Chapter Seventeen
Erin’s self-imposed deadline for telling everyone about the café’s fate was now only days away and she knew that once she’d said the words out loud, it would become hideously real.
In the meantime, she needed to be distracted from the turmoil of her churning thoughts, so when Susan sent a cryptic message asking her to join her in London for an afternoon out after her morning shift in the café a few days later, she agreed.
She presumed Susan wanted to go shopping, or to a gallery.
Her request for an itinerary only yielded the time of the train Susan wanted them to be on, and Erin hadn’t felt able to ask again without seeming like a weirdo.
Now Erin stood outside Blackheath station in the chilly afternoon air, wishing she’d worn something warmer than her denim jacket.
Despite it being late June, the blue skies of recent days had gone, and heavy clouds sagged with the promise of rain.
Five minutes before the train was due to depart, a tap on her shoulder made her turn to see her friend, dressed in a smart blue suit. She should have known she was nearby by the gorgeous floral fragrance that wafted up her nostrils a second before.
‘You’re all dressed up,’ Erin said, glancing down at her jeans and trainers.
Jack had convinced her double denim was fashionable again, but she still felt like an older, less attractive member of the nineties pop group, Bewitched, whenever she tried it.
Their song, ‘Blame It on the Weatherman’ had played in her head for her entire walk to the station.
‘Only because I’m nervous.’ Susan patted her hair with both hands, which indicated double the concern.
‘Nervous about what?’ said Erin, starting to feel unsettled herself. ‘I presumed we were going to Oxford Street or something.’ The muscles in her shoulders contracted. She didn’t like surprises. Susan should know that.
Susan turned and peered at the orange lettering on the departures board. ‘I’ll fill you in on the train,’ she said and marched towards the barriers, a disgruntled Erin fast on her heels.
Minutes later they were sitting side by side on a train rumbling towards London Charing Cross.
‘Right, spill,’ said Erin. ‘What have I let myself in for?’ She tried to sound jovial, but her need to clutch her bag tightly to her middle would have told any observant onlooker that she was feeling decidedly uncomfortable.
‘We’re going to make perfume.’
‘We’re doing what now?’ Erin turned to examine Susan’s face. Surely she couldn’t have heard her right?
‘I’ve booked us on to a ninety-minute taster course to learn how to make perfume. I didn’t tell you because I knew you wouldn’t come unless I let you pay for yourself.’
‘You were right,’ said Erin, loosening her grip on her bag. Perfume making was an odd choice of activity, but it didn’t sound like it held much peril.
‘And that wouldn’t have been fair because you’re not interested in making perfume.’
‘I might be,’ she said, trying to work out whether she was or not, which was difficult because the concept had never crossed her consciousness before.
‘You’re not,’ said Susan, defiantly. ‘And I didn’t want to go on my own, so since Bella and Sophia are both teaching during the week, I roped you in.
Selfish, I know, so the least I can do is pay for you.
’ The brakes squeaked as the train pulled into a station.
The doors whooshed open and passengers embarked and scanned the carriage before choosing seats furthest away from anyone else.
‘I feel foolish for not having the confidence to go along on my own. I’m so sorry for hoodwinking you into coming with me. ’
‘I forgive you … I think. Although I reserve the right to retract that. I’m flattered you want me to come with you.
’ Now the idea was sinking in, she was curious.
‘In fact, I haven’t experienced a single urge to jump off the train and get the next one home.
I don’t like surprises, though, so please don’t do it again. ’
Susan pinched her lips, seeming unconvinced. ‘I’m not sure I’d be so kind if you dragged me along to a barista course, or something like that.’
‘What can I say? I’m just an easygoing kinda gal.’ Erin grinned, releasing her grip on her bag so far it almost fell off her lap. She righted it. ‘And I’m quite excited now I know what we’re doing. I’m all for a new experience.’
‘You are not,’ said Susan, a little too quickly for Erin’s liking. ‘Sorry, that came out wrong. I meant, you usually give things a lot of thought before committing. That’s why I was deliberately vague about this afternoon.’
‘Sneaky,’ said Erin. ‘I feel properly hoodwinked now.’ She crossed her arms and pouted.
She was pretending to be offended, but in truth she was unsettled by Susan’s insight into how she came across.
No, that wasn’t the problem. The unsettling thing was that it was true.
She’d become someone who didn’t try new things and whose friends didn’t trust her to support them without running it through her internal risk assessment process.
That didn’t show her in a great light. ‘Why are we doing a perfume course, anyway?’
‘It’s for my last pages,’ said Susan. ‘I’m doing something for me.’
‘Good for you,’ said Erin, intrigued. ‘What’s the plan, then?’
‘First, I’ll see how today goes, and if I like it, I might book myself onto a longer, more intensive course.
’ She saw Erin’s concerned expression. ‘Don’t worry, I won’t try to rope you into that.
If I decide to do it, I’ll have to pull my big girl pants on and get on with it.
’ She lowered her voice. ‘The one I’ve got my eye on is quite pricey.
It would feel a bit indulgent to do it, but Stewart said I should.
I’m still only sixty. He said I should live a bit and do something for me. ’
Erin put her hand over Susan’s. ‘He’s absolutely right, bless him.’ Susan’s other half might be a workaholic, but he was a kind and loving husband when he was around.
‘And, you never know, if I manage to make something that doesn’t smell like a stink bomb, maybe I could take a stall at Blackheath Market on a Sunday.’
‘Get you and your entrepreneurial spirit,’ said Erin. ‘I love that idea. And even if you’re crap at it, then I’m sure there’s a market for stink bombs. I know there was when I was a kid.’
‘You make a good point,’ said Susan, an unusually childlike grin on her face. ‘We’re winning either way.’
Even at the start of the session, it was clear Susan wasn’t crap at creating beautiful scents.
Erin was. She’d listened carefully to the instructor, Serena, who spoke slowly, catching the eye of all fifteen people sitting around the enormous table in the clean, white room that looked like a laboratory.
She wore a serious expression and a blinding white lab coat when she explained the safety protocol.
‘You’ll be handling a variety of chemicals, some of them dangerous,’ she said.
Erin had never considered that concocting something you put on your skin would be a dangerous activity.
That made her vigilant and caused other worries to sneak through her brain to the front.
She was glad when they got to the practical part, because at least then her mind was occupied by not blinding anyone or causing an explosion, both of which seemed strangely probable from what she could gather.
‘On the paper in front of you, please write down the name of the person you’re creating the scent for, your ideal customer, if you will,’ said Serena. ‘Then write down the words which best describe the aroma you’d like to create for that person.’
Erin held the pen in her hand, but her mind was blank. Susan scribbled feverishly. Erin peered across at her paper and read, aromatic, with hints of sweet vanilla.
‘How do you know what to write?’ she whispered.
‘I’m making it up,’ said Susan. ‘I’m my ideal customer, so I’m writing down which scents I prefer.’
‘I like Lenor Summer Breeze fabric conditioner. Does that count?’ said Erin, the urge to giggle strong.
‘Write fresh and floral, then.’ Erin did, but couldn’t think of anything else. Susan said, ‘What about earthy?’
‘Like mud?’ said Erin, unable to stop her laughter then.
Susan smiled and shook her head. ‘Behave yourself.’
Erin tried. She listened to the next steps about top, mid and base notes, then dutifully donned the blue latex gloves and safety goggles but found managing the pipettes to take tiny amounts from the glass jars almost impossible.
The gloves were thin, but not thin enough for her to be dexterous. Then her goggles kept steaming up.
‘Did you take in all that information about the raw materials and essential oils and stuff?’ she whispered to Susan, when the instructor was helping someone at the far end of the table.
‘Yes,’ said Susan, picking up a small brown bottle and peering at the label. ‘Didn’t you?’
‘I failed O level chemistry,’ Erin said. ‘And now I remember why.’
Susan’s eyebrows made a stricken triangle. ‘I’m sorry for making you do this.’
‘God, no,’ said Erin, ‘I’m having a ball. Just because I’m rubbish at it, doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying it. And I’m looking forward to saying I was there at the start of your global perfume empire.’
‘Imagine,’ said Susan, dipping a scent stick into the bottle then waving it under her nose, then Erin’s.
‘Musky,’ said Erin, nodding as if she knew what she was talking about.
Something in the scent reminded her of Adam and her heart tilted.
She opened her mouth to tell Susan about how disappointing he’d proved to be, but closed it again.
He might be a disappointment, but he’d shared the news about his son, but hadn’t given her permission to tell anyone else, so she couldn’t spread it any further.
It wouldn’t be right, and she knew wrong from right, even if he didn’t.
‘You’re learning,’ said Susan. She let out a long, satisfied sigh. ‘I’m going to do the long course,’ she said, decisively. ‘It’s time I did something for me.’ She focused on Erin. ‘Thank you for coming along today. You helped me to be brave. If I can ever return the favour, just say the word.’
Erin was touched. ‘I will.’ But the words felt hollow in her mouth, because she didn’t believe she had the capacity to be brave, even with the help of her dear friends.
The things she had to tackle were insurmountable.
Change was coming and even the thought of the future made her toes curl inside her shoes.
‘I think we all have a lot to thank Adam for,’ said Susan.
‘Him coming to book group and questioning how we did things has led to all of us thinking about what we want for our next chapters, hasn’t it?
’ She dipped another scent stick in a bottle and brought it to her nose, breathing in the fragrance with her eyes closed.
‘I don’t think I’d be doing this if he hadn’t come along, and I haven’t been this excited about something for myself, rather than the girls, for as long as I can remember. ’
Erin was glad her friend wasn’t watching her, because she didn’t think she could disguise her disappointment in Adam. She didn’t feel like she had anything to thank him for, other than reminding her that taking a risk never, ever ended well.