Chapter 18 Lena
Everything had changed since the stakeout.
My hand lifted unconsciously, brushing Silas’ mark at my neck. Only a short time ago I thought even benign touch was impossible for me. Now I had been marked by my alpha handler in the most intimate way possible, and I’d wanted it.
A blush crept across my cheeks as the three of us sat around the conference table at the safe house, eating breakfast.
Both men's eyes tracked my every move, careful and cautious of my reactions. But the weight of their attention didn't unnerve me anymore. Instead, it made me feel… protected.
Just as Dr. Hampton had promised, these men, my alpha handlers, were starting to make me feel safe for the first time in a long time.
Knox piled my breakfast plate with a ridiculous amount of grapes. Far more than I could ever eat. When he carried the plate over and set it in front of me, a small giggle slipped out before I could stop it.
Knox beamed.
He seemed absurdly proud of any reaction he coaxed from me, but laughter was quickly becoming his favorite.
It surprised me that I could still remember how to laugh.
For so long, every sound had felt dangerous. Every reaction was something Marco could use against me.
But slowly and surely, little pieces of myself were returning.
Speech remained difficult. Every word resisted, halting and unsure, as if my voice had forgotten how to belong to me. I couldn't help hesitating before speaking, as my throat tightened with an old instinct that told me silence was safer.
Touch wasn’t easy either.
Even after my breakthrough during the stakeout, there were still plenty of moments when a sudden movement made me flinch before I could stop myself.
When someone stepped too close and a flicker of fear raced through my chest. As much as I tried, my body still remembered things my mind tried to forget.
That would probably linger for a long time.
Maybe the rest of my life.
At least as long as Marco was still alive.
Knox’s words replayed in my mind.
And maybe once he’s gone, something will finally loosen for you.
I didn’t know if that was possible after all I'd been through.
But sitting here now, sunlight spilling across the table, Knox watching me like my laughter was the greatest prize he had ever won, and Silas smirking, eyeing his mark with devious delight…
For the first time in a long time, it didn’t feel impossible.
Knox cleared his throat, turning toward me.
“Lena, I want to go over something with you before your appointment. Two things, actually.”
I nodded.
“First, Silas and I have a meeting with Command, Friday morning. We’ll be gone for a few hours,” he said. “Officer Yuri will stay here with you.”
He watched me carefully.
“We wanted to tell you ahead of time so you had time to process.”
I drew in a breath, but it caught halfway.
Panic started to rise. Slow at first. Then sharper.
My handlers reacted to my anxiety. Silas’s fist clenched. Knox leaned forward slightly, ready to offer comfort.
Doctor Hampton's voice echoed in my head.
When panic rises, Lena, you can convince your body to remain calm.
She had taught me techniques to control my anxiety. Breathing exercises. Bilateral stimulation. I tried to remember them all.
Breathe.
I forced air into my lungs. Four seconds in.
Hold.
Four seconds out.
Hold.
Again.
“Good,” Knox said softly. “That’s it. Stay with it.”
I focused on the count, clinging to the numbers as the air around me grew thin.
A low sound rumbled from Silas beside me.
Not a warning or his usual sharp, irritated growl either.
An alpha purr.
It wove through me, easing the frayed edges of my nerves. Since we had marked each other, instinct had been riding both of us harder. His body answered mine now in ways neither of us seemed fully conscious of.
“Do the butterfly thing doc showed you,” he muttered, voice rougher than usual, like the purr embarrassed him even as it continued.
I lifted my hands to my chest, hooking my thumbs together, pressing my palms lightly against myself.
“Like this?” I asked, my voice small.
“Yeah,” Knox said gently. “Now alternate. Left, right. Slow.”
I started tapping. One side. Then the other.
Left. Right.
“Dr. Hampton said try to match your breathing to the rhythm,” Knox guided. “You’re doing so well.”
Left. Right.
In. Hold. Out.
The panic began to loosen, unraveling its grip piece by piece.
Silas’s low purr didn’t stop. It stayed steady, meant just for me.
My shoulders dropped, muscles loosening, and lungs expanding fully again.
I took one more deep, even breath, then let my hands fall back into my lap.
“Okay,” I said, on the exhale
Knox’s eyes softened.
“Good, Lena,” Knox said softly. “That was really good. You caught it early and pulled yourself back.”
Silas shifted beside me, broad shoulder nudging mine. “Yeah,” he muttered gruffly. “You’re fine, little mute.”
"Doctor Hampton will be pleased with your progress." Knox added with a tight smile, concern still etched into his face. "We are too."
He continued, "Now, the second thing… I know this is sensitive, so if you want to do more of your calming exercises, you can."
I shook my head, popping a grape into my mouth, focusing on the sweet burst as my teeth broke through the skin.
“Your heat.”
My body went still.
He held out his hand. An orange pill bottle rested in his palm, a red restricted label wrapped tightly around it.
My breath caught.
“Suppressants?”
The word barely made it out.
“Yeah,” Silas said with a scowl.
I shook my head immediately.
No.
Every omega knew what those were.
Illegal, addictive, and dangerous if you took them for too long. Suppressants were a line Omegas weren’t supposed to cross. It was unnatural.
Silas exhaled through his nose. “They’re prescribed,” he said. “Relax.”
Knox cut in before I could spiral.
“We got clearance from Command,” he said matter of factly. “Because of the work you’ve been doing. The medication is a new formula, designed only to delay heat. It won't affect your scent or instincts."
My eyes stayed locked on the bottle.
“The mission’s still active,” he added. “They don’t want you out of commission for days at a time. And they don’t want us managing your heat in the middle of it either.”
My face blushed at the thought of them managing my heat. My fingers twisted together in my lap as conflicted emotions tangled painfully inside me. Fear. Embarrassment. Nervous anticipation.
It had been so long since I’d had a heat partner, let alone two alphas.
The trauma of surviving every heat, completely alone, had been carved too deeply into me. For five years, heat hadn’t meant comfort or pleasure. It meant pain, fever, contractions, and being trapped inside my own body while it tore itself apart.
Heat was terrifying.
My stomach twisted at the thought of being so vulnerable and trusting my handlers to take care of me.
But beneath the fear was a fragile, aching relief at the possibility that maybe I would never have to survive it alone again.
I stared at the pill bottle in Knox's hand.
“Dr. Hampton recommended the suppressants,” Knox continued. “She doesn’t want your heat to trigger a trauma regression. Not after all the progress you've made.”
“Short-term only,” he added. “A month. Maybe two. After that, the risks go up. Dependency. Side effects. This isn’t permanent.”
My throat tightened.
“I don’t want…” My voice faltered. I shook my head instead.
Knox’s expression softened immediately.
“I know,” he said. “That’s why we’re offering the medication. To buy you time. Let you settle more before you have to face it.”
Silence stretched.
Silas shifted closer, lifting his fingers and lightly brushing the mark on my neck.
His claiming mark.
My breath caught.
His thumb traced slowly over it. The skin was still sensitive and healing so he was careful. Goosebumps erupted across my skin.
“You don't have to, Lena," he said, searching my eyes.
"But whether you take them or not,” Silas continued, “you’ll go into heat, eventually.”
My pulse jumped.
His touch didn’t falter.
“With us.”
I stilled, as my arousal spiked hard in the air.
“We made that clear to Command. You’re assigned to our unit now. Marked. Knox and I plan to bond you fully.”
His gaze locked on mine.
“No other alpha touches you. Not for heat. Not for anything.”
A beat.
“Just us.”
My breathing grew steady. The instinct to flinch away and run still clawed at me, but even as Silas sensed it, he didn’t pull his hand back. Didn’t give me room to retreat from his touch or question whether it was safe..
“Remember how we made you feel? Wanted” he said, continuing to trace the mark.
“Safe.”
His voice dropped, rougher now.
“And in control… even when you let yourself unravel in our hands.”
A memory flickered. Silas' knot buried deep inside my core and Knox's lips sucking on my scarred nipple. My breath hitched. The room shifted. Both of them watched me intensely.
Knox’s head tilted slightly, a knowing look settling in his eyes.
Silas’s gaze darkened, his hand stilled at my throat as he breathed in slowly.
They could feel it.
Smell it.
The shift in me.
An amused smile tugged at the corner of Knox’s mouth.
“Yeah, she remembers,” he murmured.
“You’re ours now," Silas said.
I glanced toward Knox.
“He’s right,” Knox said easily. “Just us, runt.”
“You chose,” Silas said, levelling his gaze at me. “No going back now.”
His voice dropped lower.
“Ours," he repeated.
The word settled into me. And it didn’t twist or burn the way it used to when Marco said it. When they said "ours" it didn’t feel like ownership, but rather like belonging. As if we were scattered puzzle pieces finally locking together.
Shifting, aligning, fitting without resistance.
Not trapping.
Not caging.
Completing.
The three of us…
Something whole.
And for a reason I didn't fully understand, that scared me even more.