Chapter Five
~Paxon’s POV~
The door clicked shut behind me, and for a moment I just stood there on the porch, staring out at the dark street. The air was damp and cool as the weather dealt with that weird transitional period where winter tried to hold on and spring wasn’t willing to wait.
I shoved my hands in my jacket pockets and headed down the walkway. A stray wind blew past, carrying the faintest scent of rain and thawing soil.
Had it really been that long since I told Cadence I needed space? I told her when winter had only just arrived back in December. And already, it was March and winter was on its way out. I thought of Seth’s warning.
I was screwing this up, I knew that. I just didn’t know what to do. Not with her, not with my feelings for her, but also not with her relationship with the others. It was all so jumbled and confusing.
My thoughts ran in circles as I got in my car and started it. Before I had a chance to back out of the driveway, my phone buzzed. I almost ignored it, too scared to see if it was Cadence or Seth. Granted, I wasn’t even sure the last time Cadence even sent me a message personally.
Maybe it was our group chat?
I didn’t want to look at the one with Cadence in it though. It was the usual when it came to the others. Planning outings and dinners and life and the more they kept going the more I felt so out of place.
I got up the nerve to check. What if it was Dad or Cal?
I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw it was a message from Justin.
Justin: Can you give me a ride?
Paxon: Where are you?
Justin: School. I was wrapping up some stuff and stayed a little later than expected. Aunt Laura can’t pick me up.
Relief loosened something in my chest. I was glad it was him. Justin was easy to deal with. He left it up to us to talk, never pushing. The others were pushing me, but Justin hadn’t. Not yet, at least.
Paxon: On my way.
I put the car in gear and pulled into the street. The night air misted the windshield, little droplets catching the light from the streetlamps. The roads were slick with melting snow, and I drove carefully, letting that focus keep my mind away from Cadence.
The drive to school was quiet except for the soft thrum of the tires on wet pavement.
When I pulled into the parking lot, Justin was there by the curb, hood up, a duffel slung over one shoulder.
He lifted a hand when he spotted me and jogged across the pavement.
He yanked the door open and dropped into the seat, the smell of chlorine and cheap soap filling the car immediately.
Swim season had been over for a couple of weeks now, but he was still adamant about pool time when he could. The guy was secretly a fish.
The moment he settled in, he exhaled sharply, rubbing his hands together.
“Cold,” he muttered, setting the bag between his feet.
“Yeah.” I turned up the heat a little and pulled out of the lot.
He didn’t say much at first, just stared out the window.
After a minute, he asked, “You were at Seth’s?”
“Yeah.”
“With Cadence?”
The question was simple. My pulse wasn’t. “Yeah.”
He nodded once, like he already knew the answer and just wanted to hear me admit it. “How’d it go?”
“Fine.”
He made a quiet sound that could’ve been a laugh. “You don’t sound fine.”
“It’s...complicated,” I said, gripping the wheel tighter.
“It’s been complicated for a while now,” he said in a lower voice. He didn’t need to say it. I knew he was thinking what everyone else had been saying. For me to get my shit together already and decide before there was no longer a decision to be made.
I huffed, gripping the steering wheel tighter. “We were just going over homework. She missed some work and I’m helping her catch up. That’s all.”
“Sure.” His tone wasn’t mocking—just calm, matter-of-fact. “You keep telling yourself that if it helps.”
The heater clicked softly as it cycled higher. Rain began falling again, light and steady, tracing slow lines down the windshield.
After a long moment, Justin spoke again, quieter this time. “You care about her.”
It wasn’t a question.
“Yeah.” It’d be dumb of me to pretend otherwise. “But it isn’t just me. All of us like her.”
“And so you won’t do anything about it.”
“I can’t,” I said, voice barely above the hum of the engine. “It’s not that simple.”
He nodded, eyes still on the road ahead. “Maybe not. This is worse than any calculus problems we’ve had to face. But waiting isn’t going to do anything. It doesn’t fix anything.”
I didn’t respond.
He turned slightly in his seat, the dim glow from the dashboard catching the edge of his profile. “You’re overthinking it again.”
“I’m trying not to mess anything up.”
Justin didn’t look away. “You already are.”
That landed harder than I wanted it to. He wasn’t wrong.
In fact, he was more right than I wanted to think about.
Being around her did something to me I couldn’t quite shake.
I wanted to touch her—lightly, casually, in ways that felt natural.
I wanted to talk with her and hear that soft laugh she made when she was trying to hold back.
To watch the way her eyes brightened when she forgot to be guarded.
I wanted those moments where she relaxed enough to let herself just exist with us, without fear or apology.
And the worst part? I liked all of it. More than I should. More than I’d ever admit to any of them.
We drove the rest of the way to his place in silence. It wasn’t exactly uncomfortable, but I could sense there was a lot he still wanted to say.
When I stopped in front of his house, Justin grabbed his bag but didn’t open the door right away.
“I can’t make you do anything,” Justin said slowly.
“I just know what I think and feel. And Cadence, she feels more than right in a lot of ways. And you know that too. I don’t want you to miss this, to run away without giving anything a solid chance.
I don’t want you regretting anything. You deserve the world too.
And maybe this kind of relationship, this kind of love and support is exactly what you need to live your life. ”
He stepped out into the drizzle and jogged toward the porch. The front light flickered on from his movement, soft and yellow against the wet night.
I sat there a while longer, mulling over what Justin said. Justin only gave advice when it was truly needed, when someone was being overly hardheaded. It was rare that Justin’s advice was aimed at me. It was usually with Toby and Bryan, when Seth and I weren’t able to get through to them.
I briefly rested my head against the steering wheel before getting the energy to pull back out and head home.
I knew I was approaching that moment when it’d be too late. When Cadence would be fed up with me and be over it. I just wasn’t sure anymore if I’d already crossed it or not. And I didn’t want to know if I was too late either. It terrified me to think I missed it.