what I’d hoped would happen. It’s why I brought Billy with me.
‘That’s okay,’ she says. ‘Come in.’
I step into the most stunning entrance hall with a double staircase before me and modern art on the walls.
Every surface is perfectly neat and the floors are clean.
I have to assume there is a maid whose only job is to follow Archie around with a dustpan because this does not look like a house with a four-year-old living in it.
‘Your house is beautiful,’ I say, as Eva leads me through to the kitchen. It’s all black and white with expensive appliances and a big bunch of white roses in a crystal vase on the counter.
She glances around. ‘It’s a bit much, but Matteas loves it.’
‘Is Matteas home?’
‘No, he had to work early today.’
‘On a Sunday. Yuck.’
Her responding smile doesn’t meet her eyes.
The boys run past and I call after Billy to take off his shoes but they’re gone in a flash, and Eva reassures me it’s fine.
‘How did you know where we lived?’ she asks.
I hesitate for a second because I feel bad for basically stalking this family. ‘I told the kinder you left your phone last night and I wanted to return it.’
Something flashes over her face for a moment. Annoyance? Anger? But it’s gone just as quickly and she starts laughing.
‘You should be a detective with those skills.’
Ha. If only she knew.
‘Can I get you a drink?’ she asks.
‘I’d love a coffee if you’ve got it.’
‘Full cream, soy, almond or oat milk?’
I laugh before putting a hand over my mouth. ‘Sorry. Um, full cream is fine.’
‘Light, medium or dark roast?’
I narrow my eyes. ‘You’ve lost me.’
‘Do you have a coffee bean preference?’