Chapter 29
Magnolia
The silence around the table was deafening. Sloan had stopped making circles with his thumb on my thigh, and I took a chance to peak over at him and noticed his face was crimson before he finally answered Lexie,
“Yeah…I might know something about that,” he said as nonchalantly as possible.
Matt whistled low, and it held a hint of resignation to it. “I think I’m going to take off.”
I felt tremendously guilty over the turn of events. “Let me at least walk you out.”
“Really, that’s okay. I know when I’m beat.” He offered me a wink, letting me know there were no hurt feelings.
“No, I want to.” I slid my chair out, only to feel Sloan’s hand tense around my thigh for the briefest of seconds before letting go.
I followed Matt to the exit and walked him outside, wrapping my arms around myself when the colder temperature engulfed me.
“Listen…about tonight.”
He put his hands up in surrender. “Look, don’t sweat it. When I saw you two the other day, I had a feeling I was batting to lose, but I had to try. You call me if your situation changes, you hear?”
I think I mumbled something about it not being like that with Sloan, but he pulled me into a hug while chuckling. “Sure, Magnolia, you keep telling yourself that.”
The hug was nice, brief, and only offered the promise of friendship. He released me, stuck his hands into the front pocket of his jeans, and took off toward his car, leaving me to go back into the bar alone.
Reaching the others at the table, I noticed everyone seemed to be getting ready to leave. Nothing like a few awkward moments to totally kill an evening. Dexter and Lydia must have taken off and I hardly noticed.
“Can I take you home?” Sloan asked from beside me.
“Uh…Jace drove us.”
I eyed Lexie, hoping she would help me out of this one, but she eyed me with a mischievous glint and remained silent.
“Okay, so Lexie can go with Jace, and you can ride with me.”
We somehow made our way outside.
“I think I’ll just go with Jace. It doesn’t make sense for two cars to go to the same place.”
We approached his truck, and he eyed me up and down as if I were a snack. “Get in the car, Magnolia.”
I almost choked on my own spit at the look he was giving me.
“Lex, are you good if he takes me home?”
“Sure, babe, see you later,” she drawled and walked off with Jace.
I turned to Sloan. “No funny business. We go straight home, you hear?”
“Cross my heart.” He grinned at me while holding the passenger side door open so I could get in.
I gave him my best glare as I slid into the seat and watched him intently as he made his way to the driver’s side of the car. I was a little worried that the drive would be awkward, considering what an emotionally charged evening it turned out to be, but the silence that seemed to engulf us was an easy one, until Sloan decided to ruin it.
“Listen, about what happened tonight…”
“What happened tonight, Sloan? Cassie basically peed all over you to mark her territory. Look, I’m not trying to be rude, but we’re in our late twenties. Starting drama? Causing a scene? That’s not me…never has been, never will be.”
He looked over at me quickly while keeping most of his focus on the road. “I know… Can we just have a conversation? One where you don’t storm off and I do my best not to piss you off? We used to be able to do that.”
Now it was my time to look over at him. “We used to be able do a lot of things.”
He sighed; his normally happy face was pulled down into a slight frown. “Magnolia…please?”
“Okay, five minutes once we get back to my place.”
I swore once the second those words left my mouth, he put a little more pressure than necessary on the gas, and we made it back to my place within three minutes. In those three minutes, I took my time looking over him. He grew up. Of course he still looked good, and of course, my body responded to him—even though a part of me wished it didn’t. He smelled divine—manly, mixed with pine needles, smoke, and maybe a hint of sweat—,and I was doing my best to ignore it. I was lost in my perusal of him when his voice coated over me and caused those pesky goosebumps that were hard to hide.
“Magnolia, I just… I feel like…” He was clearly struggling to get out the words.
“Sloan, can I say something first?”
“Be my guest.”
I took a deep breath and decided to lay it all out there. Honesty was always the best policy.
“Look, it’s very clear to me that I’m attracted to you—I always have been. Ever since I knew what being attracted to a guy was, I knew I was attracted to you. I’m not saying this so we jump into bed together; in fact, that’s the exact opposite of what I want. I just think people skirt around the truth instead of laying it all out there, so that’s what I’m doing. My body responds to you, and when you’re close to me, it’s almost enough to make me forget. But you know what? I’d regret it if anything happened between us.”
I saw his shoulders sag, but then I saw the fire in his eyes, and I knew he was going to have a rebuttal. He opened his mouth to say something, and I waved him away so I could continue. “Please, just let me get this out.”
He nodded, and I kept going.
“I honestly don’t mean that to hurt you, but that’s the truth. There are brief moments in our interactions where it feels like I’m that fifteen-year-old girl again, sitting with her best friend and all the other stuff doesn’t matter…but it does matter. You hurt me. You hurt me more than anybody else I’ve known, and what you did to me changed me and shaped me in ways I’ll never be able to articulate. It took me a long time to let someone in again, and I’m unwilling to put myself in that position to be hurt like that again. The truth is, I don’t know you anymore, and you don’t know me—it’s been almost a decade. We’ve changed, at least I have, and if you haven’t, then the boy I left isn’t a man I’d want to know now.”
“Magnolia…”
“I’m not finished.” I shot a somewhat frosty glance in his direction.
“But the boy who tried to take the blame for me with Momma and Tuck? The one who dried my tears when I skinned my knees, or the one who taught me to play hockey and ride a bike? If he’s still around and grown up, then I think I’d like to give him a chance at being friends, but that’s all I can offer right now. Friendship.”
I saw the rise and fall of his chest, as if my words physically pained him, but I had to be honest. Sleeping with him was something I would regret, but I couldn’t deny I’m attracted to him. I didn’t want to get to know the asshole I left behind, but I’ve changed, so maybe he has as well.
“I’ll take whatever you offer me, Magnolia. I’ll be the best friend you’ve ever had.”
“Yeah, that didn’t go so well last time…” I just couldn’t help but get one last jibe in, and I felt my face flush a little in embarrassment.
“I’ll never be able to apologize enough… Is it my turn to talk now?”
I looked over at the dash, realizing the five minutes I promised him were up.
“Maybe next time.” I offered him a half-smile, a somewhat lazy wink, and exited the car before he could protest.
Walking into the house, I felt relief at being away from Sloan, and if I was being honest with myself, some disappointment. I hadn’t had a moment to myself to really think and process everything that happened tonight. Immediately, I felt drained, like a metaphorical bulldozer just ran me over and left me and my feelings exposed to the outside world. I wanted to curl up in bed, with a pint of ice cream and binge watch Friends or Modern Family, and promptly ignore everything that went down tonight.
Adulthood .
The front door opened, and I found myself flailing backward since I hadn’t moved from when I shut the door behind me. Luckily, I was able to regain my footing before completely falling on my ass.
“Jesus, babes, what are you doing?” Lexie looked a little startled, and rightfully so after I almost fell on top of her.
“I was just contemplating my very existence before you so rudely interrupted me.”
She cackled. “Oh yeah, and how’s that going for you?”
“Not well…not well at all. Oh, and what the fuck?” I flicked her nose, knowing that pissed her off.
“Magnolia, I swear, you get one; next time, I’m kicking your ass.” She pointed at me in mock anger. “But I’ll let this one pass because I kind of deserve it.” She gave me a cheeky grin.
“Kind of?!” I screeched. “ Kind of deserve it?”
She hunched a shoulder at me, not looking even remotely sorry. “Listen, I overheard him telling Cassie off, and in his verbal lashing, he mentioned that he owned Yuliana’s. Ever since I picked you up from there and you’ve been ranting nonstop about how much you love the food, I couldn’t get the place out of my mind. It felt like I had heard it somewhere before, but then it clicked. During one of my work trips to China, we went and saw a field of them. I remember they called them Yuliana magnolia trees, and then everything started to become clear.”
“ What exactly started to become clear?”
She gave me an exasperated sigh, as if annoyed that I didn’t have any idea what the hell she was talking about.
“He’s your lobster.”
“What?”
She gave me a pointed glare. “I know you didn’t suddenly forget one of your favorite TV shows. He’s your lobster .”
“You cannot be serious right now. How much did you have to drink?”
She laughed. “I’m totally sober and totally serious. He’s your lobster. The way I see it, he was in love with you. He panicked, not knowing how to handle being eighteen and in love with his best friend. He was a dumb fucking kid—not that it’s really an excuse—and before he was able to sort through his feelings, which were misplaced onto Cassie, you found out everything and ran to Iowa. Not that it excuses him; I’m just beginning to understand everything, and it’s so exciting!”
I must have looked like I swallowed an entire fish whole because my mouth was gaping wide. “What? How in the world did you get all that just from like, the three minor interactions you’ve been a part of?”
“Jace has been filling me in.”
“Jace has been filling you in.”
“Yes, exactly, now you’re getting it!” She clapped her hands together. I had no idea what she was talking about.
“Lexie, I love you, but I think you’ve gone crazy.” I stood on my tiptoes since she was so much taller than me and placed my hand on her forehead to check for a fever.
“Knock it off, babes. Jace filled me in; he told me what it was like after you left.”
I shook my head at her. “How would I know what you’re talking about if it was after I left.”
“Hmm…right. I just figured Sloan jumped at the chance to tell you everything.”
“Uh no. Care to fill me in? I’m feeling lost right now.”
A Cheshire grin overtook her face. “Nah, I think this is something you need to learn on your own.”
Then she patted me on the head like she was placating me somehow and walked off in the direction of her room. She left me more confused than ever, and I replayed every interaction Sloan and I’ve had since I’ve been back.
.