Chapter Eleven
During the following week, Erin scrutinised the café’s profit and loss spreadsheets, in a desperate attempt to see if she could avoid the inevitable and salvage her business.
When she wasn’t worrying about the finances or Jack, her mind always seemed to wander back to Adam.
She anticipated him making a firm date for their walk in Greenwich Park, but even though he came in a couple of times for breakfast, he didn’t repeat the suggestion.
As she scoured the wall of books for something to suit her mood at the start of her shift on Wednesday, she found herself wondering how long it could possibly take to write one article, and whether he’d found someone more qualified to help.
That would be disappointing. He could at least have told her if that were the case.
Why did he bother asking if he wasn’t going to follow it up?
She knew she shouldn’t have allowed herself to be impressed by him.
Just because he was a big-shot journalist, it didn’t mean he was reliable or considerate.
Circe by Madeline Miller caught her eye.
There was a woman who was not taking any more crap from men.
She plucked it out and stared at the Grecian-style illustration of the mythical woman on the front cover, wishing she had the power to turn men into swine like Circe did.
She indulged in a little fantasy of her ex-husband snuffling around a pen, pink and fat, read the last page, then dropped the book on the nearest table, hoping someone would pick it up and want a chat about it at some point during the day.
Marching back to where Jack was cleaning the microwave in the kitchen, she decided that if Adam didn’t mention the article at book group that evening, she would bring it up herself.
Riley was on shift that afternoon, and bowled in as the lunchtime rush ended, her eyes glistening with excitement.
‘Ren’s reposted my last video,’ she said, her voice breathy.
She ran a hand over her speckled scalp, where the hair had just started to grow back, as if she couldn’t quite believe her own words.
‘Who?’ said Erin, at the same time Jack said, ‘No way?’
‘Show me,’ said Jack, his expression almost as excited as Riley’s. He pulled out a chair at the nearest empty table and Riley sat next to him, her phone in her shaking hand.
‘I can’t get my head around it. I mean, Ren? It’s already gone viral.’
Erin stood behind the pair, keen to know what all the excitement was about. ‘Who’s Ren?’
‘This guy.’ Riley opened TikTok and clicked on a profile with a grid filled with images of a young man with a mop of dark hair, shaved at the sides, holding a guitar and leaning into a microphone. ‘He’s got over four million followers.’
‘He’s a singer, then?’
‘Singer-songwriter, musician, rapper, producer, director. You name it, and he’s killing it,’ said Jack. ‘I can’t believe he’s shared your post. This is epic. Come on, show me.’
Riley tapped the screen. A close-up of her beautiful face came into view.
Her eyes were closed, and her lids shimmered with golden eyeshadow, below perfectly shaped brows.
Her cheekbones shone with highlighter and her full lips were ruby red.
As her eyes opened, the camera panned back and she began to speak, softly at first, then with more force.
‘You like me, yeah, you like what you see? You want me, yeah, you think you want me?’ Her hand, nails painted the same colour as her lips, rose up and Erin saw she was holding a handful of soil.
‘This mask I wear, like a beauty queen, is your choice, not mine, how you want me to be seen.’ She opened her palm and slid the soil across one cheek, then the other.
‘What’s behind this skin, you want painted, you prick?
What’s inside this mouth, you want wrapped round your—’
‘Could you, erm, lower the volume a bit,’ said Erin, aware customers were turning their heads.
‘I mean, I like it, and I’m very glad this Ren character has shared it, but it might be a bit rich for the afternoon crowd.
’ She smiled apologetically at an elderly lady who was glowering over, while patting the Yorkshire terrier at her feet as if it was an ageing country vicar easily shocked by foul language.
Erin had been forced to put Tybalt out after he kept tormenting the poor creature earlier, and she suspected this visit to The Bookmark might be the pair’s last.
Riley paused it, her face freezing on screen in a snarl, and turned the volume down before pressing play again. Jack leaned in to hear, but Erin was content to watch the striking visuals, which showed Riley smearing the soil all over her face, then down her neck and over her clavicle.
‘That’s awesome,’ said Jack, when the video came to an end.
‘Wow,’ said Erin. ‘I get I’m probably not the target demographic, but that certainly got my attention.
’ She glanced back at the lady with the terrier, cross with herself for having been apologetic.
Riley was a talented writer and performer who deserved to be heard and, from what she’d gleaned, the piece was about how what’s under the skin is more important than surface beauty, and that was a message worth sharing.
‘You are my audience,’ said Riley. ‘All women are.’ She turned to Jack. ‘And you, obvs. You’re a feminist, right?’
‘Course,’ said Jack, without hesitation.
‘Well, yes, I suppose I am your crowd, then,’ said Erin, proud of her boy and her friend. ‘Anything with a strong feminist message works for me.’ She paused, then said, ‘What does Chegs make of it?’
‘Huh.’ Riley put her phone down. ‘Not much, actually. I offered to show it to him before I posted it, but he was always too busy, then when Ren shared it and it blew up, he watched it and got all sulky.’
‘Why?’ said Jack. His nose wrinkled above his moustache. ‘It’s brilliant.’
‘He said people will think I’m talking about him.’
Are you? hovered at the tip of Erin’s tongue. She wouldn’t be surprised if Chegs was more interested in what Riley looked like than what was going on in her unique, creative brain. She was a strikingly beautiful woman, more so because she appeared to have no idea quite how stunning she was.
‘I mean, way to make it all about him,’ Riley continued. ‘Anyone would think he didn’t want me to succeed, the way he’s acting. When the likes and shares started to tick up I got all excited and showed him, but he just warned me not to get too full of myself.’
‘Do you think he’s jealous of you getting the attention?’ Erin was certain he was, but didn’t feel like she could come straight out and say that.
‘Oh, I hadn’t thought of that.’ Riley’s lips drooped. ‘He might feel a bit unnerved by it all, I suppose. Do you think he’s worried I’ll let it go to my head and change into someone else?’
Erin hadn’t meant that at all. She wanted Riley to see her boyfriend didn’t like not being on the top rung of the ladder, looking down on her for once.
‘I’d better ring him and make sure he’s okay before I start my shift.’ She lifted the phone and stood, talking into the speaker in soft tones as she went to stand outside.
‘That backfired,’ said Erin, making her way back to the kitchen.
‘What do you mean?’ Jack followed her and unhooked his hoodie from the back of the kitchen door, preparing to leave.
‘From what I’ve seen of him, Chegs is a self-important …
banker.’ She leaned on the last word and was pleased when Jack nodded and laughed.
She was tempted to tell him about the times Riley came into work with eyes red-rimmed from crying because of some insensitive thing Chegs had said or done.
Erin always comforted her, keeping her counsel instead of saying what she really thought.
She didn’t want her friend to think she was judging, because then she might stop sharing her troubles with her.
Riley didn’t say much about her upbringing, but Erin gleaned that it was far from idyllic, and Erin had become a kind of substitute mum.
It wasn’t fair to give Jack any details.
It wasn’t her information to share. ‘He doesn’t deserve her.
He should be proud of her, bigging her up, not trying to diminish her achievement or keep her humble. ’
‘Agreed,’ said Jack. ‘She can’t see it, though?’
‘No. She’s too nice,’ said Erin. ‘She might be twenty-four, and have quite the potty mouth, but she’s got this air of innocence about her. She has no idea how special she is.’ She turned to her son and pinched his cheek. ‘Bit like you.’
Jack softly batted her hand away. ‘If you say so. Right, I’ll get off. Those graduate jobs aren’t going to find themselves.’
‘Good luck,’ said Erin, crossing her fingers. If Jack found the perfect job, that would be one worry off the list, at least.
‘Thanks. I have a feeling I’m going to need it.’
Erin watched Jack say goodbye to Riley on his way out, wishing life was easier for them.
It was hard to navigate the world when you had a tender young heart like those two.
It was hard enough with fifty-four years of experience under your belt.
Harder, perhaps, when responsibilities weighed heavy on your shoulders and you knew that happy ever afters were the things of fairytales.