Chapter 12
At Janet’s urging, Mack arrived at the track an hour before the Tuesday orientation meeting, but her nerves felt like one of Shaw’s little stretch toys pulled in opposite directions.
She was ready for the track at dawn, eager to get in the car and see what she could do, but the weaker part of her wanted to sweep in at the last minute so she wouldn’t have to face Leo.
She hadn’t seen him since the dark hours of Saturday morning when she’d called a rideshare and snuck away from his house like a stupid, scared mouse.
He’d texted, a simple did you get home okay?
and she’d responded with a cowardly yup.
A hookup was one thing, but a hookup with her teammate was a relapse into behavior she could no longer afford.
She’d held herself so tightly since Shaw was born, made safe decisions, done everything she could to create stability .
. . and yet she’d come to Indianapolis and lost her damn mind in less time than Shaw’s holiday break from school.
Laurie wasn’t wrong in her silent censure.
Thank god Shaw was two hundred miles away, home and not exposed to her mother’s chaos.
What Mack hadn’t been able to articulate to Laurie was that she hadn’t acted out of sheer recklessness.
In the past, she would have found any man at all, anyone willing to make her body feel good and her mind go blank.
She used to crave that adrenaline rush the same way she’d craved fast cars and winning races.
But Leo was different. She wanted him. The way he put other people at ease and had a connection with every person on the team.
The way he built her up instead of knocking her down.
The way he’d gripped her thighs and told her she was so fucking beautiful.
He made her feel like she was a woman, someone worth knowing, and she could grow addicted to that feeling.
Even though it was early, the track already buzzed with palpable energy and hundreds of people—mechanics, engineers, support staff, hospitality, sponsors, and more—hustled purposefully around the infield.
So many people, all with a singular purpose: to qualify a car to race on the world’s most famous racetrack on the last Sunday of May.
JJR had a hauler each for Mack’s and Leo’s cars, a semitrailer of tools and electronics, and a large trailer that served as office, meeting space, respite for the drivers, and lunch cart.
In the JJR garage, the mechanics and engineers were fine-tuning the car before practice began, but Mack avoided them.
What if Leo had mentioned their extracurricular activities?
Antsy but not willing to brave her own garage, Mack walked around the infield, taking in the buzz of activity.
Near the media center, news stations and reporters and YouTubers spread in serpentine lines, and drivers moved along the asphalt from one interview to the next.
In the past, she’d loved media attention, the fans scrambling to meet her, being Wes Williams’s daughter, the perks and invites and free gear, and most of all, being known for being very, very good at her job.
But now she gave the media area a wide berth, too afraid to find Leo there.
She hated that she’d ruined this moment for herself.
This wasn’t how she wanted to experience her first and only Indy 500—no sponsor, no recent accomplishments, avoiding everyone because she’d slept with the wrong guy.
Turning her head to look up at the Pagoda, she tried to think about the good things to come, not the mistake she’d made that weekend with Leo Raisman.
Too bad she walked smack into him.
Everything suddenly felt big and small at the same time. The wide Indiana sky, the towering Pagoda, the immenseness of the track surrounded her, but all she could see were the tight lines around Leo’s mouth. She had no idea what to say.
He stared at her a beat too long, then tilted his head toward the long rows of RVs and haulers. “We need to check in at the team trailer.”
She’d just come from the JJR hospitality bus but followed Leo anyway, assuming he knew something she did not.
They walked quickly, exchanging bland conversation on the day’s schedule and Mack found herself hoping they’d never talk about Friday night.
That they would both pretend it never happened and go forward as teammates only.
When they reached the JJR coach, Leo held the door open for her before following her inside and closing it.
“What the—”
“You left,” he said, his voice as even as always. She whirled around to look behind her. “It’s just us,” Leo assured her. He gestured for her to move to the center of the bus, away from the windows. “Why did you leave?”
Mack pushed forward toward the door. “If someone saw us come in here . . .”
“They’ll think we’re two teammates grabbing a snack. How did you get home?”
“Rideshare.” She sounded like her daughter, petulant and irritated. She crossed her arms for good measure.
“How’s your chin?”
She pressed on the cut, needing the small sting. “Healing.”
“I would have driven you home. I wanted to drive you home.”
“It wasn’t a fucking date, Leo.” He startled, and if their situation was different, she might have thought she hurt his feelings. “I’m sorry I fell asleep at your house. Must have been the beer.”
He blinked. “Were you . . . ?”
She shook her head. “Very sober. The dumb decisions were all mine.”
His face was perfectly placid, his body language unreadable.
She didn’t know him well enough to guess what he was thinking.
Hell, she didn’t even know what she wanted him to say.
She felt like that stretch toy again, one side of her wanting him to forget their sexy shower and the other wanting to kiss him again.
She needed to get Leo Raisman out of her face and her head now.
“Did you tell anyone?”
He blinked several times as his thick brows came together. “Who would I tell?”
She hugged her arms over her chest. “I don’t know. Janet. The crew. Jericho. Boomer.”
“I wouldn’t do that. I would never do that.” He shoved a hand through his messy curls and blew out a frustrated breath. “What happened Friday . . . it’s between us. It doesn’t have anything to do with JJR or the race.”
Mack knew she was being a hypocrite. He may not have told anyone, but she’d told Laurie.
“I don’t sleep around with people at the track,” she told him now. “If anyone finds out . . . I’ll be the woman who slept her way into a job and you’ll be the badass dude who fucked his teammate.”
He dropped his hands from his hair and stared at her as if she were speaking in tongues. “I had nothing to do with you joining JJR.”
“I know that, but no one will care if they find out I—” She tossed a casual hand in his direction.
“We,” he emphasized, “are two adults. Is it messy that we’re teammates and attracted to each other? Sure, but we don’t have to say or share anything until we figure out what we want to do.”
“What we want to do? There’s nothing to do, Leo. It was a mistake. Anything more than a professional relationship is a mistake.”
Her words reverberated through the small space, made extra loud by Leo’s silence. He hadn’t looked away from her face since they entered the bus. After a painfully long moment, he said, “So . . . that’s it?” He looked at her in a way that made her feel white-hot rage. Like she’d actually hurt him.
“Leo, how many women do you see in the paddock?” Even though her stomach boiled with frustration, she waited patiently for him to answer.
He conceded with a shake of his head. “Exactly,” she said with fury.
“Whether I want it or not, I’m the example of what a woman in motorsports looks like.
If I’m anything other than professional with my teammate, I’m proof that women can only succeed if they sleep their way to the top.
All it takes is one person finding out to ruin my reputation and the reputations of other women in racing. ”
She stopped before she said the thing that had kept her awake through the weekend, the other half of why she couldn’t indulge in Leo Raisman: No matter what happened in qualifications, even if she made the race, she’d end her Indy 500 bid with a trip right back home while Leo moved on.
She’d never introduced Shaw to a man and she wasn’t going to start now.
In her lowest moments, she realized that she’d never let herself be in a relationship until Shaw no longer lived at home.
The one time Mack had let Shaw stay with Kelley, he’d left Shaw with a girlfriend and she’d come home with a fracture and sores.
Shaw was older now but Mack would never again trust anyone so easily with her daughter.
Wes had dated Billie for months before Mack would let her spend supervised time with Shaw.
“It was a fun night, Leo. But that’s all it was. One misguided night.”
His eyes moved back and forth between her own, as if looking for a hole in her argument. She uncrossed her arms and hoped she projected more stern resolve than she actually felt. Leo inhaled deeply, bobbed his head in a quick nod, and said, “If that’s what you need.”
She nodded emphatically. That was what she needed.
“But we’re still cool? As teammates?”
The sharp look Leo gave her was gutting, like she’d offended him. “Yeah, we’re still teammates, Rookie.” He glanced at his watch. “Teammates who need to get to the garage. C’mon.”
He led her out of the bus and Mack had the sinking feeling that by choosing what she needed, she’d ruined something she wanted.
No matter, because she couldn’t have it anyway.
If she thought things would feel less edgy on the track, she was sorely mistaken.