Five
FIVE
S o. That happened. Jay had gotten himself into sticky situations before—the kind he would never repeat to his niece. Not now, not ever. But tonight was the kind of sticky that wrapped around your heart and made it feel like you’d done something wrong. When in fact, he hadn’t.
He was a go-with-the-flow, bahala-na-si-Batman kind of guy. He didn’t mind being told what to do. But yeah, if there was a bingo card for how Marina and David’s wedding reception was going to go, kissing the maid of honor definitely wasn’t on his list.
Because he almost had. Had come really close. They were already there, his balance just intact and Mara in his arms. And she was gorgeous. Her soft, warm skin and plump cheeks were flushed red. He could smell her perfume, something floral and sweet—but not overly so, like a second skin. He would have asked her if he could kiss her. She could have said yes. If she said yes, then Jaysohn Montinola would have kissed the fuck out of Mara Jane Barretto.
But alas, he did not. And he knew at that moment he’d done something wrong, because Mara had seemed flushed and upset. Now here he was, the human disaster relegated to the back tables with Mon and Scott, wondering what he’d done.
The dinner had been exquisite. Maybe. He couldn’t seem to recall specifics, just a vague sensation of being pleasantly full. He remembered there was a steak. Foie gras, perhaps, and Scott commenting in the background on how it didn’t quite go together. But it was still good.
Jay could be shown three dishes and asked to correctly identify which ones he ate tonight, and he would not be able to guess a single one. How can one leave a fancy restaurant after a free meal and still not know if the food was good or not? How very un-Pinoy of him.
Usually, this meant that his brain was preoccupied with other things—work he needed to do, a fun thing he could do with Luna, a dance he wanted to learn. But not tonight. Tonight, he was fully distracted by a kiss that never happened.
Why, though? Missed connections had happened to him before. It was par for the course in the life of a person who actively dated.
Maybe the difference was he’d really, really wanted a chance to kiss Mara. Wanted to feel her body pressed against his, feel her curves as he sank his lips into hers. He had a feeling that they would be very good at kissing each other.
But the moment had passed, and Mara Barretto was marked safe from Jay’s Kiss Curse.
“—really don’t think he’s listening at all,” Scott was saying, and Jay managed to bring himself back to the moment. Back to the ballroom, where the flowers looked even better under the lighting setup. To the food on the plate in front of him. They had apparently made it to dessert, which was a faux-Twix with sea salt and a caramel sauce that would follow Jay to his dreams that evening. To Scott, sitting beside him and telling a story about…oh god, he had no idea.
“So there we were, on the beach, and the dragon came down in front of us and asked if we were interested in checking out his hole.”
“Don’t you mean horde?”
“No, I mean hole, Mon. There was a hole in the cave, and there was treasure inside it.” Scott’s arms were spread out wide, mimicking… Jay was not completely sure what. What story was he trying to tell? “Right, Jay?”
“Right. What?”
“I think you finally got his attention,” Mon pointed out. Not-so-subtly grinning from his side of the table. “Welcome back to the wedding, buddy.”
“Ha-ha, very funny,” he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes at the two, who seemed even more amused that he was acting all bitchy. He was bored, that was all! “I was distracted, that’s all.”
“By what?” Mon asked, at the same time Scott said, “By who ?”
Then his phone started to ring in his pocket. Perfect timing, Universe, thank you. Jay had already planned to ignore them both anyway, but the ringing made it seem more out of necessity. Scott and Mon were great most times, but some days they came together and decided to share a single brain cell between them, and Jay was usually the subject of the organelle’s attention.
There was also an email from his boss in Hong Kong, subject line URGENT: Return to Office. Jay ignored that for now.
“Ops, that’s Ate. Gotta take this,” he said, practically springing out of his seat to answer the call. He slipped out of the ballroom and to the hallway that connected this ballroom to the casita from earlier. Just in time, too. The hosts were just announcing that they were about to get the program going.
“Hey, did I buy the Nespresso machine, or did you?” Ate Irene sounded a little harried over the phone, and Jay pulled the phone away from his ear for a second to check the time. 9:00 p.m. was pretty early by most standards, but it usually meant that the baby had just gone to sleep and she was raring to do a whole list of things. “I can’t remember.”
Well, not a baby so much as a three-year-old, but, still.
“Capsule coffee? I would never.” Jay scoffed, ignoring the little tug in the empty cavity that presumably housed his heart. Suddenly he knew exactly what his sister was doing, could practically picture her with a box in one hand and her phone tucked under her ear as she stared at the fire engine red Nespresso machine. “Isn’t the coffee machine a more late-stage packing thing? You guys aren’t moving until May.”
“Well, I was panicking about it earlier,” Ate Irene started. Jay leaned against the nearby pillar to listen, blowing a stray strand of hair out of his face. “And I called Nige, and he said I just needed to make a plan. So I made a Gantt chart.”
“Of course.” Jay wanted to laugh. Ate Irene liked charts—they helped her make big things seem smaller, actionable. They had several lying around the house, a memorable one in particular marked “Operation Baby Girl 2020” from when they realized that Ate Irene was going to have a pandemic baby in the middle of…well, the pandemic. A timeline of all the steps that needed to be taken to complete a project had been a lifesaver then. Makes sense she would make one now. “And the Gantt chart said ‘pack the coffee machine’?”
“Something like that.” He practically heard his Ate collapse into a chair with a deep sigh. Irene was three years older than him, but they had always considered themselves close. They knew how to speak to each other without actually saying what they meant. Like this conversation, for example.
“How’s the wedding?” Ate Irene asked. Translation, Will you be okay if we move away?
“It’s great. Hey, I apologized to Mara Barretto.” I’ll be fine, Ate. You have to trust me, even if I don’t totally believe it yet. I won’t hold you back. “I think she accepted it.”
“You’ve always been hard to say no to, Jay.” She made it sound like a bad thing. We can stay if you want us to.
“Hey, I made excellent points. I groveled well.” Don’t stay for me.
“Uh-huh. And Marina and David, they’re happily married? No protests, objections from the crowd?”
“Documents were signed and notarized, and the wedding was drama free. They’re together forever,” he said. And if there was any bitterness in his voice, it wasn’t because he was jealous, or sad. It was just… “Have you ever thought about how two people deciding to be together implies that someone had to be left behind in order for them to be together?”
There was a pause on the line. Jay could pretend it was because it took a while for a message to reach from the highlands of Tagaytay to an apartment in Pasig City, but he knew better.
“Are we still talking about the wedding?” Ate Irene asked. Or are we talking about the fact that Luna and I are moving away from you?
See, Jay and Irene Montinola were experts at saying things, without actually saying much. Jay didn’t quite feel like facing it yet—that he’d reshaped and reframed his entire life around his family, only to find out that it wasn’t going to be forever. But the Montinola siblings could hold off the emotional processing for another time. They should probably add it to the Gantt chart.
“Maybe.” He sighed. “You know the bank is asking if I was going back to Hong Kong.”
“Oh?” Ate Irene sounded like she was trying really hard to sound disinterested. “I thought you changed your status to freelancer so you never had to RTO?”
I did that when I thought you needed help raising Luna. “I did, but they can reinstate me to an analyst position if I want.” It wasn’t a terrible life out there. It was expensive, but Hong Kong had its delights and pleasures. Completely different from the ones in Manila, of course. But it wasn’t wholly unfamiliar to him. “I’m negotiating a raise. Although I’m sure Hong Kong’s only gotten more expensive since the pandemic.”
“I bet,” Ate Irene agreed. “Well…something for you to think about, I guess.” Are you really going to go?
“Yeah. I’ll be home tonight,” he assured his sister. “Late nga lang. Is Luna down?”
“Only after some bribery and a promise that her ‘Nong would be there in the morning.” Ate Irene snorted, and Jay’s voice caught in his throat suddenly, but he didn’t want to think or talk about why. “I should let you get back to the wedding.” I love you.
“Should I attempt to catch the garter?” Jay mused, tucking his hand in his pocket and fiddling with the buttons on his camera. It helped. Love you, too, Ate.
“Don’t!” Irene laughed. “Between your powerful as fuck first kiss—”
“Ate you shouldn’t swear when Luna is in the next room.”
“—and the possibility of sukob, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“I don’t really see myself getting married this year.” Or ever. “You should be safe.”
“Yeah, but you don’t want to mess with that wedding mojo, you know?” Ate Irene asked him. “Weddings are a hotbed of emotions. Things we hide feel like they must come to the surface, because two people were brave enough to say out loud that they were in love, that they were going to stay in love.”
“Is that what love is? Bravery?”
“Love is closing your eyes and hoping for the best. But you have someone’s hand to hold, so it’s not so scary. So I guess yes, it’s bravery. But weddings are love, bravery and alcohol. Bad combinations all around. You can’t really trust that anyone’s going to make a good emotional decision in that ballroom.” Especially someone who is deciding if he’s moving away again.
“That’s reassuring, coming from someone who is getting married in, how many Gantt chart steps?” Jay teased, chuckling. He looked up and saw that the moon was full and bright tonight. Lighting up Luisa’s parking lot and making the fountain in front of him look like fireworks. A good night to have a first kiss with someone.
“Hey, the bride and groom actually had time to make their emotional decisions,” Irene pointed out. “Everyone else that follows is just swept up in a moment.”
* * *
Ate Irene’s words continued to linger in Jay’s mind as he headed back to the ballroom. He was almost holding on to them a little too hard, tugging them to keep him grounded. He found himself still holding on to his silent phone, keeping his sister’s words close.
Tonight wasn’t the night to make bad decisions. Kissing Mara Barretto, who had love in her eyes, who wanted something that lasted, would definitely be a bad one.
He walked into the ballroom, wondering why the sound quality of the music was suddenly so good.
The newly wedded couple was in the middle of their very first dance.
It looked like a scene from a fairy tale, if fairy tales ended in Tagaytay. A gentle fog made the dance floor look like it was a cloud. And floating on it, David and Marina held on to each other, all happy smiles as they swayed to the music. The music was played by a string quartet, and singing along with it was—holy shit?—the cast of Hanggang Ulap , the musical that Marina proclaimed to be her favorite.
Budget who? No wonder everything was wonderful and romantic. Freaking Erin Javier was singing, and, yep that was Ramon Figueroa with her, duetting the musical’s Big Love Song. But as extravagant as it was, it somehow suited the newly wedded couple to be over-the-top. They both looked really happy. Flashed the kinds of smiles that you made when you forgot anyone was looking. Jay held up his camera and took a photo. It looked even more radiant in black and white.
“Here I was thinking you hated weddings,” Scott said, moving to stand next to him, a tumbler of whiskey in his hand. The bar was apparently open.
“I don’t hate weddings.” Jay scoffed. “I just don’t think they’re for me. What David and Marina have. You and Ava, Mon and Olivia. Things that last? I can’t have that.”
He knew how to deal with things that weren’t tangible. Other people’s money, stock markets, boredom, feelings. Even his personal life held nothing permanent. The coffee machine he thought would bring him joy for years to come would end up in Irene’s stash because he didn’t actually like it. Conclusion? Things that were meant to last, well, not for him. He wouldn’t even know the first thing about truly loving someone.
Thank you for being my last stop before the one , Selena had said in her post. years ago now, holy shit. Your good luck kiss really worked.
The last stop before the one. That was just the way his metaphorical cookie of a life crumbled.
“Hay nako.” Scott sighed, taking a sip of his whiskey. “Here na me, you not yet.”
“What?” Jay spluttered a laugh. That made absolutely no sense. Scott shot him a look of total seriousness, though. Even in the darker corners of the ballroom where they stood, it was a look that said, “Pay attention. I am about to drop Knowledge on you, dummy.”
“Papunta ka pa lang, pabalik na ako,” Scott said. That made way more sense. “You think you’re the first person to think you don’t deserve love? I went on a whole emotional, spiritual journey to Bali to finally decide that I was in love with Ava, and that I was worthy of her love. Mon went to New York thinking he was going to get a job, slept with Olivia and realized he was on the journey before he knew it.”
“That sounds like Mon,” Jay conceded. Although he was sure there was way more nuance to his friends’ journeys than that.
“Even Teddy made the choice to stick to his guns when he asked Andi out to that date the first time.” Scott looked entirely too smug at the mention of Mon’s usually reclusive business partner. Teddy had been the one to ask Andi out first? Bravery, as Ate Irene said.
“My point being,” Scott continued, unaware of the myriad of Jay’s thoughts, “we make a choice to love someone, all of us. And choosing someone means you know you deserve love. Want it if you want it, push it away if you don’t. But it’s not because you don’t deserve it. Everyone deserves love, Jay. And everyone who loves you is lucky, because we get to have you.”
Yeah, those were tears that sprung in Jay’s eyes. God, Scott was really, really good at this. Give the man his FAMAS Award already.
“What happened with Mara?” Scott asked. The woman in question got up from the family table and shuffled through the tables of wedding guests to stop and lean against a post, watching the couple. Jay could see her profile, and she almost looked…sad? Wistful? Her face was heartbreaking. What the hell had he done to make her upset earlier? What he really wanted to do was take her into his arms and tell her it would be okay. “Did you fix it?”
It would be okay, because he was going to do whatever he could to fix it.
“Not yet,” Jay admitted, his hand loosening its grip on his phone. “But I will.”