Chapter 25 #2
‘I wasn’t. I would never have done anything that would hurt people. Jenny and I thought we were giving women a chance to liberate their minds for a little while.’
He grunted. ‘Intent and outcome do not always go hand in hand. There’s a reason the law changed regarding opium and laudanum. It is too easy to misuse it.’
‘Yes, I realise that,’ Gwen said. ‘Though is it any worse than the use of gin? How many people spend their days insensible because of that?’
He grunted. ‘That’s not a convincing argument.’
‘No, I know it isn’t.’
Gwen walked to the window and looked down into the street, blinking to banish the tears that threatened to surface.
‘I deeply regret what Augusta did, and any part we played in her dreadful business, but I needed money, and I earnt it. I supported myself and I supported my husband. How many women can say that? I won’t apologise for it any longer.’
Danny didn’t speak for a very long time. He rubbed the base of his thumb with his other thumb, massaging the soft flesh thoughtfully.
‘Now that you have left your marriage, where will you go?’
Gwen balled her hands as anxious nausea filled her belly. ‘I’m not sure. I know of a room in a boarding house that is shortly to become vacant. Perhaps I will take the lease on that. Or perhaps I will travel. I haven’t given up hope that I might be able to do some good for Archie.’
Danny met her eyes and the lump of lead in Gwen’s stomach lightened a little.
‘You are a very determined woman, Gwen Walters.’
‘I may return to being Gwen Lewis,’ she murmured. The words came out of her mouth without prompting, and at that instant, she made the decision. A new identity as a widow, in case there were any repercussions.
‘As you wish,’ Danny said. ‘I will admire you under whatever guise you adopt. Come with me back to Wales, as I asked you before.’
Gwen’s eyes opened wide. ‘You still want me to come and look after Ruth, after everything you know I have done?’
‘Yes.’ Danny’s hands dropped to his side.
‘I have failed to look after Ruth properly. She needs a mother, and I cannot be that. I am not a father. I have no wife. As you have seen, Ruth is obstinate and she still has these delusions that she could have a future acting on the stage, or worse. It is going to take me a long time to get those thoughts out of her head.’
Gwen stared at the door of the adjoining bedroom where Ruth was still recovering.
Despite her brazenness, she was so young and she had suffered so much, but something in Gwen responded to that determination with sympathy.
Crushing it completely would end badly. Though she could understand why Danny would not see it that way.
‘Give me a home and a wage and I will look after Ruth. Bella, too, if you’ll take her in. I think she needs a new start away from the life she’s lived so far.’
It was the new start she needed, too.
‘That is all you want from me?’ Danny asked.
Gwen swallowed her nerves down. ‘Is there more I should want?’
Danny raised his eyes slowly. His face was solemn.
‘More than I can express eloquently. I knew the moment I saw you in the street that my feelings for you never ended. When you told me you were still married, it crushed me. I want you to come because I love you. I cannot bear the thought of losing you again and spending what remains of my life, wishing I had spoken out.’
He held her hands tightly and raised them to his lips, causing flames of desire to rush through Gwen’s arms and into her chest.
‘Even if Ruth had not found herself in those circumstances, I would have found a reason to beg you to return with me. Gwennie, will you please come home with me? My offer is open without conditions, and you may take the cottage, but any time you wish to appear at my door it will open to you, as will my heart.’
A bubble inside her popped, but all it released was joy.
She put her hands around Danny’s waist and shifted them upwards across his back, firm and slender with muscles that could have belonged to a man ten years his junior.
A little stab of lust darted through her and made her smile.
She could enjoy getting to know this body.
One day, when the time was right for both of them, she would.
She raised her head up and parted her lips, keeping her eyes on Danny’s and watching them fill with eagerness.
The kiss that followed was one they both instigated, and felt more equal than anything she had remembered doing with Archibald.
Her heart fluttered but she felt no guilt at the prospect of becoming an adulteress.
It would give Archibald the reason he needed to divorce her.
If she returned to Swansea, even as a tenant in Danny’s cottage, the rumours would no doubt start, and her reputation would be ruined, so she might as well enjoy herself.
Augusta had told her she would be happier if she stepped outside the expectations of society, and Gwen realised she didn’t really care.
‘We’ll take things slowly. Neither of us are too old that we need to grasp our last years.’ She grinned at him. ‘You are not in your dotage yet, Daniel Parry.’
He laughed. ‘You are remarkable.’
‘I am starting to believe that,’ Gwen said.