30. Honoria
Chapter Thirty
Honoria
The doorbell rang. Molly barked all the way to it and kept barking until I dragged my aching body to the damn thing and peeked out.
My ex’s figure was wavy, but there was no mistaking the navy suit and that ugly Swarovski and embroidered tie.
I’d paid three grand for the silk abomination.
And despite the divorce, he still wore it like a trophy to my stupidity.
“Go away, Jim.”
I was in no shape for a visit. I was on day number unknown of puking my guts out. This day’s lovely discovery was the smell of carpet cleaner.
Funny how Molly having an accident didn’t bother me. It was the overly powder-smelling spray meant to clean up the mess that had me racing to the nearest sink to spit out foamy bile and gag on nothing but air. My nose and stomach had teamed up; both were determined to kill me.
The charges were reduced pending trial. I wore an ankle bracelet. And I had to talk to Jim because the firm insisted he was on the case. Meanwhile, my license to practice was suspended indefinitely for murder.
Manslaughter, self-defense... defense of the owner of the home. The terms clung to me like nightmares.
I’d stopped therapy against everyone’s advice.
What good would it do?
I was fully pregnant. Tomorrow was the three-month mark.
He tapped on the glass. “Honor? Open up, I’m representing my client. He wants to help you and be here for his child.”
Oh shit. Wombat was here? I plastered my forehead against the glass and soaked in its chill to calm my stomach. “Tell your client, it might not happen!”
Wombat’s voice drifted through the wall. “Honor? Please don’t get upset. Please?”
Jim cut him off. “You need to discuss this situation with him. He has a right to be here. At least for visits.”
I yanked open the door and literally growled like a wolf at Jim. “Fine. But you have to leave.” I hated his face, that stupid glittery tie, and the sound of his voice.
Which just wouldn’t stop yapping at me. “Honor, I did the best I could. But you didn’t make it easy. What were you thinking, confessing?”
“I told the truth,” I reminded him for the fortieth time.
“You know better than that!”
Wombat squeezed around him. “Go home, Jim. She’s obviously still mad at you.”
No, I was mad at both of them. They had teamed up. Traitors.
“Leave my house.” I pointed at the door.
Jim and Wombat gaped at each other. Wombat spoke first. “She used the tone.”
“I know.” Jim grimaced.
“I told you, she’s tough.”
I’d had enough. “Stop talking about me like I’m not here. Otherwise, neither of you get an invitation, claim or not. Lawyer or not. Leave.”
Jim held up a piece of paper.
I didn’t bother to read it. I knew what it would say. “Since when are you taking parental rights cases?”
“Since one of my clients is going to be a father.”
“Might be,” I reminded him. I threw that out with all the anger bubbling inside. No sooner than the words drifted away, I wanted to break down and cry.
Luckily, I carried a box of tissues around with me. “Fucking hormones.” I wiped my eyes dry and powered away from the door and up the stairs. The door clicked as Jim exited. Wombat followed me with Molly prancing around him like she’d missed him.
Of course she did. He’d taken a bullet for her.
And just like that, I was reaching for a fresh tissue.
“He’s a dick, but for what it’s worth, I think he’s a good lawyer.”
I tossed the soggy paper into the trash. “I can’t even be that.”
Wombat’s face was blanched and blotchy. His eyes were soulful and the hurt in them tore at my chest. He shifted his weight. “A five-year suspension isn’t that long.”
If I was found guilty of the lowest charge or took the reduced plea, I’d lose my ability to practice for five years. Yet, it could be longer, or never. “I might as well find another career. Five years is a death sentence. I’ll never work in criminal law again.”
He sat down on my couch, still moving slower than normal. His gunshot wound was healed, but he was always careful around me. Like one wrong move would make me snap. Which was the truth. I’d been snapping at everyone lately. Or puking. Or crying.
He spoke, “You know what this does, right?”
I glared at him.
“We’re equal.” He held his end of the staring contest.
I broke first. “What?”
He leaned back, going as far to put an arm across the back of the couch and crossing one leg across the other.
“We’re both starting over. Walt has me fixing trucks.
I’m finding out I’m not bad at it. I’m going to be a diesel mechanic.
Bonus, the pay is decent. Lemon’s going to vet school and there’s a non-profit paying for it.
Plus, they’re covering the renovations on the farm so we can keep doing rescues if needed. ”
Meanwhile, my career was in ruins. So much so, that I’d probably never recover. That negativity made me fire back at him, “That’s not how it works. People don’t just give you money.”
“I know. Jim set it up. The club’s helped to get donors and Jim’s beating down doors to find more.”
No wonder those two were so chummy.
“He thought you might like to manage the non-profit.”
Color me speechless. Jim did all that? “Oh?”
“I told ya he’s a good lawyer. But he’s not good at managing things. He said when you two were married, you took care of all the details. He even said that you’d probably be better at contract law than criminal, but that’s still years away… The important part right now is, you’re not in jail.”
The weight of my ankle bracelet said otherwise. “I killed someone.”
Wombat laughed until his face turned red.
“Don’t laugh, it’s not funny.”
He tried to stop but only got as far as smiling. “You should become a judge. You threw the book at her.”
“Wombat!”
“Black’s Law Dictionary? You couldn’t find anything harder?”
“Shut up.”
“What? Are you at a loss for words?”
My nostrils flared. I knew where he was getting this from. “You and the club won’t stop will you? Fly’s calling me Big Mama and singing at me. Boots is worse, calling me the Sultana of Swat. Kid calls me Slugger…”
“Walt says the book’s better than the movie.”
I screamed my frustration to the ceiling. “One of these days—”
“Hoot’s back.”
Wombat’s statement stupefied me into stillness. “He survived?”
“Yeah. Shocked the hell out of me. ‘Landed on my head one evening when I was fixing a fence. He tried to bite my ear because I didn’t have any grubs for him. And, his wing is doing better.”
I deflated onto the love seat opposite from him.
“How’s DA?”
“Good. He misses Molly though.” Of course, Molly perked up her ears at the mention of her and her best friend’s names.
He continued, “I’d say bring her over for a visit, but you can’t.” He glanced down at the electronic monitor locked around my leg. While I could leave the house, Wombat’s house and the farm were part of an exclusion zone because it had been the scene of the crime.
He leaned forward to ask, “How much longer do you have to wear that?”
“Eighteen days, then, who knows? Denise is going to watch Molly during the trial.”
“That’s bullshit.”
It was kind of him to take offense, but I’d resigned to necessity. “At least I’m not locked up. The high-risk pregnancy was a deciding factor to let me post bail.”
His quiet question was almost a whisper. “When’s your next doctor appointment? I’d like to come.”
“Wednesday.” Passing the three-month mark was a milestone I’d not thought I’d meet. Neither had my medical team even though they never spoke their fears out loud.
“I’ll be there. I mean, if that’s okay with you? I won’t fight for custody. Jim was blowing smoke.” He looked down to cover the lie.
“You’ll need custody…if. They could lock me up at any time. Jim’s right. It was stupid to confess.”
“No, he ain’t, you’re going to beat this. But if you’re cool with joint custody, I’m good.” There were words in his eyes that didn’t match the ones coming out of his mouth.
I needed to know. “Are you? Are you good?”
“No. I miss you. I’m missing out. I’m not here to help you. Or hold you, or anything. I want all that.”
That sounded...nice. In another life, another situation, I’d take advantage of that.
“You almost died because of me… because of Molly, and that’s on me.”
“I’d do it again in a heartbeat. You, Molly, Dumb Ass, and hopefully, our—”
I had to cut him off. “It’s only been three months.”
“That’s the first milestone. Jim’s been in my ear about it, and I’ve been reading a lot. Three is huge.”
It was. I was counting my days in hours, minutes, and seconds. Comparing notes every moment I was awake. I had nothing to distract me from it now. My voice was hoarse when I admitted, “Five months and sixteen days is the next one. He was too small to make it.”
Wombat crossed the space between us and sat down next to me to take my hand. “And then twenty-five weeks. That’s even better odds.”
We sat in silence. Molly settled onto her bed next to my desk. It had been unused for a long time. Too many things floated through my troubles to focus on anything, except one thing. “Forty weeks.” I spoke it out loud. A first for me.
Wombat turned to face me. “Do you honestly think we’ll get there?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. I am…” Scared to fucking death. The words hung in the air as if I’d spoken them out loud.
He must have picked up on that. “We’ll do it one day at a time.”
I remembered him saying that before, but I needed reassurance, a strong shoulder to lean on, someone to give me a safe space to make my armor “shiny.”
“Together?” I asked.
Wombat nodded and then grinned. “May I stay the night?”
That glint in his eye tipped me off. “You’re going to sleep here?”
“Sure.”
Liar. He didn’t plan on sleeping.
“Where are you going to sleep?” Sue me, I was fishing.
“Wherever you want me to,” he said earnestly.
Ah, he planted the choice in my hands. That was nice... “My room?” Sure, it was a question, but he needed to choose, too.
“I’d like that.” He picked up my hand and kissed my knuckles. “I’d like that a lot.”
I brushed the hair out of his eyes with my free hand. “I’ve missed you.”
“Really?”
There was a brief hesitation in my wobbly nod.
I missed a lot of things. But I’d also found a few things.
Like time to read for fun. Time to explore who I was.
What I wanted. What I stood to lose. It drove home how futile I’d been chasing things that didn’t make me complete.
Sure, a lot of what I wanted was likely impossible, but one thing I desired was right here, sitting next to me.
I started the negotiations with a number.
“Two. And I hope I don’t throw up on you. ”
A question sat in his gaze. “Two?”
“Yes, two.” I sent as sultry of a gaze I could muster in his direction.
He grinned. “Only two?”
“I’m a bit tired lately.” Even though I couldn’t do much more than sleep due to my circumstances.
His scan swept down my body and back. “Are your tits getting bigger?”
“Ugh! That’s gross, why did you ask that?”
He laughed. “I thought you liked dirty talk.”
“Dirty, not... locker room filth.”
There was too much mischief on his face.
“Don’t...” I warned.
He stood up and held out a hand. “Stand up, dirty girl.”
“Wombat...”
“I said stand up.”
Why in the hell did that biker-y growl make me wet? “This is under protest.” I stood.
“Brat, I’m going to spank you for that.”
Please? “Are you crazy?”
“Always. Haven’t you learned anything since you met me?”
Oh, I’d learned a lot. “Let me remind you I’m tired. I puke no less than five times a day, I barely keep anything down, and you’re pissing me off.”
He paused, studying me. “I am not.” He stepped back, curling his finger to beckon me to follow. I did just that, step for step as he slipped up the stairs one at a time, keeping eye contact as he moved.
My eyes dropped to the bulge in his pants. “You’re turned on.”
“Around you? Always. Now drop the pretense and let me in.”
The last three words were a command using his biker-y voice and everything. My breasts tingled as his husky whispers spun around me, weaving a promise of sensuality I couldn’t resist. “And if I do?”
“Three.”
“I’m tired,” I reminded him.
“Still a brat.” Wombat shook his head. Then he took my hand and tugged. I fell into him, and he picked me up, carrying me the distance of the hallway and into my bedroom. I landed on the bed face-first and his hand came down on my ass. I yelped and rolled over.
“Brat.” He bit off the end of the word and dared me to respond.
The sting warmed into something that made me squirm. Forget wet. I was soaked. I needed him. “Take off your clothes.”
His eyes flashed. “You first.”
That was an easy command to follow. Of course, my pants leg tangled on the monitoring bracelet and the mortification made me curl my leg under myself to hide it.
Wombat’s belt fell to the floor with a jangle, then his warmth wrapped around me. He stroked my back, digging in at the shoulders to ease the caress into a massage that untwisted my tense muscles. “Too fast?”
I shook my head. “I’m ashamed of myself.”
“Why?”
I glanced over my shoulder. A glimmer of dark humor seized me, begging to crawl free. I indulged it for once, hoping it wasn’t the wrong time. “I never believed this, but I always heard that too much knowledge was dangerous.”
He stared at me for a moment, waiting for more. Then he burst into laughter. As he settled down, he wrapped around me, pulling me to the pillows. I lay in his embrace marveling at how good it felt to laugh. And moreover, how good it felt to be held.
Another chuckle shook his chest. “That’s a good one. I can’t wait until I can take you to the club again.”
That was sobering, and also sweet. “You know the firm all thought the Destroyers were criminals, I guess now I’ll fit right in.” That was awful of me, and I apologized almost as soon as I said it.
But Wombat put his finger on my lips. “Never apologize. You saved my life.”
“I got you shot.” I should have aimed for the gun in her hands, not her head. That was going to bury me.
“She’d been threatening to do that for almost ten minutes. It was bound to happen. I’m just glad you weren’t in the line of fire. It would have killed me if something happened to you.”
I hid my shame-heated cheeks. It was his turn to push my hair away and search my eyes for clues. I sucked in a breath because I saw nothing but warmth in his. It was beautiful. So much so, I blurted out, “I love you.”
He smiled. “I love you, too. I’m going to love you as long as I’m able.”
Considering he was thirteen years younger than me, that was probably going to be a long time. I let that thought settle while I crawled on top of him and found home.