Chapter 31
31
The sounds of London streets rage as I toss and turn in bed. My shitty desk fan is on full blast to drown out the sound and circulate the hot city air.
It’s been five days since I last saw Eric. Since we sat in awkward silence, leaning on stunted conversation about everything except the thing we needed to talk about. We haven’t spoken; instead, I’ve been counting down the days until the presentations and stewing on our night together, his words in my living room, the bomb Susie dropped; they swirl together into one big gelatinous mess until my brain can’t occupy anything else.
It’s only 9 p.m., the summer sun just settling into darkness, but I forced myself to go to bed early, hoping to get a good night’s sleep before the presentation tomorrow afternoon. Forgetting that lying in bed wide awake tends to wrench my mind open and let all the things I can avoid during the day slide out. I need to get this over with.
The phone light glares bright against the darkness of my bedroom as I type, delete, and retype a message. Finally, I close my eyes as I hit send:
Can we talk?
Immediately regretting it, I toss my phone to the other side of the bed and throw an arm over my eyes. Can we talk? What do I even want to say to him? I want to come clean about Dharmash, I want to tell him I’m sorry for not being honest with him, that the night we had together meant something to me, so much that I can’t stop thinking about it whenever I’m alone. Even if he actually replies, how am I meant to articulate those thoughts via text?
I pick up my phone, typing out another message.
Actually, sorry, don’t worry abou
Three dots appear on the screen, quickly transforming into a location pin drop. My chest instantly tightening, I click the phone screen off, as though pretending to not see it makes it go away.
He wants me to come to him? I can’t do that. The presentations are in eighteen hours. Seeing him now would be reckless, impulsive and completely idiotic.
I whip off the covers and head out of the door.