Chapter Forty-Two
‘I’m so proud of you,’ Erin said to Riley, as they all took their seats again. ‘Are you going to share that on TikTok?’
‘Yep,’ said Riley. ‘And Insta.’
‘What about Chegs, though? Won’t he have something to say about it?’ Erin didn’t want Riley getting in trouble.
‘I got his permission.’ Riley moved her finger across the screen of her phone, then turned it to them, playing the part where she asks if Chegs is happy to be in the film.
‘You’re a clever one,’ said Susan. ‘Shrewd. I like it.’
‘It’s no more than he deserves,’ said Mercy, ‘treating you like that. He didn’t know when he was well off, that boy.’
‘Hate to be the voice of doom, but I think there might be an argument for him not being in a fit state to consent,’ said Adam. ‘He was absolutely hammered.’
‘I can always take it down if he threatens legal action,’ said Riley.
She tapped the screen with a flourish. ‘But it will have been shared a fair few times before he sobers up and thinks about checking. He always made noises about helping me with my career, he just never did anything about it. Now’s his chance.
’ She put her phone down. ‘Only Erin and Hafsa left now. Who’s going next? ’
‘I’m not sure I’ll be writing anything, actually,’ said Hafsa.
‘I’m not surprised you haven’t got time,’ said Susan. ‘You’re a busy GP with three kids. I’m astonished you’ve got time to read, never mind write.’
‘It’s not that.’ Hafsa watched her hand as she stroked the fabric of her trousers. ‘It’s because I feel like I’m letting you all down. You’ve all made such brave and significant changes to your lives, and I’ve decided I’m not going to do that after all.’
‘What do you mean?’ said Erin.
‘When we started this, I was questioning whether I still wanted to be a GP. I knew I wanted to help Zahra and people who were going through similar things, but … I’ve had a rethink.’
‘What changed your mind?’ said Adam.
‘A woman came into the surgery in a bit of a state,’ said Hafsa. ‘Her son had recently been given an ASD diagnosis, and she didn’t know where to turn.’
‘Aren’t people offered support after a diagnosis?’ said Susan.
‘Some,’ said Hafsa. ‘But not as much as I’d like.
It was talking to the mother that reminded me why I do the job.
She was a single parent, and she didn’t feel like anyone understood what she was going through.
Her focus was on her son’s needs, but it was taking a huge toll on her mental health, and she came to me full of guilt and shame about not being able to cope.
I was her first port of call. That got me thinking. ’
‘That’s so sad,’ said Riley. ‘I can see why that would make you want to stay. What you do is invaluable.’
‘Thank you,’ Hafsa remained serious. ‘At the end of that day, I arranged a meeting with the practice manager. I told her I’d been thinking of a career change, but that I’d had another idea.
I asked her whether there would be funding for an extra clinic to support neurodivergent people and their families. ’
‘That’s a brilliant idea,’ said Erin. ‘What did they say?’
Hafsa held her hands together in her lap.
‘It hasn’t been fully signed off yet, but it looks like it’s going to get the green light.
If all goes to plan, I’ll do my usual GP hours four days a week but have a full day to dedicate to my new project.
I’ve already booked a couple of courses so I’m up to speed on all the latest research and treatment options.
’ Her eyes were bright. ‘I’m pretty excited about it. ’
‘I thought you said you weren’t making changes?’ said Adam. ‘That sounds like a hugely positive change to me, one that will have a far-reaching impact.’
‘That’s right,’ said Erin. ‘Your last pages sound downright amazing.’
‘I thought I was letting the side down by not changing jobs like I thought I would.’ Hafsa looked around, her expression hopeful. ‘I usually make a point of doing what I say I’m going to do. I felt like I was being weak by not following through on my initial plan.’
‘Absolutely not. Sometimes the bravest thing to do is to stay put,’ said Adam. He focused on Erin and warmth flooded through her veins. Turning back to Hafsa, he said, ‘And you’re changing things from within the system, and that’s not always an easy thing to do.’
‘Thank you,’ said Hafsa. ‘This exercise has been really useful in making me look at what I want from my life. I was beginning to think I’d taken the path of least resistance, like other people were in control and I’d gone along with it like a puppet, but now I don’t think that was the case.
I was just feeling jaded. Now I’m learning again and have got all these new plans, the dissatisfaction I felt has been replaced by a new enthusiasm. ’
‘So, your change is keeping things the same, but different,’ said Mercy. ‘There’s a lot to be said for that.’
Erin saw her moment. ‘Speaking of the same, but different.’ She held her breath for a second, then let it out in a rush. ‘If all goes well with the meeting I’ve got with the bank tomorrow, The Bookmark will be closing down for a bit, but only so I can make a few changes.’
‘Oh,’ said Susan, her brow furrowed. ‘I thought the plan was to keep The Bookmark going.’
‘It is, kind of.’ Erin searched for the right words.
She’d practised what she wanted to say at home in her flat but now, with her friends’ eyes all trained on her, her excitement turned to trepidation again and her brain felt fuzzy.
‘What I mean is, seeing the potential of that space in Kidbrooke gave me an idea, and what Riley said on stage cemented it. I love the idea of the café being a part of the local community, and I think it could be more things to more people if it was bigger.’
The group looked around the café. Joe cleared his throat. ‘So, are you moving it somewhere else?’
‘Nope, at least not if I can finance the new plan.’ She glanced nervously at Adam and he nodded his encouragement.
‘I’ve done the maths, and a business plan, and with the extra money from the fundraiser, plus if I mortgage my flat, I should be able to raise enough of a deposit to buy this building from Galmouth Estates and convert it into one big unit. ’
Susan’s jaw fell open. ‘Are they selling?’
‘Let’s just say that during our meeting yesterday, they realized that their plans were no longer …
viable, so they were pretty keen to get shot of both this unit and the gift shop before anyone looked any more closely at their business dealings.
If my calculations are right, the mortgage payments should be less than the current rent, so that would make things a lot easier, and I’ll have twice the square footage, so I can put on events, do workshops, all kinds of things I can’t do with the space I’ve got.
I want to make it into a real community hub. ’
When she finished, a moment of panic made her blurt out, ‘You think it’s a terrible idea, don’t you?’
‘Of course not,’ said Joe. ‘Although, that saying springs to mind: who are you, and what have you done with Erin? This is a big change, my girl.’
‘I know, and I’m terrified, but I’m excited too,’ she said. She clasped her hands in front of her. ‘But I’m also worried that by changing the café, I’m messing with Mum’s legacy.’
Joe shook his head. ‘Your future is what matters, Erin, not the past. And it sounds like you’re continuing her legacy by carrying on the café, and forging your own by making it bigger and better. I think Mary would be incredibly proud of you. I know I am.’ His watery eyes told her it was true.
‘It sounds like a good plan to me,’ said Mercy.
‘Me too,’ said Susan. ‘I’m so proud of you for deciding to make a change. I know how hard this must’ve been for you.’
‘I’m excited!’ said Riley. She turned to Erin. ‘I take it I’ll still be working here, right?’
‘Of course, if you aren’t too in demand after the response down in Kidbrooke. How many gigs have you got lined up now?’
Riley wiggled in her seat. ‘Seven so far.’
‘So far?’ said Hafsa. ‘That’s amazing.’
‘And I want to be the first performer when this place reopens,’ Riley said.
‘Naturally,’ said Erin.
‘It’s going to be amazing,’ said Adam, the lines beside his eyes creasing as he grinned. ‘You’re going to make it into a huge success.’
‘You think so?’ She searched his face, finding absolute conviction there and taking strength from that.
‘I know so.’ He reached for her hand. She let him take it, and with him and all her friends by her side, she allowed herself to believe it too.
Joe stayed behind when the others said their goodbyes. ‘Can I have a quick word about your plans?’
Erin’s heart thumped in her chest. Was he about to offer words of caution? Did he think she was being too ambitious? ‘Of course.’ They both took a seat at the table by the door.
‘I’ve been giving this a lot of thought, so hear me out before you jump in, okay? I don’t like you having to mortgage your flat. That’s your home, yours and Jack’s.’
He did think she was being reckless. He didn’t trust her to make a go of it. Stomach twisting, she began to try to justify her decision, ‘If I can—’
He raised a hand to stop her. ‘Let me finish. I’ve been thinking for a while that it’s time I downsized.
What does an old man like me need with a three-bedroom house?
I had a nice fella around to value it a couple of weeks ago, and you wouldn’t believe the price he put on it.
’ He shook his head as if truly flabbergasted.
‘And I’ve seen a nice little one-bedroom place on the ground floor … guess where?’
‘Where?’ Erin crossed her fingers under the table, praying it wasn’t somewhere like Bournemouth or Eastbourne. She’d understand completely if he wanted to spend his next chapters by the sea, but the thought of not seeing her old friend daily made tears collect behind her eyes.
‘The same place as you.’ His gentle eyes searched her face, as if he was nervous about her response.
She blinked. ‘Dartmouth Grove?’
‘The very one. Would that be all right? I’m not planning to be a burden, and you must say if you’d rather not have me so close by.’
Erin flung her arms around his neck. ‘Of course I want you close by. It would be perfect.’ She sat back, blowing out her cheeks. ‘I thought you were going to say you were moving away.’ They beamed at each other. ‘Just wait until I tell Jack. He’s going to be over the moon.’
‘When I move,’ said Joe, his face turning serious again, ‘there will be a fair bit of cash spare.’ He took her hand in his. ‘So I’d prefer it if you let me help with the deposit for this place rather than you mortgaging your home.’
He didn’t think it was a bad idea. He wanted to help. Erin’s heart felt like it might burst. ‘You don’t have to—’
‘Stop that. I know what you said before, but who do you think are beneficiaries in my will? You and Jack. My family. Nuala and I agreed on it years ago. You’ve always been like a daughter to us, and I don’t see why I have to be dead before giving you what’s coming your way anyway.
I’d rather you didn’t argue with me on this. ’
‘But what if I can’t make it work? What if I lose the money you worked so hard for?’
‘I don’t believe you will, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take, if you are?’
‘I’m scared.’
‘I know, love, and that’s no bad thing. It shows how much it means to you. It can be a driving force to make things work if you harness it right.’ He lay his hand over hers. ‘You know what they say, the bravest people are the ones who are scared but do it anyway. You’ll let me help you?’
Tybalt bashed his head against her shin, then looked up at her with beseeching eyes, as if adding to Joe’s argument. ‘Thank you,’ was all Erin could manage, although it wasn’t nearly enough.
‘No need to thank me. It’s a selfish act, in a way. I want to see the changes and watch you and this place flourish.’
‘You don’t have a selfish bone in your body,’ said Erin, hugging him again. Tybalt jumped onto Joe’s lap, mewling his agreement, as Erin let the laughter and tears come.